I started today by writing a letter (yes, snail mail – archaic but realistic as not everyone in the world is internet connected!) and it has been a long time since I put pen to paper. Technically, it was using my keyboard and PC to generate the words to print on paper.
Ugh! These days my handwriting are like fowl scratches but I had to put this letter out as I needed to offer advice to my friend in New Zealand (The Land Of Cows). She had lost her husband and with loss comes a lot of grief.
As I wrote, I reflected on my own advice I was giving her….To live is to die and to die is to live! One has to let go….(Don’t make fun of me now, as this is haunting almost like the Disney song, Let It Gooooo…..)
I thought back to the things that I find most difficult letting go and that was my tiresome, energy sapping relationship with my then boyfriend. Technically he and I have separated. But I know that “separation” is at his will and behest because once he is “free” or find some value in looking me up, he will be back (Hmm…remember those Arnie movies of the Terminator kind….)
But this time, even if he does come back and try to entrench self into my life, I am less giving.
I believe my notion of help these days are more restrictive and selective. By helping this leech of my then boyfriend, he has gained tremendously and in his gaining, he has flitted out to get the stuff he wants more.
Yes, letting go it never easy and as I grow older each day, I realise that it is harder to let go.
People call it mid life crisis but it seems that mid life crisis has been with me all my life! Ugh! Surely I am in a vicious circle of mid life crisis! LOL!
If I wore the spectacles of life, I reflected and saw self as being a fool most times thinking I am helping someone in the world. The list of who is who and who have benefitted is rather long. Many do not return to say “thanks” but in fact feel they deserved help.
Others who do come, I feel energised and motivated to continue to help.
It is again easy to say not to expect “thanks” but in truth, the word “thanks” or having a person think of you is indeed heart warming.
Yes, it is easy to dish advice but for self to follow it, I see it as my own Achilles heel! 🙂
Making decisions or life changing ones especially are never easy and I applaud anyone who successful does it, without remorse, sadness or fear of not achieving. Onward ho…..