Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Conscious Uncoupling

on March 30, 2014

Gwyneth Paltrow decided on a “conscious uncoupling” status from her spouse. Sugar coated in any other way, it reeks of the meaning of “divorce”.

Marriage is tough and hard work. I have always maintained that any given relationship takes effort, loads of understanding and being sensitive to each other. It helps when one is more giving than the other else it would be a fire and oil relationship.

Never married and the closest to being married was when I turned down my ex boyfriend’s wedding proposal. I never forgot that day as he drove to my workplace in his red Honda Accord with a ring woven out of grass. To him, it was romantic, to me it was odd!

I could not say yes and instead found self crying. His reply to me was that if I had to cry to hear what he asked, then I did not want to marry him. I can agree on that as I was not comfortable seeing self married to this man. I was not sure and had a career in mind to pursue.

To cut the long story short, he went and married another in less than 3 months. This was in 1990s.

He returned to try his best to be a partner in 2000 as by now, he claims his marriage is sucky?!

Sucky after couple of years and two children in tow?

He was in a stage where he did not want a divorce but wanted a companion. In my book of words, it meant he was seeking an extra marital affair. He picked me as he felt I suppose I had the right connections to help him gain ahead. Selfish? Perhaps!

Selfish I thought. He did not think like Gwyneth and decided on a decoupling of sorts but a conscious coupling if you will as I borrow the reverse context of conscious decoupling.

Fear perhaps of being branded a divorcee perhaps? Loss of face, monies and back chat from relatives? Yes, my ex boyfriend is a prideful man. He uses monies as quickly as he can earn it and maximizes publicity for it. He likes to be seen as magnanimous, rich, affluent and highly connected to who’s who in Singapore.

If I had accepted his marriage proposal then, I would then be the one to also ask for conscious decoupling. Pragmatic but for our respective sanity so that each can continue on with our respective lives.

I suppose my ex boyfriend is at his own cross roads as to if he will have the courage to consciously decouple. If he does and comes with a clean slate, I might just consider giving him another shot at making conscious coupling work.

It will require hard work but if he is genuine and sincere it would be a good start to a whole new beginning for him. Courage, honesty and transparency are traits pivotal of any relationship.

But if he chooses to have his comfort zone and his current spouse accepts his philandering ways, then it is conscious blindness on her part to accept the man she married and they would both live separate lives in a subconscious decoupling, breaking every rule in the marriage handbook 😉

Well, to each his or her own, as marriage is how each measures and is willing to accept the idiosyncrasies, demonic traits of each other as they are banded together by words a priest, pastor or deacon or in this case a Justice of the Peace or a solemiser as they them these days!

Good luck on marriage and remember to dose up heavily on tolerance, forbearance and loving kindness. It helps! 🙂

After a further 13 years of giving him friendship, the final 23rd year of knowing each other saw his departure again. I suppose he found another playmate as I had fallen ill by then and realized that I was more a friend than he was. I could sense that he took my illness as a joke and mocked me for it, till he got ticked off by my attending surgeons!

Kudos on my brave surgeon! I did appreciate him telling him off as for once, my ex boyfriend was shut down in his motor mouth department.

Today we are both consciously decoupled. I am trying hard to unconsciously decouple him too.

As to what he thinks or feels, I am sure apathy and not empathy rules, which brings me to mind that perhaps I made the right choice of not marrying him back in the 1990s!

I am, I think fairly blessed then 😉

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