Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Bird’s Latest Addition To The Family – A Whopper Of A Nephew!

on October 28, 2014

Bird was moaning last week that her sister has yet to give birth and that the future nephew was supposed to be born and was overdue by a week! “Induce”, I said…..”just induce”

Over the weekend, I received a message that finally, the much awaited for nephew was decided to be induced and was delivered into this cold and cruel world (famous sayings of my then boyfriend – he was the evilest of mankind, he claimed LOL)

I call it a Whopper of A Nephew – it weighed 3.45 kg!

This is one oversized baby I said….Yeah, I know I am not too kind in the baby department but I dislike children as they are a pain, they poop and they pee and they are forever a liability to parents (never an investment as there is no guaranteed profits and there is no refund policy!) – stuck for life. So long as a parent breathes, the child is forever a child to the parent even though the darn child may be in their 50s and the parent is in their 80s!

I was even meaner when I said to Bird, “What a huge piece of meat!” – Bird is used to my sarcasm on the topic of babies and told me that yes, it is a big baby! LOL!

Selfish me then said, “Yaay….this means Garfield (my darlink baby…psycho ME emerges here) has new clothes!”

Yup, no way Jose this Whopper would be wearing those clothes for ages 0-3 months!

Bird laughed and immediately told me that she would be collecting those baby clothes for my darlink BB Garfield! Bird indulges in my love of the silly inanimate fur ball of mine 😉

This week, Bird complains that her arms ache! She is asking for more of my sarcasm I say!

I gave it my best retort! “Well, one would be to carry that Whopper! 3.45kg….almost a 5kg sack of rice” I whooped a reply as indeed Thai rice are pre-packed in supermarket shelves at 5kg a bag!

Bird indulges me and replied, “Erm…Whopper is now 4.75 kg!” – In Singlish I say, “Wah Lao! [it means OMG) what have you guys been feeding Whopper?!”

Bird is pseudo MOM to the Whopper and another nephew and niece all from the same sister.

Hmm, it seems her sister is only the breeding machine…her job description is to have sex, make babies, incubate and grow the baby, pop it into this world (did I mention cold and cruel world) and abandon it to her mom and sister.

Her sister’s second marriage and Whopper is son of Husband # 2.

I do empathise with Bird as she ends up with a lot of responsibilities, which includes tutoring and minding the nephews and niece with her mom.

Bird said that those kids often with the slip of the tongue call her “Mom” –

Hence my tagline…..”cold and cruel world….”

Amazing how irresponsible her sister is in terms of motherhood. Still it is amazing that her sister’s puny little frame could deliver naturally Whopper!

All I can say is, “Bird…congrats on your arrival or should I say Look what the Stork brought in” and of course, “remember to pass me those baby clothes that do not fit Whopper!” 😀

Bird will make a good aunt and she literally cares for these young ones. At least the children may have a pseudo mom as their maternal mom is just a name on the birth certificate as I am pretty sure her sister will be out pubbing and clubbing soon!


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