Monday Is Almost Over…Garfield’s Happy!

The wet weather has prevented me from dunking Garfield into the washer for a wash, spin dry session.

I am a silly adult who refuses to let go of a cottony furball that brings me solace and comfort in times of sadness, pain or frustration. It is easy to pretend to be an adult but it is harder to let the inner child out.

I am not psychotic but Garfield has become a coping mechanism of life’s realities and ugliness.

Everyone has a coping mechanism I feel. Some turn to vices such as gambling, drug addiction or medicines to find the relief.

I am too cheap to do any other method except hug Garfield and it works, without harming me.

I know I will be in trouble if I hear Garfield having a conversation with me but so far, I am pretty sane! LOL!

I believe everyone has an Achilles heel of sorts. Even the most endowed or blessed have something that makes them tick or work.

Chicken found solace in meditation.

I found solace in Garfield.

Ms B took to loving her four furkids and be lost in her world of work and furkids.

JerkFace is happily in retirement, showing tours of his estate to friends though I did advise him to charge a fee and run a full bed and breakfast as no harm being paid to do it and feel of use. But I guess he is doing well and can afford not to earn dollars! Lucky him!

Mr Nice flew back from Bangkok last Friday evening and is now packing away to fly out to Europe, Italy and the Romance countries for a spot of wining, dinning and enjoyment. This comes after he and his brother battled prostate cancer. He will need to return for radiotherapy after his Europe trip. So, I can understand his need to have a bit of fun.

I am unsure what I can do when it is time for me to retire? I have not put any thought in it as there is still alot of life left in me to work and plod on.

Surely I want to retire? Yes but not at the expense of being poorer for it.

The world economy has veered off course. Inflation is up, everything costs more and mortgage loan interest is killing a lot of good folks.

I suppose when the time comes, I will live in a tinier pigeon hole and be part of an integrated community though I must prefer to have privacy in my life.

I do not want a life of public scrutiny and want to have the power of dollars to do what I choose to do with volunteers and continue to make a difference. Big words, but in reality, I know that the next few years are going to be hard challenges for a lot of folks.

I hope to be able to continue on with my job and still contribute.

Will I have physical mobility functions intact? I saw how my peer born with Muscular Dystrophy is living life to the fullest through the use of a motorized wheelchair. Will I end up like that? Big question – if it does, I must plod on right?

What if I need more surgeries on my spine in my 70s – will I survive it and overcome the recovery and therapy attached to it?

Surely my strength and gumption to overcome will wax and wane over time?

Maybe I am looking at things all wrong?

Maybe there is that golden glimmer of hope to find true love and live happily ever after with that missing knight in shining armor as we tiptoe through the sunset years?

I shudder to think of the positives as my life thus far have sent me smack into negativities.

I am afraid to think positive as it is a fallacy of sorts and then I set self up to fail.

Go ahead, say it, ” I am chicken shit!”

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Halloween Horrors!

Strawberries and cream in a bundt plan makes it a horror story in itself!

My fave sharpener

Perils Of Dating Barbie

Couch Potatoes Beware

When Snoopy Becomes A Dad!

Neighbor’s Cooking 29 October 22

Neighbor was kind to know that I was not feeling good. So she heated some left over pumpkin rice and a side of lotus nut soup with pork bones for me for Saturday brunch as I had to leave for work.

For dinner, she cooked sweet and sour fish with zucchini and peppers with white rice.

Neighbor also has her challenges and I understood her life’s stressors too. She calls me ” sis” and I accord her the same title of acknowledgement too. I shared with her that for her to have me in her heart is indeed a blessing as she cares if I am well or unwell and if I need a bite.

I have done my annual shopping of a gift to her. I know she loves jewellery and to me, the best way to recognize her kindness is to give her something that she will like and use or pass down as heirloom to her grandsons. Just a small token of my appreciation as she is well off to buy the largest of bling blings to suit her tastes and preferences 😉

Halloween Finds

Case Of The Pregnant Lady

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied…
“Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are Coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”..

..I just lost it…….”CASE DISMISSED!!”

Not A Fairy Tale Ending

Brother Flies The Coop Soon

It is easier being the transient child – flits in and out, lesser responsibilities and easier to disassociate self from the demands of familial life.

My life will return to the humdrum hustle and bustle of sleeping with one ear open, as I have always done for a long time.

I had a difficult 2 weeks. I started to disassociate self from my brother and avoided seeing him. It gave me greater sanity and control of my life.

It is best not to see, hear nor know what he wants to do to help or not help. If he decides to help, well and good. If he chooses not to, I must accept that it is not his expected duty to do so. Afterall, I am the designated (unelected, nor appointed but self inflicted responsible one) go to point person.

I have questioned life again and again.

What is life?

What has life got to do with religion? Are both intertwined?

I have thrown out religion, realizing that religion is a form of soliloquy moment for one to wallow in and try to soothe self.

Today I threw out the last 2 prayer books – enough! Also the amulet from Carmelite Monastery. Belief is as much as faith only and since I no longer believe, faith endeth.

I no longer believe in family as the word, ” family” is a misnomer to me. I can be ” family” to anyone for that matter so long as there is reciprocity or some element of kindness, acceptance and appreciation. But therein lies my fault!

Must reciprocity be expected?

Must kindness be expected to be returned?

MR EX started to get testy with me because he felt that I ought to start showering him with money and meal treats. I refused because being the Asianized woman and seeing how he splurges on just about everyone but me, I felt it was not in my place to condone his wants or needs.

Was I selfish? Probably. But I wanted him to pare down and decide that I was one to be valued and not used.

In managing my motley crew of brother and sister, I realized our recent spat arose because my brother was cross with me for buying a new car. I had no choice as my sedan type car was not helping my spine and I needed a car to be a chauffeur to my parents and run their errands. I was stuck getting in and out of my sedan as my spine was terribly stiff.

Bro condemned the choice of my new car (not that he played a part in paying in any way for me) citing how he knew the legal team of this company’s car models and that it was a “cursed” car.

Of course these allegations were baseless! There have been zero reports on the demerits of this SUV model. So I am unsure of his intentions.

Things came to a head when I approached him to help me collect the car and be a person of moral support.

His snide and curt reply was, ” your car, your problem, not mine!”

I thought back of the errands he wanted me to run for him when he was away and the things I had to do for him. I did not understand why. I never used such words with him and helped with all intent and purposes as both he and my sister acted like arm chair CEOs directing me to do their bidding for things they need.

No, I do not get paid a stipend nor am I compensated for parking fees or gas to to get their errands done. I am their unpaid minion and I just had to suck it up and do it, which I did! I never looked at compensation as to me, this was helping family.

I could attribute to the fact that my siblings were always looking at me to fail. They always put rocks in my path, steered family politics to veer my father to disown me so that I am one share lesser in the family wealth apportionment department.

My philosophy has been simple. If it is mine, it will be mine and if it is not mine, it will never be mine.

Working hard made me tenacious. It toughened me. It made me realise that I needed to rely on self to put food on my table, a roof over my head and work 3 to 4 jobs to outlive, outplay and outwit.

I put self through grad school and constantly upskill to stay adept.

I read voraciously to understand what is going on in the world and how it it will impact me.

All these hard life’s lessons, put a toll on my life – my health gave way as I worked long hours to survive.

I never regretted working hard as it gave me pride to know that I can do it. No matter what my siblings tried to foil in my life’s plan and to see me fail, it did not work.

Does it mean alot for them to see me fail? I guess so! I know they want to see me miserable, poor and defeated. But I refuse!

I am tired of lemony treats and have stopped making lemony treats. Instead I face the bull of issues by the horns and take it on.

I want to stop lying to myself that my health will improve or that my family situation with the toxic duo will get better. It won’t! If it does, then voila! A miracle of sorts!

Recently an elderly mother and son were found dead in their flat. This was in an area where I volunteer at. The decedents were in their late 80s and 60s.

The stench emitted let volunteers know that something was amiss.

I do not want to end up like that. So, I reminded Boy, my neighbor to look out for me and call the police if he sees newspapers pile up on my gate.

So, what is family again?

It is a just a noun of no meaning.

If someone is nice and can be nice, striking a good and meaningful friendship for relationship, then it is akin to something.

I will not use the word ” family” anymore as it is such a bad word.

If the word ” family” is a noun for persons of interest to use, manipulate or garner self interest agendas, then I rather kill this word.

For me, Garfield, my inanimate furball is there 100% of the time, giving me warm hugs and comfort plus solace.

For my college mate, B, she found ” family” in her four fur kids, after getting out of a difficult marriage and letting go of her pet bakery business in San Francisco.

Family means squat to those who do not know it nor want to cultivate it.

Family means manipulation to those who want to profit from it.

Family, if it genuinely exists to those who treasure it and live by it, are precious to those who have it.

Thus far, Chicken, Bird, loads of others that I know of, have weighed in and shared with me their tales of Family horrors!

Sounds like an epic Halloween block buster waiting for Stephen King to materialize it.