Having gone through 2 serious relationships, I was re-stung by love from the same chap – twice in a lifetime! My naiveté at its best I suppose to believe in him. X first appeared in my first job after returning from USA. I felt X was sincere and that he stood for the same things we believed in. What I did not factor into the love equation was wealth. Wealth that I did not have at the time!
I had just returned from studies and had no career to begin with. Wealth was not in my bank books. X left when an opportunity came from another who had a ready made business for him to embark on. All X had to do was to marry her sister and voila he would be into money!
I was devastated as personally I was undergoing family turmoil as my sister led a coup de tat at home to wrangle control. I was a misfit at home, starting out on a job and struggling to set out my career path. I left home to set up my own life.
X dropped me like a hot potato and married wealth and went on to his new life. For years X disappeared, living the high life as he claimed. At this juncture, I sound a lot like Sunday Times Sumiko Tan with her H. But in her case, Sumiko and H had a good finish and I am truly happy for her whilst I am still wondering what gives for me? Is there a finish line?
In 2001, X reappeared to explain his situation. He was mired in an unhappy marriage and claimed to be in horrendous debt. His personal depiction to me was one who was desolate and sad. Things progressed and X soon entrenched himself into my life. I felt truly sorry for X and tried my best to assist with whatever I could in terms of business opportunities.
On March 28, 2013, X disappeared again.
Why is “Love” then an adjective? I suppose, to me, Love epitomizes the caring and worrying about a person’s well-being. It does not mean deep pockets for me to part with ill afforded funds to the tune of millions as I have no clue as to the velocity of debt. What is real or surreal?
Honesty and sincerity is a factor in any relationship. Easier said than done as this requires time and concerted effort to be with someone. It is not a half hour fleeting cup of coffee and X paying for coffee that makes it a biggie!
Giving love and care requires attention and tolerating outbursts of tempers, violent episodes of fury and being pushed into a corner when X meddles with my brain to say that the trials of illness I am undergoing through is but a figment of my imagination and that probably I am in need of psychiatric evaluation.
X was in a way cruel. He thought that by having widely read on topics, he could play the “mind over matter” card with me. Whilst I appreciate his intent, his approach was wrong. X did not support me when I was ill. In fact, X felt his duty was to sit with me half an hour and that exonerated his relationship binds with me.
I could never count on X for any emotional or physical assistance; either to offer me support to take me to the hospital or to a doctor’s visit. Taxis were hard to flag down but X had no compassion in this area. I felt X being selfish to me but unselfish to familial needs. This was the difference.
Still I persisted in wanting to believe in X surviving. He is a survivor. He is capable of digging self out of difficult situations and can glamorize events but when speaking to me, it is a vast difference.
X had many positives. He is funny, humorous and always bring laughter and smiles. But at the same time, he gave me a lot of tears, frustration and trepidation as nothing is real with him. X bore no responsibilities and would give out volleys of promises that befit any given situation. In this area, I admire his marketing technique and approach and this distinct him from being an average sales person. He is the best!
Is a relationship based on financial wealth? It would seem so here. Marriage is no longer sacrosanct given today’s global economy. The widely transverse business world allows the polygamous male to play the field. As a partner or a spouse, it is simpler to let male stray than take a positive firm stand to maintain your position as spouse. The question is do you expose the partner and bear the consequences or remain intact in a marriage to enjoy the public limelight that comes with it.
In Asian cultures, it is all about “face” and how one would look to society and family.
I am confident that I will overcome. I do not need to be togged out to fit into society. I choose where I go, who I wish to be with and how to manage any given situation. I may not be as good as X in making deals to survive but I hope to be guided by divine forces to get to where I want to be with the least harm and hurt to others.
X will need to find his place and comfort zone. Maybe X is comfortable living a Houdini life and keeping the character he developed. Perhaps his price to change is too huge to overcome and he is biding time to achieve his end goal.
At the end of it, is X going to be a happy camper or will he live each day in this persona he created. Will the real X stand up?
The world is a small place and often times, people meet for a reason as there is a time and a reason for everything. I am trying to be sanguine about the whole 26 years of plodding alongside X and am waiting for truth, honesty and trust to evolve when it comes to X.
If X needs the time, it cannot be said that I did not support. He scoffs at 26 years. To X, it is not his problem, but mine.
Perhaps X meant it when he told me he was “evil” – perhaps he is. Or X was playing the devil’s advocate to escape realities of what X planned to do.
Love is an adjective in the English language. Love is also a noun but more importantly, when love becomes an irony, then maybe – just maybe, love does not fit.
In the words of Shakespeare, “If music be the food of love, then play on” as “all the world’s a stage and in it, we are all but players” – this is love as it depicts the role one plays and transpires in this world we call LIFE!
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