Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Friday Thoughts – Life Vicissitudes – Come Drink, Laugh Or Cry With Me

on August 11, 2017

I am in one of those moods that make me sit and reflect on life’s vicissitudes.

My philosophy is simple.

I live because I was born.

As I start each day of life, I began my journey towards death.

Living is part of dying and dying is part of living! Why?

I eat, I live, I work and I die.

I die with the understanding of life experiences as felt by me. The lemony parts, the happiness, the sadness, the bitterness and the moments like these that make me reflect constitute the journey called life.

I am unsure how I will die, when I will or the process of dying – will it be painful, painless, draggy or swift? If I knew, I would make millions of dollars! Think of the royalties for movies and books!! LOL!

Born a cradle Catholic, I have lost all faith in Catholicism. I prayed religiously, obeyed all 10 commandments (*maybe not all as occasionally the easier ones are broken) but felt the loss of spirituality from my daily life and experiences.

“Ask and you shall receive” is as easy as “if you do not get it, it was not good for you” typical answers did not gel into my thinking.

“Love everyone like you would yourself” – heck I did all that and all I got in return was betrayal, false trust and basically being used and tossed like yesterday’s newspapers! Aargh!

Ok ok I know, it is said that we do without expectations. I did not 10 out of 10 times, those I help disappear and heavens forbid if I were to ask for help, they bluntly tell me not to ask them for help.

It can be easily said that I chose carelessly to help. I should help those that only need help! Sheesh….they all needed help and without the assistance, they would have badly suffered.

I am contemplating throwing out the icon of Mother Mary with baby Jesus into the waste bin! Let me burn in hell! 😀 as it is no different than being coursed through a life that is filled with rocks – boulders and not like the lovely colorful pebbled beach of Brighton UK!

As my parents age, I see the merits of my mother helping many others and the “friends” she has over on weekends. But I doubt they are all “true” friends. Still, it is left to be seen as she is a believer in being 100% kind. It keeps her busy and she is happy.

I cite an example – for those who have been following me, will know that I have 2 siblings who are 100% apathetic. They cannot be bothered if any of their family members are in trouble or die except for the reading of the will. Money rocks in this unit called family!

I was asked once to whom will my monies go to when I pass since I am single. I replied without batting an eyelid, ‘not to you’ – politically wrong answer!!

Some years back, my dad had a benign meningioma that required urgent surgery. Dad loves only 2 of his children…yup I am the blackest of sheep in the family…maybe I hail from Garfield heritage!

I had to beg either of the 2 children to see him before undergoing the knife as risks were there. The eldest, my sister, after much cajoling said ok she will show up! Big mistake, she did not tell me when.

On the date of surgery, she was nowhere to be found. Surgery proceeded and thankfully it was non eventful and dad pulled through. Sis appeared some weeks later. It was only when mum was bathing grandson that she found suction bruises on his back and the little toddler told oma that he was caught in the suctions of the Jacuzzi at a Bali resort. Aaah the truth was out – they had proceeded to have a holiday first before going along the way to see dad!

Wow! I was floored.

I cite another incident. Bro hates Singapore with a passion. He believes in China and HK, SAR – why? Oooh because his beloved Lizard hails from HK!

My siblings will always claim they have no money when we meet. So we all pay for their expenses when they visit.

But ohhh you should see how my brother feasts on the finest of cuisines and would turn his nose up against what we eat. Hey! I ain’t a connoisseur of fine foods and the last I checked, I eat to live and not live to eat!

So, forget about truffles, caviar blah blah….it does not make any material difference to my life.

It is hard taking care of dad who hates me with a passion but is devoid of love from the 2 urchins he dotes on.

I told him matter of factly that he caused and created the family politics and deepened the rift amongst children as he condoned and fueled their animosity towards me. In his aged days, he apologized but words as his heart still stands for the other 2 and will not speak to them to be nicer to me. Does not matter now, as I have given up being nice afterall all the things they put me through really. I am better off greeting a stranger off the road as a brother or a sister!

I was nothing more than an ATM machine for them when required and a pair of useful hands to take care of things or sort problems. I am a middle child and middle children are worst off. Something about us – maybe we are insane as alluded by my delightful brother. He said that I was insane but when I last checked, he has no credentials as a psychiatrist, much less a psychologist to certify me sane or insane!

Thankfully, I am grateful for mother’s love who bore the brunt of arguments that she took my side. I felt like I was an independent between the Democrats or Republicans. Sheesh!

When word leaked to me that Bro decided to buy a property in HK, I was not surprised as he never loved the lil red dot. He is not conversant of HK SAR laws and I will leave it. He stands to lose everything if his cohabitant common law wife decides to take all like a winner.

I wondered why he did not choose to invest in Singapore property that gives good rental return and property value that does not get snatched by government.

To all of the above, I salute the wisdom of my mum – it is his money, why do you bother? Do not mention their names as they are of no value to you, other than making you angry and upset.

I reflected – it is true. Money is theirs, choices have always been theirs!

But the sad part is neither of these 2 urchins made a choice to care for their elderly parents. To my sister, it is an expectation that her parents must give her, her due inheritance upon death.

To my brother, his sole duty is to finance and care for the family of the Lizard. All monies and time must be dedicated 100% to Lizard and his new found family.

I live a life that is exciting, dramatic and I wonder if Hollywood, Bollywood or any film maker will make a movie out of – I will title it “Trials and Tribulations Of Sibling Rivalry”

It is the last lap of my parents journey in life and for one without choices, I will have to do my utmost best to care for them and see them through.

As for my dad, I feel sad for him as I know how it feels to love someone but someone does not reciprocate their love for you. As a father, he has failed me and in turn, his children failed him.

Life…complicated and not easy.

Life…challenging and yet sometimes invigorating.

Life…when the end comes, will I go out with a smile or a curse?

I hope I have the continued strength, courage and patience to see it through the marathon of life😉

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15 responses to “Friday Thoughts – Life Vicissitudes – Come Drink, Laugh Or Cry With Me

  1. Sister Madly says:

    Hello fellow middle child! You’re not alone. ;c)

  2. Do I count as a middle child? An older sister and brother from my mother’s previous marriage and 2 younger sisters from my father’s second marriage?
    I know it’s a thankless task when it’s left to you to pick up the pieces …however, your friends here love you 💕 xxoo

  3. I was originally a middle child. Then a sole survivor of a car crash. Then an only child. Then the youngest, with three older stepbrothers. Now again and for many years, I feel like an only child. But I feel my inner value, and I know that I do my best, every day. If my parents prefer my stepbrother’s, so be it. That is their right. To love who they choose. As I can choose to focus on myself, my husband, my kids, my interests. I can commiserate with you here. And I do. Because I think you are pretty terrific for setting aside your feelings and doing the right thing by your family, as best as you can every day. It’s easy to walk away. Far harder to stay. Blessings and love.

    • Garfield Hug says:

      Thank you Brenda for sharing. I am sorry to learn that you are a sole survivor of a car crash. Must have been tough. Your words soothed me. It is true it is one’s choice. Most wise Brenda! 💕💕🐾🐾But it is hard really and I feel sad that the ones loved should do a little reciprocating! Not easy being a parent or a child😔 I have to do my best as there is no one else and it isn’t fair to my senior folks. Garfields hugs🤗🤗🤗💕💕

  4. mistermuse says:

    Very wise words from Brenda. You can only control what you can control — you can’t change those who won’t do the right thing, and it only compounds their self-seeking if you let it shut off your better angels.

    But enough preaching from me — you have Garfield close by to support you no matter what! 🙂

  5. This brave plunge into complexity seems to scorn simplistic answers in favour of searching questions. A good read … 🙂

  6. Truth is always stranger (ie. more complex) than fiction. I read stories but always like to keep a non-fiction book (eg. a biography) on the go.

  7. Thanks for sharing…. was reading it like a true drama story. A deep personal insight into private life… not easy but you have remain true to yourself to care for your parents… kudos.

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