Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Day #10 – Bates Motel, Breathe …I Tried

Bummer…Day #9 was a challenge as I had difficulty sleeping the night before and woke up to suffering a drug allergy.

Luckily I noticed the signs and buzzed for nurses and thankfully the Ward Sister was swift to respond.

Then I plonked the drainage bottle onto the floor as I struggled off chair and it yanked my wound so badly.

To top it off…tagaderm after multiple dressings on my would acted up to cause me allergies whereby my skin rips off like 1st degree burns.

I hope to sleep tonight….all is good now after I endured a painful removal of the shunt.

I kisser the drainage goodbye….no hard feelings but I shan’t miss you!

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Irish Ticks Off Bureacracy

THIS IS AN ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER RECEIVED BY THE IRISH PASSPORT OFFICE—–HILARIOUS!

*No offence to Pakistan mentioned*

Dear Sirs,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and I am losing the will to live. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a f%$$ satellite dish from them back in 1995, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was f$%%^ born and on what date.

For f$%^^ sake, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my PPS card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight fucking passports I’ve had, before being allowed off the plane over the last 50 years, and all those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely f$%^& astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I apologise, because I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I’ve had enough of this shit! You send back the application form to my house, then you ask me for my f$%^^ address!!!!

What the f$%^ is going on?
Do you have a bunch of neanderthal arseholes working there? Look at my f$%%^ picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I just want to go and park my arse on some nice sandy beach somewhere and would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

Well, I have to sign off now, because I have to go to the other end of the f$%^& country to get another f$%^^ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of €30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too f$^^& easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the f$%%’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f$%% morons) Hey, do you know why?
We couldn’t smile if we wanted to
Because we’re totally hacked off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ………. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive work all over the world, and here in Ireland
……… However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am
– you know, someone like my doctor –
WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F$%^& PAKISTAN !
Gobshites !!

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Paddy Laughs

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The Real Day #8 Bates Motel

I hurt.

My surgical wound on my forehead sticks out.

My left ear behind to neck is sliced. Good news is that my facial nerves are intact but my ear to left cheek is heavily swollen and painful.

Tis hard to laugh really!

Swelling has slowly lessened on ear but I cannot gargle as my left cheek is weak and I speak a bit funnily for now.

Dr Andrew See said that it will take 6 to 8 months for full swelling to resolve and for me to regain muscles and nerves to speak or gargle properly.

For now I have a shunt that allows serrous fluids to exit the wound.

Meanwhile, tummy has wreaked havoc and my left foot is swollen for whatever reason…unknown to me.

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The Rabbit & The Barman

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
‘Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?’

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.’

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.’

The barman says, ‘I’m sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.’

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
‘We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, ‘Are you sure I will like it.’

The crowd’s bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, ‘Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you’ll love it.’

‘Ok,’ says the rabbit, ‘I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.’

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves….

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, ‘Who are you?

To which he is answered,
‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.’

The barman says, ‘I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.’

The rabbit says, ‘Yes I know.’

The barman said, ‘I remember, on your last night we didn’t have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.’

The rabbit said, ‘Yes, you promised me that I would love it.’

The barman said, ‘You never came back, what happened?’

‘I DIED’, said the rabbit.

‘NO!’ said the barman. ‘What from?’

After a short pause, the rabbit said …

‘Mixin-me-toasties

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Day #8 – Bates Motel, Alive & Visit From Piglet & Friends

Piglet is a friend I met on my blogsite and I was very happy to see her today when she visited me.

We chatted and she gave Garfield a carry as she loves my raggedy furball.

She gave me a print out of Garfield get well wishes which I appreciated.

Piglet is another strong person, overcoming medical issues. We encourage each other.

I was especially touched by her kind words to me today.

I am always at odds with God and I have lost wifi connectivity with heaven.

But my surgeon, Dr James, sent me a tweet from the Pope.

Dr James is a very devout Catholic and a great surgeon. He does not give up on this “soul” he says LOL!

I appreciate his tolerance of my nonsense.

I kept asking him WHY? Why ME? Why am I chopped up so much?

I came to know Dr James for my cervical implants, titanium rods and screws – the works!

He later then helped me with Dr Pang BC to put lumbar spinal implants in me.

I could walk. But no rollercoaster rides or bungee jumping!

Instead of WHY, he said my suffering is a vocation to help others.

I told Dr James, let me mull over…….is God speaking through him?

Mr Docile visited me and I will save that for another post.

Ms Feisty, Mr Jaguar, Ms Audit and Ms Legal also visited me.

I feel so loved!

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Cat Signages #7

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Cat Signages #6

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Not What You Think – Rated X

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Not From Trump’s Camp

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