Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

3 Laughs

LAUGH #1

Sam found a wallet today with a wad of cash inside. Being the good Christian that he is, he thought what would Jesus do?

So he did the right thing and turned it into wine.

不不不不不不不不不

LAUGH #2

Two blondes are talking “I had a pregnancy test today” said the first.

The second said “Were the questions hard?”

不不不不不不

LAUGH #3

My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me.
“Well,” she said, “I’ve lost a stone Can you see a difference?”
I picked up a pebble and tossed it in
the ocean. “The beach has lost a stone,” I said. “Can you see a difference?..

(*Do this to your wife and you could end up in the dog house!)

不不不不不不

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Unexpected

2 Comments »

Nirvana…Erm Not Quite There Yet!

I am not perfect.

I am not centred or aligned to be in a state of Nirvana.

Heck no! I am not even in Shangri-la.

I have learnt that life does not have utopian ideals but filled with nooks and crannies of worries, frustrations, work issues, family issues etc.

Often times faced with challenges that time can only solve or risk facing difficult choices.

It is fantastic if I can arrive in a state of nirvana..surrounded by tranquility, serenity, unfazed by anything around me.

I have, more importantly learnt to protect my ass!

I wish for wisdom.

I wish for grounded intellect and the ability to discern between a right or wrong decision.

But at the end if it all…the journey of my life will end.

It is the journey from birth to death that makes me want to achieve Nirvana.

But, I doubt it.

I may possibly exit life, non the wiser really!

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Police Statement

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When Men Age

A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Romford because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Romford because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Romford because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Romford because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Romford because they had never been there before.

5 Comments »

Cheapest & Most Effective Gym Membership

12 Comments »

Now I Feel Old

1. Pink Panther

2. Smurfs

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

4. Garfield…my one and only!!

5. Flintstone’s Bam Bam

6. A.L.F. (*Alien Life Form)

7. Alvin & The Chipmunks

8. Beetlejuice

9. Ghostbuster

Can you kindly help me identify the bears?

16 Comments »

A Eureka Moment Of Enlightenment

Ms Feisty may be hopeless in English – both written and spoken but she has a razor sharp mind when it came down to street smart matters.

After knowing her for more than 6 months now, she shared with me that she divorced her husband as he is an alcoholic.

So much so that he leaves the gas stove lit when he passes out drunk.

Ms Feisty finds this a hazard and amongst other things, she filed for divorce.

I applauded her tenacity as it was not easy to break off a marriage but I now know for her own sanity, it was better for her to leave him.

At least she now has Miffy to entertain her or to shower love on.

So I shared with her on MR EX.

I asked her simply why was Mr EX buzzing around like a housefly that will not die?

Her logic is perfectly sound.

MR EX wants to flirt with you but not hold any responsibilities. If he was intent in leaving his wife, he would have done so quite expediently.

If he has not left his wife after all this time, the likelihood of him leaving his wife is a big fat zero.

MR EX hangs around me, in her opinion, because I am fun to be with and keeps him happy. He does not care beyond anything else and would not be around if anything should happen to me.

Ms Feisty spoke the truth and I pondered on her words.

Yes, MR EX has never been around when I needed proper help or in times of emergency.

I am at most, a useful distraction and nothing more. I am also a useful source of network links for him to get some business.

I am sad as this made me feel like “being used”

I shot off a text message to MR EX saying the same and he is now in a world of silence.

The aerosol of truth prevails and he is silent. Perhaps this is the best anti buzzing fly spray!

17 Comments »

Only With The Irish

2 Comments »

Poor Paddy

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