One’s Journey Through Cancer

Cancer to some is a death sentence.

Cancer to others is a journey of tenancity, true grit and making the right choices.

Cancer can be tamed for some, whilst for others it is a delabitating disease that robs one of mobility and life dignity.

When I learnt of my diagnosis of cancer, only 3 of my good friends and Neighbor felt for me.

Mr Nice was one of them and the other 2 were Piglet and Chicken.

The sole doctor that was truly worried for me was Dr Bones. He empathized with my life’s journey and just last Friday, in our 50 minute conversation, we recounted how we met.

Truth be told, anaesthesia wiped out all my memories. Dr Bones reminded me that we met because Dr Celebrity opined that the bone spur cutting into my tendon was not a necessity to fix. Dr Lui disagreed with Dr Celebrity and found me Dr Bones.

The rest is history. Dr Bones and I got along smashingly well as doctor and patient. Along the way, he became a brother, a friend and a confidante. We yak about food, his sons, his busy schedule and his chores after being a professional surgeon.

Dr Bones showed me he was no different than other men with families except he has no time to dawdle on golf, drive a fancy sports car and be an idler.

Dr Bones stood by me in my cancer journey. Without him as my primary care physician giving me strength, courage and solutions, I might not have overcome.

Now that my dad has been diagnosed with lesions on the pancreas and possibly cancerous (?), it is now my turn to walk him through this cancer journey with him. 26 April 23 is when I meet with the hepato doctor.

Perhaps with age comes calmness or perhaps it is his dementia blocking his think thoughts. But I find him pretty lucid if he chooses to be.

Perhaps it is his way to cope with life’s challenges.

In opening up and sharing on my blog site, others have reached out to comfort me. I also learnt that Chronosfer is a survivor of bowel cancer. Chronosfer takes beautiful photos and never gives up. I admire his true grit and kindness to reach out to me.

All of us have some form of worry, life’s challenges or a gripe or two. Yet, each reader that I have met, has been very kind to offer me a kind word or two or remind me that I am not alone in my struggles.

Just when I thought no one would care if I was erased from face of this earth, Barracuda Ally, my physiotherapist texted me out of the blue to ask how was I doing.

I am glad that I am not forgotten yet.

Advertisement

My Inanimate Furball, Garfield

Monogrammed Garfield text on his clothes

Garfield’s foot in a bandage as I too, had foot surgery.

Garfield with Mousie

Garfield’s arm in a sling as I had a sling too for shoulder surgery

This Garfield was gifted to me by Duchess Of Yore who loves me so much that she got her security team to track where she could get her hands on a Garfield.

Above photos have been edited by Mr Nice for me. 😃

All Quiet On My MR EX Front – I Shall Enjoy National Day With Pride & Being One Year Older – 9th August 2022

I pleased as pie (Comment: I have no idea how this phrase came about but I like using it LOL!) as MR EX has evaporated into thin air. Looks like this evil virus of MR EX is gone and I am pleased as pie.

I have successfully blocked him in all social media, what’s app messaging and the like.

Peace and quiet reigns as he longer remains like a thorn in my paw!

I am being typically unfair I suppose – It could be said that MR EX is terribly happy to be rid of me too. It takes two and I would like to think that he has better things to do, bigger fishes to fry and a life to enjoy than think of me, after all, I was nobody to him!

Aah well to each person’s own. Que Sera, Sera!

I am looking forward to my nation’s 57th Birthday!

I am always watching the parade on national TV with pride as each National Day also celebrates my own birthday. It does not matter if no one celebrates for me, because the nation celebrates for me, with me.

This year, Classmate has invited me to her place with my folks for my birthday celebration. This is indeed nice of her as not even my own siblings have ever celebrated for me.

My eldest sister is the meanest as I do not even remembering her buying me a birthday treat or a proper birthday gift. But hey, I am not begging for it. If only she was nice to me every single day, not self centred but kind with genuine care and concern, it would have sufficed. But that is life and no one is forcing her to anything nice for me.

I am ok celebrating with Garfield, my inanimate furball as I do not need a big hoo ha!

If I am happy, everyday is a birthday to me and the nice things that people do for me are already a birthday treat!

My birthday wishes….

For my nation, Lil Red Dot or Singapore – peace, prosperity and progress for our people. I pray for continued food sustainability and a wise, non corrupt government to steer us through this next phase of our growth. I do not want a bankrupt state and everyone suffering!

For my good doctors, continue to heal the sick and provide us patients with your expertise. Especially to my team, namely; late Dr Y C Lee; Dr Lim Yi Jia; Dr James Tan Siah Heng; Dr Boey Wah Keong; Dr Lui Hock Foong; Prof Fong Kok Yong; Dr Chua Chee Haow; Dr Daniel Yeo; Dr Tan Si Ying; Dr Luke Tan; Dr Pang Boon Chuan; Dr Looi Kok Poh; Dr Tan Jee Lim; Prof Tan Ser Kiat; Dr Chung Sook Yin; Dr Oon Chong Teik; and Dr Anders – all of you kept me alive today and played a part in my medical journey. Without you, there is no Garfield Hug.

For my good nurses, Ms Faridah, Ms Roslina, Mr EJ, Ms Shanggari, Sister Mei Fang, ADon Constance and Indy Gui, nurses of ward 10, Bates Motel for constant checking on me, wiping my butt when I am immobilised and attending to my nursing needs. Thank you for helping me recover.

For my good friends and loved ones, good health, no pain and worries for all of them, living a life that is decent and good without fear of what tomorrow brings!

For my inanimate furball Garfield, stop loosing cottony filling volume and stay plushy as always for me to continue to seek solace in squooshing you as always. Be by my side, always and may I never misplace you!

For Mr Nice to overcome and conquer his cancer!

For Mr Ability To Earn to have the continued ability to earn and never forget good friends and continue to be one.

For myself, I pray for good health, for pain to stop and for me to have continued mobility as I ferment like fine wine! Let me enjoy the love of my parents and that I continue to be able to help them.

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Why Garfield? Or Should I Ask, Why Not Garfield?

As you would know by now (or existing readers on my blog site would know), I love Garfield. Who is Garfield? He is an inanimate stuffed furball that is treated like a “real” pet to me. I often wish that Garfield can get on his hind legs and start walking about in my little pigeon hole (my little petite home) – I would like to have him pottering about and being investigative.

But this will never happen, as he is inanimate. Lifeless but just squooshy.

I can assure you I am not due to be incarcerated in the Loony House. My faculties are wholly intact. I am just wanting that child in me to surface whenever I am squooshing Garfield and having his warm cottony hugs.

But alas, he is thinning out. He is half his original size and I am to blame for squooshing him all the time as it flattens the cottony filling in him.

So again, why Garfield? Why not Snoopy or Winnie the Pooh Bear or some other cartoon character that morphed to be sold in Toys R Us as a stuffed plushy toy? Yes, Garfield was bought from Toys R Us – Mum bought it for me as I was very sad to leave my first Garfield in Turkey, at a hotel near where the Virgin Mary used to live, a sacred site!

As to why I lost Garfield there is a mystery! Perhaps a sign from the heavens above that I must face “loss” so that I can be prepared in my grown up years to face loss of humans. I bawled my eyes out when I lost the furball and I cannot fathom how I will face losing my parents when the time comes.

Back to why Garfield as my favorite inanimate companion – I used to collect Pink Panther but he was to lanky to be carried about and the plushness was not there.

Jim Davis, the creator of Garfield’s character made Garfield an intelligent, but cynical and sarcastic cat. Garfield does not exhibit emotions externally and if often seen bullying Odie but in watching the toons, I come to realise the softer side in Garfield when Odie was lost and how he made the effort to hunt for Odie.

Garfield’s trait is one of superiority and he acts like he owns John the owner. He controls John and John loves Garfield even though Garfield does not show him any affection.

Garfield’s stuffed toy plushie, is Pooky the Bear and this childhood trait in Garfield appeals to me too as it shows his softer side as a childlike character trait that requires Pookie before he can sleep, just like me requiring Garfield before I can go to lala land.

Another trait of Garfield is that he is highly intelligent. He befriends an arch enemy Mousie to agree on each doing their own thing and that the pact they made is that they do not need to cross swords as happy co-existence between Mousie and Cat is fine!

I wish I had the same character traits of Garfield – intelligence, compassion, learning to co-exist with arch nemesis, lazy and not requiring to do much.

But sigh….I am no where near where to be compared to Garfield! Gee, I lost out to an inanimate furball! Bah!

Tuesday’s Think Thoughts

I was so glad that Mr Nice told me he could be discharge from hospital today and that his wife and 2 sons will take turns to help him with his urinary catheter and urinary bag for the next 10 days whilst he recovers, before the urinary catheter and urinary bag can be disposed of.

I know the feeling as post spinal surgery, I was hooked up to a Pethidine dispensing machine that allowed me to press when I feel pain and release Pethidine to ease my pain. I was also hooked up with a urinary catheter and urinary bag. I was flat on my bed for 7 days before I was allowed to be up and about.

I begged for the opening in my neck for IV plug to be removed by day 3 as I was eating and not dizzy but was refused till day 5. Apparently I have baby veins and the veins collapsed once the IV drip went in. So Dr Anaes had to do one IV plug through use of my carotid vein. He shared that this was usually used for open heart surgeries and or other major heart surgeries as this vein was large.

I learnt humility as I laid on my back. I was beholden to the nurses for keeping me clean and made it point to be up by 4.30am so that the 2 out of 3 nurses in the night shift could be less burdened as they had to take care of 12 patients nightly. This way, they can sponge me and move on to do other things.

By day 7 I forced self to get up on commode and be wheeled to the toilet and it was super painful. I now know how people with disabilities or post operations feel.

I had to wear a diaper at night as getting 2 nurses to help me each time to get to the toilet would be a chore and it eased their workload. I did not like it, but I had no choice.

I also learnt to reflect on my life.

What does chasing the extra dollar means to me if I have no life or mobility to pick it up. My mum is wise and reminded me that without health, even if one million bucks dropped in front of me, I cannot even bend down to pick it up, much less lug it home to keep. But yes, I know that legally, I need to report it to the police station as finders is not keepers and yes, I could not even lug it to the police station!!

I am also thankful that I did not get married. Chances are with my myriad surgeries (32 as at 31 May 2022), no husband will still stand by me and live up to the oath of “in sickness and in health, till death do us part!” – I will be a forever burden to the chap!

But I am also open to the fact that I get lonely as I age. I will probably need to live in a nursing home in the future or in an assisted living facility and make new friends to co-exist with. I hope the nursing home quality and standard of living improves from now as what I have seen is quite dreadful here. The 5 star ones costs SGD15,000 for a single room and for that price, I might as well live in a 5 star serviced apartment. This cost excludes medical care, medicines and or laundry etc.

So, I will rot like an old crotchety woman, with a raggy Garfield in tow, watching CSI reruns or NCIS series or some other new police drama like Hudson and Rex.

I have given up on romantic love. After MR EX, I decided that love is not real and is superficial.

Even unconditional love becomes conditional. I started out being supportive of a housekeeper at Bates Motel. I gave her money for this or that when she moaned about her husband being unwell in Malaysia. It was small amounts of SGD10, then it increased to SGD50 which added up to a fair bit during my stay each time.

3 days ago, this housekeep forwarded me a text that the income tax department wanted her to pay SGD1,700+ for her income tax. I knew then, that Housekeeper wanted me to pay for this. I stood firm and turned her down as I too, had to earn my money and this is now getting to be sizeable amounts.

If I was Warren Buffet, I could pay for Housekeeper but Housekeeper lives in a landed property in Malaysia and has 2 adult sons. But I am not! I am a wage owner with my own expenses and family to care for.

Housekeeper is not entirely truthful and information comes in dribs and drabs and only after 10 years, I learnt that there were 2 sons instead of 1 son.

I learnt the lesson of “kindness being taken for weakness” too.

I do not know how I will end up in life and if I had a wish, I will not want to live long if there is no quality of life. I do not want anymore surgeries and want this 32nd surgery to be the mother of all surgeries and it ENDS!

I am not depressed or suicidal. I am practical.

Lil Red Dot is an expensive place to live in and it is quite impossible to retire and think savings will suffice. All it takes is a major catastrophic illness to wipe up hundreds of thousands of savings as insurers are now wising up to medical costs and may not approve all hospital and surgical claims.

If I need SGD2,500 to live a month, I will need SGD900,000 to survive me if I live till 90 years old. But this is unrealistic as with premium increments for medical insurances and cost of living, I will probably need SGD5,000 a month and I will need SGD1.8 million if I live till 90 years old.

I sincerely hope I can croak tomorrow. Easier as I will have funds to take care of self and Garfield (poor fella will then be stuffed into the niche with me).

Bummer!

Ta Da….Here’s Garfield…Garfields Galore

I had to re-wrap my Garfields as over time, the cellophane paper I use gets dusty and dirty.

This little tyke below was given to me by Duchess Of Yore on 30 September 12, which makes him 9 years old.

This identical replica was given to me by Chicken. When I sent her this photo she replied, “Teenager now…can look after me soon” – She is a hoot sometimes as it was in 1990s that she gave me this Garfield.

Below are re-wrapped Garfields that I can now display on my newly acquired steel cabinet. Mr Ability To Earn gave me the Garfield that is standing on left. The identical one on right but with a different tunic was from Mr Nice. Chicken’s Garfield is lying supine and the ones in the basket are from Duchess of Yore and MR EX.

This Garfield below is 27 years old and was a gift from my mum as I had lost my Garfield in Turkey back then. I love this one most as he sleeps with me and goes where I go…..Hong Kong, Macau, Zhuhai, GuangZhou, Hainan, Perth, Western Australia, Adelaide, Bates Motel, except ICU as my surgeon said only if he is “boiled” can he be with me!! Heavens no way!!

Garfields are rather extinct now….I hardly see him on sale. Maybe he is not a choice of toy by today’s young ones!

When It Gets Busier

This week has been chokeful of events. But today tops the list as I was made to pose for a journalist photographer.

I am not drop dead Barbie nor a gorgeous babe and I usually do badly at being photographed.

The journalist photographer was really sweet and kind, a veteran at a leading local newspaper. He spotted my love for Garfield and spent time trying to incorporate my inanimate furball Garfield into the photo of me, with Mousie by Garfield’s side.

I told the journalist photographer that I am sure the Editor will not pick a photo of me with my inanimate furballs and he laughed, looked at me and said he is the “boss” of photos.

Still I feel that it may not happen as they might want a serious pose of me. I was told to pose for a serious picture too.

Gee…now I know why models or film stars comment that they get tired from photo shoots! I spent 2 hours posing and doing stuff that journalist photographer told me to do.

“Look left”

“Look higher”

“Look right”

“Look lower”

“Look at my fist”

“I am going for a close up”

“Smile more and relax”

The camera was superb in that I do not hear shutter clicks and the stills I saw in his digital camera looked good. I was amazed at how long the telescopic lens was.

Amazing how technology has improved over the years to yield such high performing cameras!

I was told the publication was slated for this coming Monday, 28 Feb 2022!

Famous? Nah!

Drama Queen? I hope not!

Will it help the readers? I hope so!

It was a fun day, tired but fun as the Journalist Photographer indulged in my love for my inanimate furballs haha!

Life

The title of this post sounds so cliche! But hang on, I have lots to talk about life or rather, “write” on the topic of life.

I must state that I am no guru of any sort…hmm…maybe Guru of the Garfield kind. For sure, I am a guru of Garfields. Haha!

I am not a guru of life! I do not do yoga – darn poses with my bag of bones will only invite trouble I tell you.

I used to measure the road i.e. long walks and count steps which is why I call it, measuring the road. Think about it – it is exactly that although we have fitbits or apps to record them. Well, now I cannot do it. It started with surgeries on the foot to remove this or that bone – dem bones I call it! Haha!

Then I to have both hands massacred and fixed. Up till now, I have little feelings in my fingers! Sigh! dem nerves as Dr Bones says…I took too long to release the nerves and so, this is as good as it gets!

I am not up to walks just yet as I want to do brisk walks to remove the fat cells. But fat cells won and I need to wait till I am better.

Life – so what is it?

I was told by smart ones, that we are born to die! How ironically true isn’t it? Life has an expiration date.

Today, I received a total of 5 text messages from MR EX. I was caught up in a conference call and by the time I saw it, it was deleted and he attempted to call me but was blocked. His request was he “feels like jumping off a building and that I can read about it in the papers tomorrow”

Being a former friend, I told him to call SOS and speak to someone. I genuinely felt sorry for him as mental illness if what he says is true, is not to be trivialised. I replied him to say that if he really wants a listening ear, I am here for him to listen.

Next things I knew, he blatantly asked me for $10,000 being urgent loan.

I really salute this MR EX. A prominent business man, famous in the internet, social media and the list of who’s who and wants me to part SGD10,000 [USD7,430.37 or Euro6,551.06] to him? Just like that?

One word – NUTS!! For one, I do not have a printing press of dollars and I work hard for my money. I know he is an abyss when it comes to money!

If he is that poor (I honestly think he is scamming me), which I think he is not, I will pay for his food and essentials. But not for his glamourous generous donations to look good amongst the who’s who!

MR EX is scamming me and thought that since I “loved” him, I will be soft hearted to just transfer the money to him! Sheesh!

If I had it, I would spend it on myself isn’t it? Instead of scrimping and saving, paying for my medical bills and trying to build a nest egg for my retirement?

MR EX is not a good man! He tried. But failed as I see through his con man methods. He can find another Lady to be her lover and tap that person dry, I am not in the market, as I am a weird, mad Garfield hugging kinda lady with enough troubles to sort out.

My advice to MR EX, is to suck it up! Cut your coat according to your cloth and sort out your life. Get the funds from your legal Bimbo and children or relatives!

Sigh a bummer to remind me on this auspicious 22.02.2022 (Asian style of writing today’s date)

Almost Valentine’s Day – No Different Than Any Week Day To Me

Valentine’s Day is commercialisation at its best.

Roses and flowers skyrocket in price and instead of decks the halls with holly, we have deck the aisles with chockies!

I admit that I will love for any man to woo me with flowers or gifts of champagne or chockies or all 3 of these items. Which lady would not like it right?

But in reality I know the cost is astronomical when compared to normal days.

Aah well, I do not have a lover popping out of the hat anytime soon like the bunny rabbit that a magician pulls out of his top hat.

I can safely say that I have not been socialising much since the Covid Pandemic hit and am literally relishing in my own cocoon with my inanimate furballs.

Truth be told, I speak more to my panel of medical specialists than friends. I think the bulk of my friends are fair weathered ones. A few are stalwarts and truly friends who would care to look in on me or care about me to send me food or fruits as it is a challenge for me to be out and about lugging lots of groceries.

I had one specialist surgeon suggesting to meet up over coffee with another surgeon I call Electrician (the surgeon who repairs dem bones I call him LOL!).

Sigh! How will I ever meet a potential spouse or any potential spouse? It would be nice if there was a fairy tale ending of a surgeon who takes care of me, is single and we become mutually attracted to each other and live happily ever after. I roll my eyes as this will never happen!

I only meet weirdos or people who see me as a potential person to be tapped for network resources, business leads or assist in helping them land a deal. I do it out of kindness of my heart but realised how stoopid I am because once it is done, they disappear into the thin air, never to be heard of till the next usage of me comes about.

Sigh! I guess I will wish Garfield Happy Valentine’s Day and know that he will sit next to Mousie and stare back at me with his beady plastic eyes. Now, that is loyalty and unconditional love as an inanimate furball.

For those with live pets, they will enjoy their hugs, woofy licks and or kitty purrs!

Still, I will not be a sour puss and wish all those with partners, husbands and great guys they meet, a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance and may you find true love that will last till you each breathe your last breath. Now that, is romance till the end for life!

Love to all…..

So It’s Sunday! It Is Also the 6th day Of Chinese New Year Of The Tiger!

Sunday, it used to be my fun day,

Sleeping in & my lazy day!

No such luck, no snoozing in day,

As adult me, it is rise and shine at 6am day!

Drats! Being an adult has no fun days,

Just tiresome, worrisome days!

I miss being a kid, where my only worry was passing my exams and getting good grades.

As a teenager, I added on the worry of if my date would turn out right and if I would land a husband of choice!

As a young adult, I realised my knight in shining armour got lost and he and I will never meet. Instead, I was sent MR EX.

Life goes on.

My responsibilities are plentiful as the weight of many things fall unto my shoulders.

Stress, continued stress has taken a major toll on my body and it protested with many many surgeries and stay in the hospitals. The only thing not robbed is my sanity. There is a fine line between sanity and insanity I say!

I am what I think best described as “sanely insane” – I wrap self like a cocoon sometimes and seek solace in our orange stuffed fat cat, Garfield. Garfield the inanimate furball creations of Jim Davis has given me Garfield hugs and seen me through the worst of times.

In every sanity, therein lies some insanity!

I am verbose, can be caustic and a straight talker. I have no time for wishy washy forums or fake people.

I am either the world’s biggest bitch or world’s best friend – I always tell people to take their pick! LOL!

Life goes on…..the good, the bad and the ugly!