Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

My Memoirs #11 – Recognising Love Or Not?

on February 2, 2017

I do not know myself well…this is how I feel about self.

Am I afraid to accept love and in so doing fail to recognise love?

Mr EX’s words to me when we broke up were 

“it was better to have loved and lost than not loved before” 

I did not understand his utterance back then, other than his brand of sarcasm back then and am non the wiser now.

I knew then that I must have hurt him when I rejected his wedding proposal. He married his current wife 3 months after we split up. 

At that point in time, I felt he two timed me. But someone told me it was probably on rebound. I prefer to think he was presented with a business opportunity as his current wife back then inherited her dying sister’s business. Overnight, he became a business man.

But hey, I did not feel secure being with him. I wasn’t sure he loved me enough. 

Mr Ex and I can never get back together in this life time I feel. 

He claims I am his soul mate and that since this life time we are not a couple, we will be one in our next life. He will seek me out and we can be together is his promise. He thinks he is in charge of reincarnation ha ha!

I don’t want another life cycle.  Hell no!!! This life has been eventful enough and don’t get me started on the pain and suffering.

This life has been painful physically and mentally draining as working life threw daggers at me too.

I have reasonated with self that I do not have working life luck!

Healthwise, it was challenging and with difficulties at work it made me feel really bummed out.

Hence the smartest move for me was to avoid any relationship with Mr Ex. It will make it even harder for me emotionally to deal with Mr Ex as a potential spouse back then. This was how I felt.

His antics and acts of disappearances can be an added dimension to what I was mired in i.e. health and work issues. I would be bitter when he is never around when I needed him.

Enough! 

He moved on. 

He got married. 

He claims he is unhappy. 

He focuses on wealth to numb his sadness and makes irritating me his life’s mission to keep me alive. But I believe more so for his own benefit of sanity.

We all have our achilles heels. I was told that mine was “love” – my kryptonite it seems according to Clairvoyant.

There is some truth in the above statement by Clairvoyant. 

My pet dobermann passed away when I was in the university and I felt so much pain from the loss of a loved one that I decided to “love” my inanimate furball Garfield as he will never perish physically.

Mr Ex has claimed that I made parts of his life miserable. 

I beg to differ as he travelled the world, supped in luxurious locations with his family and owns properties to the tune of tens of millions of Singapore dollars.

I doubt that I was such a distinct influence in his life to inflict misery.

He floated in and out of my life when I battled surgeries like Houdini under the label of a “friend”- he slept in my hospital room, arriving after midnight and leaving after a couple of hours.

I did not ask for his presence as my doctors and nurses were there for me 24 hours, 7 days a week.

He just occupied the sofa in my hospital room like a piece of furniture.

He did not feel my physical pain. He came when he felt like it or needed my presence to scold or nag him.

Is this love?

Nahh! I think I am a distraction for him…an outlet for him to be away from his domineering wife that he is scared stiff of and demanding children that includes making him fetch a Big Mac at 1am in the morning anytime.

I am his muse?

I am his clown?

I am his parent?

I am his security blanket?

I am his arguer?

I am his teacher?

I am his irritant?

I am his anything when he needs something?

Does this make me his soulmate?

Only he knows…..as  to if this is love, I will never know!

The ship has left port as far as I am concerned and there is no turning backπŸ˜‰

Till the next episode of “And So The Story Goes”…..Mr Ex will be around like a blue bottle fly…buzzingly irritatingly reminding me of his existence. 

Good or bad outcome…depends on the flip of the coin…..heads or tails?

Advertisements

11 responses to “My Memoirs #11 – Recognising Love Or Not?

  1. perhaps he just wants u as a friend. and for u to accept him as a friend. someone you can tease and ‘insult’ and enjoy each other’s company.

    • Garfield Hug says:

      I suppose as we both do alot of teasing and insulting, including me giving him a hard time always. He seems to enjoy it and I guess you are right. Ha ha we are odd then as we step back from reality to have some laughs

  2. That’s really emotional…perhaps I am too romantic (or old – fashioned lol) as I feel true love is one of those things you just KNOW….doesn’t always happen straight away and it can just develop…
    I think Mr.Ex possibly regrets that you and he didn’t make it but still cares enough to be there…Love is confusing!!

    • Garfield Hug says:

      I am old fashioned too. I thought I would just know. But lo and behold I don’t ha ha! Mr Ex is indeed hanging around as a good friend I guess and I must appreciate that as he need not bother really. Love is indeed confusing and I don’t thing herbal stuff will help me achieve nirvana anytime soon πŸ˜‰

  3. The V Pub says:

    It can be very confusing. There are times when we think that we have found love, but really didn’t. There are times that we found it, but didn’t really know it until it was too late, and there are those rare times that we found it, knew it, and held onto it.

  4. Neethu says:

    Wow got to know more about Me.X…πŸ€“

  5. Neethu says:

    Oopzzz typo..Mr.XπŸ™ˆ

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: