Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Some Are Luckier Than Others

I admit that I am not the luckiest of people.

I hear of people I know of who can pick up $50 here or there on the road or hit the lottery for $300,000 just like that.

Bird Man is one lucky dude that struck the lottery not once, but twice!

For the life of me, the only money I have ever picked up on the road was twice; $2 and $20. Chop change but better than none I guess. I kept the $2 till today and the $20 I used it for groceries. This was like 15 years ago when I was younger LOL! I guess I should have handed it to the Police but I did not. *There is no finder’s keepers policy here and I learnt that from reading up on law books.

So, if I did find a thousand or hundreds of thousands, I will definitely return it to the police else I will be haunted by what the money was used for and how it came about! *Too many Hollywood movies!*

MR EX turned up like a bad penny on my door step. He needed a listening ear. 5 minutes was what he asked that I give him. I may not like him but I would give total strangers 5 minutes and on account of past history with him, I granted him 8 minutes.

MR EX seems to be in a spot of trouble and his usual cloak and dagger espionage tale surfaced.

Dramatically he shared that he will be splashed all over the newspapers soon for court cases whereby he is hauled to court for things his staff did.

He gave the usual sob story that he must “run away” or make drastic actions to disappear.

He thinks I am an imbecile and think simplistically! LOL!

I seem to be luckier than MR EX.

I do not live a cloak and dagger secret squirrel kinda lifestyle. My life is as transparent as the glass. I have no riches but I work hard.

I have imbeciles at work and a Money Bags to contend with, whom I have labelled as narcissistic bum!

I gripe at the long hours at work, doing stuff that seems outside my ambit. But for the sake of earning a decent living, I do my best.

Life is full of tribulations, guesses, hit and misses.

I have not hit the jackpot. I have missed out on life’s opportunities – missed out on buying a farm deal in Australia and guesses did not help me in selecting a right man to be my husband. In the end, I chose none.

I could have married so and so but I did not. If I did, I wonder if my life would be any different?

Better? Worst? Happier? Sadder?

I will never know.

But what I do know is that some are luckier than others and I am not the luckiest of persons.

I am just grateful that I have a roof over my head, food on the table and a job to slave at. Most importantly, I have an inanimate furball called Garfield that truly loves me for who I am and allows me to squeeze him to bits!

I may not be lucky but I am not insane.

I may not be lucky but I live each day in honesty and speak my mind – sardonically of course, peppered with sarcasm and inane comments for the morons.

 

 

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CM’s Food Porn #36

Classmate (CM) is on a job in Thailand and as usual, he shared photos with me, whilst waiting for time to leave his hotel to catch his flight home.

He said he was eating longans (*Dragon Eyes fruit) – see the brown globules in blue plastic bag.

He is eating the fruits with Chinese tea and smoking. He is a crazy dude as he smokes like a chimney! I baulked when I saw 4 packets of cigarettes on the table.

He said he had a “light lunch” – noodles and veggies.

His dinner last night comprised mainly shellfish and fish. Thailand has great seafood and with him eating shellfish most times, I realise this could be why he does not put on weight!

As he ate he text me saying that there were 2 ladies sitting opposite of him was taking ages to order.

He was amused.

He also shared that today was a Buddhist festival in Thailand.

Thais are largely buddhists and they really worship their King.

The old king who died last year was only cremated this year and they were in mourning for a year!

Such loyal subjects indeed. I admire their love for their late King.

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A Different & More Fun Name

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Only A Gynae Can Score 150% On A Test

A gynecologist gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic…
So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could….
When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill…..
When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%….
Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.
You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark…..
I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the exhaust!!.

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This Sums It Up

Seamus died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy.

The three men had always done everything together.

Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, ‘Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.’

The mortician rolled him over and Mick said, ‘Nope sorry, dat ain’t Seamus.’

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body.

Paddy looked at the body and said, ‘Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.’

The mortician rolled him over and Paddy said, ‘NO, dat ain’t Seamus.’

The mortician asked, ‘How can you tell..???’

Paddy said, ‘Well cos, Seamus had Two AssHoles.’

‘What..?? He had Two AssHoles..??’ asked the mortician.

‘Yup, we never actually seen ’em, but everybody used to say:-

“There’s Seamus with dem Two AssHoles”..!

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How To Get Son To Improve In Maths

A young boy is doing very poorly in maths at public school.
His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation.
Lo and behold, after his first term in the new private Catholic school, the boy’s grades were straight
A’s, even in maths!
Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school.
“Oh, it’s all right, I guess,” he replies.
“They must be teaching you some new tricks!”
“Not really.” “Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?”
“Well”, he says, “as soon as I saw that poor fella nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!”

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And Life With Money Bags #3 – Creativity Knows No Bounds

They say that the creative know no bounds!

Well, I am for sure, not a creative accountant!

I am one of thoseĀ  morons who will not know how to cook the books to save myself. I hate numbers and would often gripe about balancing my company’s bank book. Either way, I am in trouble – too little money, I am in trouble. Too much money, I am also in trouble.

In the first place, this is not my job. I am not a finance person, I am HR as in human resources. I never applied for the role of a Finance Accountant.

But Money Bags will not have any of this. He just wants someone to do this for him and conveniently it falls onto my shoulders as since I am HR then all financials to do with manpower comes under me. Sigh!

Friday was another exasperating experience. I was told to work out the net to gross values of humans who wanted to evade personal income tax.

Pish phosh…of course this is not “evasion of personal income tax” as it is the creative technique of Money Bags to call it as a hire under net salary basis.

For the life of me, I do not know the tax laws of this country, much less the various different variables to deduct such as social security etc.

But having a little bit of a brain in my head, I googled and picked the information from credible websites to establish the different tax variants.

I learnt that there was this feature in Excel for “goal seek” to work the values backwards up.

I approached Money Bags and as usual he curtly me told he was leaving. But I blocked his way and he had no choice but to explain.

It turns out that Money Bags just wanted to make my working life miserable as the colleagues in 2 different countries told me off as to why I was asking for supporting documents when Money Bags has been approving this from time immemorial and the factors have not changed.

Yet, I was told by Money Bags to check and support the work sheet.

Money Bags is idiosyncratic and he loves to behave as if he is God.

I managed to recreate the values by spending the entire Saturday holed up and working. I am famished honestly as it is now 5.10pm and I have not yet had lunch. I only had some crackers and tea this morning for breakfast and started on my quest to balance the books or cook it – whichever!

I would have loved to steam the books really!

I managed to do for all except for 2 minions and I suspect it is the tax computations that made it a discrepancy. I have no resource for help and could only turn to Eunuch for help.

I also told Eunuch that Ms Feisty was in tears because of this and she had wanted to quit!

Ms Excitable had gone missing in action after day 2 of work and with a new hire coming in Monday, I hope my Ms AdminĀ  will hack it.

I have come to the point of being brutally frank to say this is a shit hole to work in and that there is Money Bags you have to contend with. I show them my lack lustre sweat shop work area and guess what, Ms Admin accepted the position!

God speed!

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Aging Gracefully

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Sentry At Work

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Finding An Extra Hand At Work

Ms Feisty broke down and cried today as Money Bags made it hard for her to settle a piece of work.

Ms Feisty was not wrong. Before we entered as minions in Monkey Lord’s kingdom, Money Bags went about approving things without questioning.

Since we have arrived, Money Bags questions anything or everything that has been done before.

I could not afford to lose Ms Feisty. She is a nice girl and hardworking too.

So, although I was swamped, I took over her work.

I googled to teach self about tax regimes in Country A and Country 2.

In my line of work, it is Money Bags that is supposedly the expert in taxes and all things money.

But Money Bags is a bully and expects my department to do financials.

I got so fed up that I told Eunuch that if required I will go and get a degree in Finance and be a CPA just to spite Money Bags.

I have an MBA and a Bachelor’s plus a stack of certificates or diplomas I call, “toilet paper”

I presented all the financials on both countries after finding out the various social security rates, tax relief values, Housing Fund and PIT (Personal Income Tax) rates.

It took me 4 hours to research and I found the information I need.

After all the work, Money Bags said he knew what the document was about and that it was correct.

Isn’t he an ass!

He made Ms Feisty waste 4 hours as she was so lost in financial figures and for me, 5 hours as I needed to justify the quoted values I was supposed to, through due diligence.

I have Ms Contract joining me on Monday and I hope to offload her my other admin duties. I have her for 6 months only and so, I better savour each day of this contract staff with me and Ms Feisty.

*Please excuse the profanity in above meme!*

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