Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Sunday Thoughts

on September 29, 2019

Mr Docile is having a lovely time in Barcelona, Spain and shared that he is enjoying the scenery and glorious food!

Typical Singaporeans who travel the world with a discerning palate.

I know he loves good vino as well and am sure he and his family are having an epicurean feast for each meal.

My shoulder is hurting and will continue to hurt till the darn bone spur is removed surgically.

I reflected on friendships and relationships again.

At different stages of my life, I have had friends who showed up again after a lapse of years and or made new ones.

The blessing in all this is that I was never “abandoned” when I needed a friend or help.

However, I do get upset when I approach a person for help and they choose to ignore or the person I “expect” to help me does not offer help.

Is “expectation” wrong?

Can a wife expect a husband for help? Or is it wrong to have expectations?

Can a partner expect the other to be there for each other?

If I made a promise to another and I do not fulfill is, am I, the promisor at fault or the promisee?

Promises (yes sounds like I am in Kindie, like a kid with pinky promises) are not contractual I guess but I do like to keep promises I make.

If I cannot keep a promise then, I would refrain from promising anyone I can do this or that.

I was berated for expecting a promise to be kept.

I was chided that I had “expectations” by the promisor.

I am old fashioned and a romantic at heart.

I give trust and love – would help where I can, to be best of my ability in deeds as I am not of philanthropic net worth to be dishing out millions of dollars!

Someone I know close to 31 years, would always throw something bad at me when I share any sadness or pain in health matters.

“My neck and shoulder is hurting painfully”


“Something bad happened to me. In discussion now with some people after class”

“What happened?”


“Tell you face to face when we meet” – silence ensued.

“Surgeons finally found the cause of my unexplainable shoulder pain. I have a nasty bone spur that is sawing my tendon when I use my arm.


“I have a strange illness and I have to be extra extra careful. Will be going to TTSH to confirm”

I have decided with much heartache that this is not a friend I need or want to keep any longer.

I cannot seek this friend’s help to lug groceries or help me with heavy household items. This friend will never assign or set aside time to help me to get food either as constant claims of terribly busy with alot of appointments in diary.

I often wondered why I cannot be penned in?

But my friend has time to champion eco causes, petition against a sentence passed by a judge for molestation charges and so on….

Would you keep this person who replies you like this?

I would drop this “friend” like a hot potato right?!

Silly me to keep this baggage for 31 years thinking a friendship or a relationship exists.

8 responses to “Sunday Thoughts

  1. ralietravels says:

    Very few people really listen to what is said. They hear, and what they hear is a reflection of their own experiences and needs and that is how they respond. That seems to be human nature.
    I remind my self of this. I honor them for who they are and not what I want them to be.
    When I find a rare person who really listens, I cherish them.
    And then I try to remind myself to be the person I want others to be.

  2. Ultra says:

    Difficult answer. After all, I think a friend should take care of my needs first, and then fix the world.
    best regards

  3. A spouse or partner has promised to “love, comfort, honor and keep, in sickness and in health”, which would certainly include all manner of lifting and lugging. Unfortunately, not even partners remember these vows, and to find a true friend is rare indeed, Too many of us use the word “friend” when we really mean “acquaintance”. To me, a real friend is almost an extra spouse. They listen to you, are willing to help you, can have a conversation, as well as quiet times together. And this is a two-way street. To BE a friend, you must also be willing to do the same.

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