Harmony Is A Word I Cannot Fathom

I go through much of life without much harmony. 

Ironic right? 

I laugh because it is better than crying.

I laugh to forget the things in life I go through.

I laugh to remind self that it is okay for my brother to shout and say I am the curse of the family.

Ok…I know that my siblings and I are not hunky dory. We have family politics.

Dad dotes on elder sis and youngest bro. I felt it and whatever I was deprived of, was made up by mum to me. Of course bro and sis despised my mum for caring about me.

Of course this angered bro, sis and dad. So, believe it or not, I was ousted from family home after college. 

Life goes on. I have a family name but I kid you not, I have no family.

Now that bro lives in HK with his partner I fondly call Lizard and sis moved to NZ, dad has no one to rely on but yours truly.

Still, I am as bro shouted at me today “a curse” when he showed up at their home when I visited.

Bro does not appreciate all the sacrifices I made in life and I personally blame this on dad for fuelling the politics.

Despite being thrown out of the family home at a young age, my dad did not bother if I had food or money to survive on. Neither did my siblings. I was blessed for 2 church friends who provided me with food.

Those were my hardest years as I worked many jobs to earn enough to put downpayment on a smallish unit and not worry about where I live.

I forgave them for what they did to me and stood in to tend to dad if he fell ill as neither of his 2 preferred children bothered.

Lo and behold when I popped in to see mum and dad, bro showed up from HK to pick a fight. I had demanded an apology from him for all his deeds and he refused. 

To him, I was a curse to the family and that all the suffering I went through was made up and existed only in my mind.

A shouting match ensued and I relived the ugly politics as dad as usual took his preferred child’s side.

Labor Day and I made a decision. Enough is enough. Since bro wanted me classified as mental and evil, so be it.

Family may be classified as blood related but certainly all my life, my bro nor sis has treated me as family.

I am family only when there to pay for things.

I am family only when things happen and no one knows how to resolve.

I am family only when needed.

So…there you have it folks. The reason why I laugh.

Life has given me lemons. Huge painful lemons but each lemony item, I mask with laughter.

Only those closest can hurt me and the emotional scars left by my dad, bro and sis are deepest and ugliest.

Harmony…..I come from the same tree as my siblings yet why am I treated like a plague my entire life?

So much for a loving family as I assure you I have none.

Maybe I am mental.

Maybe I am a curse.

Maybe I should not continue to be a part of a family that does not want me?

I do not regret walking out of this family. 

As I told mum and dad, I have no family and walked out.

I wished them well and sincerely hope that dad’s 2 preferred children will tend to them when in need.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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