Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Fruit Cake Recipe Hic…Hic

on December 30, 2017

Fruitcake Recipe


1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups candied fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice


1 bottle whiskey (sample the whiskey to check for quality) 


1. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again – to be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. 

2. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 

3. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. 

4. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. 

5. Turn off the mixer. 

6. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of candied fruit.

7. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. 

8. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. 

9. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

10. Check the whiskey. 

11. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. 

12. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

13. Grease the oven. 

14. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

15. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.


P.S. By now you would know this isn’t an actual recipe ha ha๐Ÿ˜‚

7 responses to “Fruit Cake Recipe Hic…Hic

  1. charlypriest says:

    just wrote it on…paper! Yes paper still exists. I’ll see later on or tomorrow how it ends up, if not I’ll give you a call and you can take over.

  2. This may be the easiest recipe to follow I’ve ever seen (though I suspect by the end of it, I may not be able to follow the directions entirely).

  3. scifihammy says:

    Now This is how to bake! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

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