Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Another Looming Surgery Ahead

on October 22, 2013

I pondered over the remarks made by my anaesthesiologist which was conveyed to me through my brother last evening. He apparently saluted me and commented that I had to go through yet another surgery. So did my trusty other doctor who uttered “oh dear” to me through text messaging.

Yes, I have a panel of doctors. One could claim that they are paid to care. But I think not. I believe I have a genuine patient, friend, doctor relationship with them. I have their personal mobile numbers and they attend to me at any time of the day, regardless of weekends, public holidays or hour!  I have had one doctor responding to me and confirming medications when I am unwell – virtual over the handheld device to prescribe meds when I do need them. They have trusted me and given me a dosage of spare medicines to be used in “emergency” situations.

Others pay as well but the treatment is different as it is strictly, patient and doctor. There is nothing more than a “hi doctor” and after treatment, “bye doctor” relationship. I guess I have an aura that grows on my doctors as much as they have grown on me, in mutual trust and friendship. For this, I am appreciative and it is not about the fees that they could have earned. Trust me, I get a discounted rate too and it extends to my family needs if and when they have the sniffles or whatever! They are a benevolent lot I must add!

I am in short, a medical challenge to them. I am an atypical patient. I understand medicines, diagnosis and can exactly pin point the causes and anticipated drugs required. I work jointly with them as I have 56 known drug allergies and probably more untested.

The hardest part for me is if I do not co-operate with them, which makes it harder for the panel of doctors to treat me.

For each surgery I go through, I have to do my homework and write down the adhesives that I cannot tolerate, medications and foods. Yes, I too have to work with nurses and the chef at the hospital as nutrition is equally important to get me on my feet.

The nurses have come to know me and they know exactly what I can have on my skin, IV drip or catheter or otherwise. They would come in and teach me Tamil or Burmese or Malay! In turn, I listen to their personal or family issues. I give them a listening ear as they give me medical care. It is the least I can do for them as they wait on me hand and foot, nursing me back to health.

It is not easy being ill. It is harder being a difficult person when ill. Still I am asking myself how do I go through each of these sessions? I truly do not know. I am emotionless as I go through it clinically. My thoughts are if it is broken, then it has to be fixed, otherwise it causes me more harm.

Am I physically drained? Yes – my body is tired from being cut up so many times ( I believe I have gone through more than 8 major surgeries – I lost count) and believe it or not, anaesthesia does indeed wipe out memories. I find myself with not much memories left to recall and lately at work, the amount of tasks taken has milked my grey cells even more as I am multi tasking more than 10 items at one time.

I am one individual that can read and watch TV at the same time! This is how I train to multi task.

So when my brother asked me last night – how do I take it and that he felt I was very strong-minded. I suppose I am strong-minded but practical. I cut down the problem to smaller pieces and asked myself what can I do. If I moped, would it help me? If I give in, how will this impact others in terms of inconveniencing them? If I cried, how will it solve the issue when it makes me more tired and lowers my immunity system?

I tend to dissect problems and offer a solution. Is this then strength or practicality? I would prefer practicality to describe my action of overcoming an issue. I find that even when I am rigoured in pain, I can still soldier on as the adrenalin takes over to drive me to complete tasks. My biggest challenge is in the evenings when my body protests and in the wee hours of the morning when I wake up as it is indeed a test of physical pains!

Little things make me happy – happiness is transient as I shared with a silly consultant once (he was paid $109,000 to question 30 people in a company). Eating a piece of chocolate made me happy for that second. It tasted and made me happy as people would say “5 minutes of on the lips, Forever on the hips” – there you see 🙂

Happiness is transient and it eludes you. I am not Buddha and I am incapable of achieving Nirvana as Lord Buddha did! I rely heavily on practicality to drive me and shove mindless things aside as I have very little private hours in a day.

On top of this, I am now driving self to get back to attending meetings for charity work. Why do I do it? Why do I push myself after starting work at 5.45am daily and ending at 6pm and then rushing off to a meeting at 7.30pm? I have no answer except that I want to help others in the cause I believe in I suppose.

I now have the big task of assembling my surgical team and inducting my new surgeon on my medical allergies and hope for the best I suppose. On the bright side, I have a new surgeon to give sleepless nights to or get him to use his grey cells a bit more.

Morale of my story is – everything depends on myself. Only me, myself  and I can solve my own problems. I cannot rely or depend on anyone as there is only so much others can do. To depend on them is a false fallacy as they are not obligated to me. This I have proven over and over again – no friend nor loved one can continue to run this marathon with me. I know, as my supposedly “best friend, soul mate and someone who supposedly said he “loved” me dropped me like a hot potato when he realised that he was not going to gain from my estate even though if he put in the effort. Money, sadly, drives a stake in one’s actions! So, plan your estate carefully and remember, no one is true till the four nails are nailed to shut a coffin lid. Only then, will you know who is a person who was a sincere and good friend 🙂


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