Thursday Night Laughs
Before I lay Garfield to sleep,
I must make sure his eyes don’t peep.
Eyes closed, Garfield’s asleep,
Let’s post more laughs, to laugh deep.
Rude Awakening
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates.
St Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.”
Ralph was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”
St Peter said, “Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged. It does involves a lot of paperwork… but sure. You’ve got two alternatives: you can come back as a fish or as a hen.”
Ralph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn’t be that bad after all. Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local cockerel was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence.
Ralph replied, “Okay, then I choose to be a hen.”
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A cockerel strolled past. “So, you’re the new hen, eh? How’s your first day here?”
“Not bad,” replied Ralph the hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m gonna explode!”
“You’re ovulating,” explained the cockerel
“Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?”
“Never,” said Ralph.
“Well, just cluck twice and then push.”
Ralph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time. He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg. His joy was overwhelming
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, “Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You’re shitting the bed!!!”……..
For Laughs R21
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:
The daughter said to her mother. “My hands are freezing cold.”
The mother replied. “Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.” The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said. “My hands are freezing cold.”
The girl replied. “Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.” He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said. “My nose is cold.”
The girl replied. “Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.” He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said. “My penis is frozen solid.”
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother. “Have you ever heard of a penis?”
Slightly concerned the mother said. “Why, yes. Why do you ask?”
The daughter replies. They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they?” 😅
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