Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

My Memoirs #5 – Dark Side Of Religion For Me

on September 25, 2016

Religion is a sensitive topic and for me, it has been my biggest battle to date.

Born a Catholic, I did everything prescribed of Catholics to a “T”.

I attended mass diligently and ensured I followed every ritual including being gracious and obeying all 10 commandments, as if like a holy one! LOL!

I used to love going to St Alphonsus or we fondly called Novena Church and speak to God and Mother Mary whenever I had free time.

I knelt on pews and fervently prayed with all my heart, pouring out my troubles and woe. I was not enlightened though.

As time went on, I observed how Catholics would wish each other “peace be with you” and once mass ends, the ugliest of Catholics surface as they want to be first out of the parking lot.

That sacred 1 hour in church is lost when at work. People “stab each other” in the back – Catholics are like you and I. I started to doubt that humans being humans do not practice what they preach.

Catholics do not offer help as readily as the Buddhist community. I feel the Buddhist community spirit is warm and fast to respond.

My best encounter was with a priest who ensured that his golfing schedule took precedence and that the flock can find their own shepherd during that time πŸ˜‰

I once had the encounter of seeking out a priest to pray for my dad when he was ill in hospital. He told me he could not find his holy anointment oil and to go forth, forage and find another! WOW!

I learnt from that experience, if I were to contemplate dying, I must die within the time frame of after golf and if the priest could find his holy oils LOL!

My cousin, a faithful Catholic, was told by her parish priest to ensure she buys him gifts of a litre of best whisky and a carton of duty free smokes when she travels. Silly cousin does that each time and I tell self, his liver and lungs will suffer as he is a raging alcoholic and chain smoker.

Faith is innate I feel.

My eyes and ears tell my heart that I need not be confined to that one hour of mass, all dressed up and whispering good words to his Lord but leaving that temple and behaving like an ogre.

Further, all my prayers have not been answered. I have literally given up on God as when I most needed HIM, he decided to take his leave.

Strangest phenomena was when I was losing my life, people say that you see a white light. I saw no such thing. Instead I saw self crucified on the cross as one of the 2 thieves and being taken down, held in the arms of Virgin Mary as if in the Pieta scene.

I woke up and Christ left me for good. I too, left Christ after as the battles for my health issues began.

Some told me to read Job. I read it back and forth and other than suffering….suffering I must – there is no other message.

I tried discussing with Priests and they all could not reach out to me as their heart was not in wanting to reunite this lost sheep with the flock.

Maybe I ask too many questions? Maybe I am the Devil incarnate? I once had a priest who clutched his cross so hard when I asked him to pray over me when I was battling illness.

I felt he saw the Devil in me…either that or I am a goner ha ha!

Religion is personal I guess. I have since read Buddhist scriptures and teachings to understand life.

I like its readings as it makes sense to practical me. I also attend prayer sessions or pujas by lamas or Rinpoches.

I respect Allah, Hindu Gods and all other religions. All religions teach us good. No religion teaches us bad.

I see self as a believer of all religions and will not be labeled as this or that.

Being labeled as this or that, without faith in any is really not right.

As for my Catholic faith, my butt is stamped with this as I was baptized but I will not be returning to God anytime soon.

If I should die before my time, I know God will also ignore me and I will not be gaining entry into the pearly gates ha ha.

So if hell is where I should belong, then I guess I could do some good there and probably try and convert Satan to be kinder perhaps?

Until then, so much for religion for me. For those who have found religious faith, I am proud of you as your God works for you and you have experienced it.

Meanwhile, I am still suffering from bad karma…..till I achieve enlightenment, I am non the wiser. Sigh!





15 responses to “My Memoirs #5 – Dark Side Of Religion For Me

  1. Religion is difficult really. I was brought up quite “high” Church and I still like the familiarity and ritual..I lost my faith too, but since then have found a different belief system. Have faith in yourself..personally I think Job was one of those people that even if he won the Lottery something would still go wrong…lol!

  2. The Buddhist insight, as I understand it, is that life is suffering but death makes it seem more attractive … or something like that!

  3. scifihammy says:

    Sadly there is corruption even in religion and you seem to have come across a lot of it!
    You are a good person and think of others, trying to help those less fortunate. This is all that matters.

  4. Phil says:

    A lovely piece, my own road with religion is winding – I was baptised when I was in my twenties as my parents had neglected to do it when I was young (despite baptising my siblings) and felt something was ‘missing’. I do enjoy going and praying, but appreciate it’s not for everyone…and it doesn’t answer everyone’s questions either.

    • Garfield Hug says:

      I am happy you made an informed decision to be baptised and have found faith in God. May you continue to be blessed by God and say a prayer for me. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜ŠHave a happy Sunday..

  5. mistermuse says:

    As a fellow ex-Catholic, I can appreciate where you’re coming from. It seems that we’ve both ended up in pretty much the same place, except that you “see self as a believer of all religions,” and I am a believer of none (in the sense that I now believe all were invented or dreamed up by man and none were revealed by God). But I don’t begrudge people their religion, because the mere thought of death as the end of it all is apparently more than most people can bear, and religion gives them hope of an afterlife.

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