Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

How To Manage Dead Weights In Office

on November 28, 2013

From chatting with people in the work scene, I have come to hear of dead weights within offices. I am sure this may be the case for others working in offices around the world. There are always some such specimens around in any office setting!

For clarity, “dead weights” are personnel who remain within their jobs but are categorised as “untouchable”. Hence they remain as they are, job secured. Lucky dogs! (No offence to my late pet Doberman named Gretchen or Snoopy, Charlie Brown’s best friend – dogs are best friends for sure!)

Dead weights are also called Dead Wood! I pity the trees as they have been maligned in this instance. Dead Wood are dead weights and it has nothing to do with the poor trees. At least literally, the real forest dead wood becomes natural fertilisers for the forest floor whereas the human “dead wood” are of no material use other than currying favours.

No one likes dead wood in the office. Dead Wood in the office cannot be removed or replaced. Therefore, they are tagged as “untouchable”

Dead wood takes up budget – well-meaning budget for the more deserving ones. If they are deemed untouchable or furniture or antiquities, they are “precious” – HA! You ought to read my earlier blog on Performance Appraisals to appreciate the definition of “precious” 🙂

A WISE MAN [names are changed to protect the innocent 😉 ]once told me, ignore these dead weights! They have antiquated value and so it is best not to touch them, not even with a 10 foot pole! I like this WISE MAN.

He often shares with me that if he could, he would give a lot of people the boot! Productivity is expected to be at its peak despite carrying dead weights!

I admire his ability to still get productivity up and manage to deliver the output expected.

WISE MAN has ears in every department. His Secret Squirrels lurk in every corner and I find him a useful source of information. He has become my mole. Hmm I sound like I work in the line of espionage….like James Bond, 007 except ha ha, I ain’t no spy but am  a humble employee in an SME.

HR is a thankless job! For those in HR, they will understand. If HR gets no complaints, then HR knows they are doing a good job. If HR gets brick bats then something has gone awry 😦

HR is someone’s best friend when someone needs HR’s help. HR is immediately forgotten once the aid is given and or the HR matter resolved, only to be remembered when the next urgent need arises. Everyone usually wants something from HR as it was due yesterday. But hey, if HR wants something, it falls on deaf ears.

HR is best described as “5 minutes on the lips, forever on the hips” – imagine eating chocolate. It tastes great for the 5 minutes on the lips and then it manifests as fats on the hips 🙂 LOL!

I was at a meeting last evening. I keep hearing buzz words of HR world. Enabling, Empowering and Enhancing!

How to enable when $ is a major budgetary issue and empowerment is literally dead as power vests in the one and only mighty boss of the business!

I had a laugh when someone told me today that he had the misfortune of running into the boss. He expected all to give way, as if royalty expected lowly subjects to make way for his royal footsteps!

In turn, lowly subjects received a grunt of acknowledgement of his existence.

So why HR as a preferred choice of occupational role? Hmm maybe because people need HR as the H stands for Human and R stands for Resources. Together HR is Human Resources. We cannot do without HR.

No humans, no organisation and exist, much less the entrepreneur continuing to have a business! So welcome to the world of HR. It may be a thankless job but hey, HR people have tenacity and gumption with a never say die attitude. OR in plain speak, it seems HR are suckers for punishment 🙂

HR personnel are important 🙂


2 responses to “How To Manage Dead Weights In Office

  1. idiotprufs says:

    Dead wood is for burning, but try it with people and the police get all upset.

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