Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

So Me…Do You Do The Same?



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For Laughs #5

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. “I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a choo-choo.”

She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.” She then asked Bobby what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said.

“What book did you read?” Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the $hit.”



Dashing about,

Lots to shout.

As if like a fighter in a bout,

I am filled with doubt.

Why has work made me pout?

Why has work made me behave like a lout?

I need to boot Ms Blur and give her a big shout,

Lazy but full of excuses to cast doubt.

Life goes on with a hooray I shout,

I cannot beat crappy days, just chug down a stout,

Tmorrow’s a new day, new shouts!


Deciphering Chinglish

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Paddy Again


Best Eye Test

I’ve just been to the Optician for my annual eye test.

The Optician puts a contraption on my face ,and said ” what can you see? “

“I see empty Airports and empty Football grounds”

I said ” I see closed theatres , closed pubs, closed Restaurants “
That’s perfect says the Optician, you’ve got 2020 vision!

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For Sure, A Fail

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

The Social workers raise doubts about the living conditions in a circus, but the couple produce photos of their 50-foot luxury motor home, which is clean and well-maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The Social workers also raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

“We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills”.

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

“Our nanny is a certified expert in Paediatric care, Welfare and Diet”.

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask “What age child are you hoping to adopt?” They said “It doesn’t really matter as long as they can fit in the cannon”.


Who Is The Biggest Liar?

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Tonight’s Puzzle