Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Being Literal

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Oldest Man In Dublin?

Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest ever living man.
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin.

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What Happens When A Former President Dies

I found this on the internet and surmised this is written not by a fan of former Presidents.

Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

“I’m not sure what to do.” says the Devil. “You’re on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I’m going to have to let someone else go.”

“I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves!”

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Nancy Peloisi and a large pool of hot water. she kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was her fate in hell.

“No!’ said Obama. ‘I don’t think so, I’m not a good swimmer!” The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

“No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day.”

The Devil opened the third door. In it, Obama saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally says, “Yeah, I can handle this.” The Devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to Go!”

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Chinese Lunar New Year – Year Of The Pig

5 & 6 February 2019 are the first 2 days of the Lunar New Year.

There are a total of 15 days and it starts on New Year’s eve with Reunion Dinner and ends with Chap Goh Meh.

This is a big affair for the Chinese as we pig out, gamble on card games and mahjong with family and friends, visit friends and relatives, more eating and drinking.

5 & 6 February 19 are public holidays and the good part is that the roads will be quieter as everyone is home celebrating.

Ha! I will not need to worry about odd road signages nor concentrating on the roads as traffic will not be bumper to bumper 😉

I will find my way about…

I really will not need to pout!

“Yam Seng” is what people will shout,

Followed by eating bouts!

No battles are allowed to be fought,

Peace and prosperity are sought.

This is what CNY is truly about!

*Yam Seng* is akin to bottoms up as we clink beer glasses.

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Ipad Tekkie

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Best Secret Keeper

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Seriously?

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Sunday Spent, Almost Monday

Part time help did not make it to help me with my house chores and now my back is screaming in pain.

I was “Maria”…mopping, washing toilets, laundry and ironing. Glad that all is done and I can relax in bed as it is almost 9pm.

I did get a chance to look at the garden shrubbery and was pleased to see that the unsually dry spell has forced the hibiscus to bloom.

I love it that the green hedge is dotted with red blooms.

I saw a Raffles palm growing quickly and oversized for its pot.

I hope it gets transplanted to the ground soon so that it can expand.

I saw a new ground covering growing luxuriously in the shade.

I felt it was pretty to use this as ground covering as it creeps.

My treasure trove of laughs were found and I happily share.

As for Orange Man’s perennial argument on the wall..

I have heard of the Canary Islands but did not know these facts.

Sumday night going on Monday…laugh we must to chase away Monday blues.

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How To Tell A Guy When…..

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.
A checkout chick walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
When he was just about done shopping, a man came up and said, “Your fly is open.”
He zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the girl was that told him about his “barracks door.”
He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, “When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?”
The girl thought for a moment and said:
“No, no I didn’t……. but I saw a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.”..

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If Only It Was That Easy

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