Husbands Who Drive Have Natural “GPS”

(*NOTE – The “I” used in this blog post does not refer to me but to the person who wrote and posted this on the internet)

Here goes….

I have a little GPS
I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“It’s sixty miles an hour”, it says
“You’re doing sixty five”
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counseling
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And – lets me have a shed.
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off!!.

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Arches Of Life

Arches of life,

Breathing green lungs of life.

Arches of life,

A perfect spot to wed a wife.

Arches of life,

Showing no signs of strife.

Miffy knows as she’s alive!

Speaking To Natives

Sam went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

“I like it” Sam said, “does it come with running water?”

Native American said, “bugger off, get your own wife.”

Really?

Blonde Joke

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Serving At An Old Folks Home

Today, 30 of us from the office will serve at an old folks home for half a day and then return to work after.

Monkey Lord, Eunuch and Kojack will join us as part of the 30 pax to serve meals to the senior residents (largely abandoned, lonely or without family) and thereafter sing songs or play games with them.

I like doing these things and it was me who got the company involved in doing corporate social responsibility programs (CSR).

When I first joined Monkey Lord, he bemoaned the lack of activities for the company as a whole for CSR programs.

I assessed the situation and realized that they had no singular focus as to what is their identified pet cause.

Without it, it is hard to align to any one group – for e.g. Cancer Society etc.

So I decided to make them a community partner of where I serve as a volunteer with Duke Of Yore.

This way, they can do whatever they feel like supporting and have a flavor of what they are involved in.

As a company, Kojack had several facilities of the old folks home repaired and putting in non slip floor tiles and grab bars in the toilets.

Much as we wanted to help them with the elevator issues, we could not do so this round as it would set us back a couple of hundred thousands to put in 2 new elevators.

Perhaps next time when we raise more money to help them.

Till our next event – paintball with marginalized children! Monkey Lord would like this very much as well as many of our staff would like this fun game.

A New Ben & Jerry Flavor

It All Started From Adam & Eve’s Time

God Said,
“Adam, I want you to do something for Me.”
Adam Said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?”
God Said, “Go down into that Valley.”
Adam said, “What’s a valley?”
God explained it to him.
Then God said, “Cross the River.”
Adam said, “What’s a River?”
God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the Hill…..”
Adam said “What is a Hill?”
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, “On the other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.”
Adam said, ‘What’s a Cave?’
After God explained, He said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
Adam said, “What’s a Woman?’
So God explained That to him, too.
Then, God said, ‘I Want you To Reproduce.”
Adam said, “How do I do That?”
God first said (under His breath), “Geez…..”
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down Into The valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is It Now?”
And Adam said….
“What’s a Headache?”

Now Women Knows

Reflections Of Mine In Singapore

I was delighted to read an article in the papers this morning that a Malay Chef is also indulging in Lion Dancing.

Why am I so happy?

If you have read about the Muslim clashes, the bombings in Sri Lanka (Catholic churches), you will be frightened as religion, it seems, is not for yours to take in those countries.

Let me share with you our lil red dot’s multi cultural and multi racial make up in citizenry.

Genetically, we all descended from migrant forefathers from India, China, Straits countries etc.

There is no Singaporean per se ie no purity as we are a young island state and those born of migrant parents became Singaporeans – like my parents!

We grew up in a tiny red dot of Malays, Indians, Chinese and Eurasians.

Our founding father (modern one named Lee Kuan Yew) recognised that we cannot have Muslims against Chinese or Indians etc. We must co-exist and have racial harmony. This is from his seeing the Malays fighting Chinese in Malaysia in the 1960s.

So when we broke away from Malaya in 1965 and set up an independent Singapore, he enforced racial harmony.

There were no enclaves of housing purely for this race or that race but we do have Little India, Geyland Serai (Malays to set up shops and sell uniquely Malay cuisine and cookies or pastries) and Chinatown for identity keeping and tourism.

Housing Board flats were allotted to ensure parity in different races and that no singular race dominated any one block of flats.

As a citizen of Singapore (I am born in Singapore), I studied with Malays, Chinese, Indians and Eurasians.

I was also put in charge of 2 visually challenged students. Maybe this is why I am lured to continue on with social work till this date.

When I entered the work force, I worked alongside Malays, Chinese, Indians and Eurasians. I enjoyed whatever their spouses cooked for us at lunch times as we shared food.

We all spoke one language – the language of being Singaporean as we laughed, joked, cried and quarreled as one Singapore.

There is no racial slurs – not tolerated and we co-exist, having good friends in other nationalities.

I remembered making friends with Malay Muslims of my age at the beach where their parents ran a little mee rebus stall selling this for a living. From them, I learnt how to speak Malay.

Till this date, we are still friends and the daughter, whom I tutored, today runs her late mother’s food stall now located in Changi Village.

So, when I read about the racial riots or fights against Catholics or Muslims or whatever nationalities, I feel sad.

I wish all countries could adopt our lil red dot’s model.

We have an influx of foreign migrants too – from mainland China, India (doctors, surgeons, IT specialists), Norway (my mother’s cardiologist is from Norway), Malaysia, Indonesia and the list goes on.

We are a hodge podge of different but unique cultures and we are proudly who we are and fiercely protective of our nationalistic state of being Singaporean.

I admire the Malay Chef mentioned in today’s newspapers who loves Lion Dancing so much that he embraced the culture of the Chinese to learn and do the Lion Dance. There is no barrier to what we want to learn, so long as we learn it in the right frame of mind, seeing it as a form of sport (Yip Man the pugilist also had lion dancing contests for pugilists), recreation and learning one another’s culture.

I wish for every different nationality to respect each other’s beliefs so that peace, tranquility and ultimately prosperity and progress will result from it.