Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Obnoxious

I have one word to describe the behavior of my bro-in-law who showed up with Statues yesterday evening – OBNOXIOUS!

If I  had a choice, I would not have gone over to mum’s last evening but I needed to, as I had to clear their errands for the house.

On arrival I saw him and I politely greeted him. He ignored me and went to the kitchen window to face the outside.

He then stomped to the living room area and told my father that ” I do not wish to be in the same room as her”

My father, as usual, did not stand up for me.

The background to this was that I am the Fall Guy because, my asinine bro-in-law, assumes that his ideas for Ikea furnishing for the new house was lampooned out the window my me!

Gee! I was not even a party to that decision and my parents had no gumption to tell him in his face that Ikea is not suitable for Asian cooking style of a kitchen or spot lights.

Being old, they are imbued in Asian style living and wanted bright lights – not the western warm lighting style.

But because I obtained quotes from the 3 parties and my parents decided on one, whatever the designer suggested was based on the likes of my mum.

Kitchen is her domain. Lightings had to be practical and bright as they needed bright lights – for citizens in their late eighties, they cannot tolerate dim lights.

I installed grab bars for their safety. Bro-in-law never put self in their shoes and did not see it in their eyes as seniors who need certain aides for their movement.

Sigh! I felt really hurt and upset. I explained to Statue that whatever I do is in the role of minion. I act according to the instructions of my parents, tailoring to their needs. I cannot impose my likes or views as I respect their choices.

In front of Statue, we went through selection of the roller blinds. Mum insisted on a particular color and the curtain blinds vendor is now on a task of selecting a special mustard yellow that is Mum’s favorite color for her room.

With that, I explained to Statue and Nephew that it is really uncalled for and ruddy rude of her husband and nephew’s dad to behave that way to me.

One cannot impose what one likes to others! Respect the needs and wishes of seniors is my behavior.

I felt really horrid last night after that encounter with the OBNOXIOUS man.

Sometimes, I wonder why my father would never speak up for me…*face palms…I forgot, I am not his favorite daughter!

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So…Monday Begins…

Monday! Gee whiz and we are into day 8 of January 2018!

I had another medical scare last week and thankfully the doctor saw me immediately on Saturday, keeping his clinic open till then.

I thought I had cancer! He assured me that it was unlikely but I will need to do another test this Saturday to re-confirm it. For now, the tissue sample he has taken will await days to see if infection is apparent too.

I am tired. I wish I could really rest but I cannot as my parents house move is next week and I did openly tell mum that if the test proves to be cancerous, then I will need surgery but I will do so after I ensure that their move is done.

I have been going through their list of things and short of the physical move, all other paper work is duly completed, pending handover of the old flat on 20 February 2018 and transfer of season parking to the new block.

Life…and its lemons but what can I do but laugh right?

Next week will be even more stress for me as my ex siblings a.k.a “Statues” I call them will be in town. I firmly told dad to let his precious two preferred children to shut their trap and let me complete the move.

They have not offered assistance and I have had to seek help from my 3 friends to assist me with the operational move as singularly me alone, cannot be split into thirds! I cannot afford to have them aggravate my friends too who committed their annual leave day for my sake!

By appearing and the 2 statues think that they can be “supervisors” and point here and there, I told dad firmly, I will walk out of the move and I do not care if it was midway or otherwise. Dad has a habit of always playing the good guy and I am sick and tired of it as when push comes to shove, none of his 2 precious will roll up sleeves to get things done!

I cannot have contradicting instructions to the people on the ground as packing and unpacking has to be closely coordinated. It must move and end like clockwork.

I just need a break to regain sanity and will be so glad when January 15 2018 ends as it means I can breathe and slowly catch up on the bits and pieces of remaining aspects of the move.

The renovations have gone well and short of small amendments, the new unit is ready for occupancy.

I know that in reality I can only breathe better after February 13 2018 as other errands can close for mum and dad which also arrived on my plate.

Right now my plate has the main ingredients:

Appetizers

Closure of all utility accounts and incidentals relating to old unit and hooking up new unit

Main Course

Physical move of old unit items to new unit and handover of old unit.

Plus another major project to conclude.

Dessert

Transfer of season parking and having the roller blinds put in for new unit

God speed is all I can wish for self and to ensure I do not keel over and die anytime soon. Though it will make me very happy to depart from this earthly realm! LOL! Let freedom fly then……far from the maddening crowd of moronic blood siblings and a father that never appreciates me, despite whatever I do to help, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!

 

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Solutions Not Easily Found – Part 3

I too have my own trials.

Dad’s memory is worsening and mum called, crying over the phone that they both tried finding their way to my home but got lost for 5 hours before going home at 10pm.

Mum was worried about me and had wanted to pop by with food for me.

She was sad because her useless eldest daughter made her visit to her as an enroute to their holiday destination.

I knew that! I told mum not to be upset as sis does not care. In her mind the 2 old folks is in the way of her to get her hands on her due inheritance.

What sickens me is that if anyone wants inheitance, shouldn’t one put in the time to care for the seniors before encoffing them? Oops! They both made it clear they were not chipping in to pay for any funeral. Sigh! 

I have no answers for mum.

I knew from a long time back that her eldest daughter and youngest son did not care about them.

It was about money. 

If and when they croak, useless bro and Lizard can buy 3 properties in HK and live like lords.

Meanwhile useless sis will add to her stable of properties in NZ ensuring that her only son need not ever have to work a day in his adult life as he will have a huge amount of inheritances from his mum, my “wonderful” ex sister!

Don’t you just agree with me that there are no solutions to life’s lemons.

I often ask self where is the parity…for one who spends time and money to get equal share versus 2 others to do nothing to get equal shares?

I put forth this question to both my useless siblings, citing filial piety asking them each if they felt ashamed getting something out of doing nothing for their parents well being?

And so this is how the fight started…I am Jimminy Cricket and they want me to expire so that 50% each is better!

I am an obstacle and boy do I intend to be their boulder on their conscience.

But I doubt they have a conscience…sigh!

All I can do is look up at ths skies and wonder how will their lives end in the future?

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Solutions Not Easily Found – Part 1 

I have not been catching up with Bird 🐥and Chicken🐔of late as we have all been busy.

So when I could since I was resting at home, I was deeply saddened.

Chicken as always keeps a positive outlook sharing that her Mum in law aged 85 years is contemplating brain surgery as her “screws” were loose.

She shared that the CEO of in laws *her bro in law* called for an AGM of all shareholders i.e. all children and their spouses.

“It was a match fixer as there was no democracy” she texted. CEO put down his foot and said MIL is opting for operation. All will pay equal shares for hospital bill!

Without surgery MIL will have 2 to 3 years of life left!

Gee! At age 85 years MIL desperately wants to live on and on till 150 years old whereas I was ready to cash in all my chips!

I offered to Chicken that her MIL can have whatever years left of my life for her use. I do not need to live on and on as I don’t wish to. Life is literally a pain to me.

Chicken then shared that her MIL then went to obtain an oracle from the Goddess of Mercy.

She texted a laughing emoji and said that the oracle advised her against going for operation as she would die immediately. This means that surgery will see her die on the table.

I loved Chicken’s outlook of life. To me she has found zen. 

Nothing bothers her as life is factual.

Our texting ended as she reached her train station and said that she will be going for a brisk walk as her work day ended earlier.

I miss Chicken! 

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Me, Myself & I

I needed “me” time to chillax and think of how to tackle 2018.

Day 5 of meds…6 more days to go.

I was sapped of life in 2017 as it was effectively a horrid year for me. But let’s face it, I have not had a good Christmas in so long as I could remember!

Come to think of it, it has been a long time that I have ever been carefree, thinking of me, myself and I.

For me, life has always had consequences. I cannot do this without affecting this or that.

Overthinking? Possibly but in reality, there is no one else who can help.

World War 3 erupted between Mr EX and I. I have come to the point that the following words describe him; egotistical, self centred, conniving and with seeking out fame and fortune topping the list.

There is no conscience as to who gets trampled along the way, so long as he grabs that chunk of cash.

I have never met anyone who uses people as a means to an end…till I met MR EX.

I always wished he would change and show his humane side sans the evil or conniving characteristics.

Good news is that effectively the anti friendship “nuclear warhead” I fired has effectively decommissioned any remnants of trust or faith in MR EX as a person of trust.

As I reflect on the last days of 2017, I recognise false friends, true friends and acquaintances we bump along the way.

The whats, ifs or buts of my life have no answers.

I wish I can do more in life. To be able to be away doing missionary work to educate the rural poor as I cannot use my brute strength to build houses or dig wells.

Mr Neuro reminded me against carrying heavy things as my spine is not in a good place. 

I am thankful for mobility. 

For each pill I pop to make me better, I guess I should not complain.

Others may not even have pills to pop!

I am single…but I prefer the status below.

It is Christmas Day folks…I am not going anywhere as I want to do things at home even if it means a simple instant cup of ramen, doing crosswords or vegetating on my marble floor watching Hallmark movies on Christmas!

Sadly no potato chips or crisps…not even popcorn!

Enjoy your Christmas the way you want it to be!

Happy holidays!

P.s. My parents have not called to see if I am alive as my evil sister is in town. Aah well, with or without family, it makes no difference to me as I have been “familyless” for as long as I can remember and am only remembered if something crops up when no one knows how to resolve or solve or I need to be the chauffeur of the day.

Regardless, I hope that sister is doing her part to fulfil her duties as filial daughter whilst staying with parents.

The only positive thing out of this is that I can switch off and sleep soundly for me, myself and I time haha!

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Thoughts On Christmas Eve

 

As Christmas draws near, I need not be jostling in a club or pub in town, just to get that swig of brew or wine.

I have in honest truth, outgrown all that!

Gone are the days that I will be out partying till the wee hours of the morning just to do countdowns! I no longer see meaning in all that hullaballoo!

Maybe I am a party pooper or have grown old! Aaargh!

These days, like tonight, I like to quietly spend time with my inanimate furball Garfield and reflect on Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future!

I cannot be with my parents as my sister has spirited in to stay with them, whilst in transit to their holiday destination.

I prefer to stay away to avoid fights, spats or ugly words. I do not belong to that “family” – I might as well have grown up with wolves or apes…at least I know the meaning of unconditional love of the animal kingdom. Aah well it is the jungle law of survival 😉

My eldest sister is not a kind person. She is terribly stingy too and if I know her well enough, she will not be generous in any gifts. 

If anything I remembered from the past, I was Ms Wallet and Ms Financier. I paid for everything and only then I get a small acknowledgement of sorts, no ugly words. I paid for peace and I paid for a morsel of so called ‘sisterly’ love.

I feel like Scrooge, reflecting on Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future.

My Christmas Past has been eventful as every year on year till 2015, I spent Christmas in Bates Motel. 

This year, I stayed in Bates Motel shorter than usual. 17 December and checked out on 21 December 2017! All paws crossed and eyes too, I made it out alive!

I hope 2018 lets me have lesser challenges.

Christmas Past is not worth remembering as I remember nothing much, thanks to anesthesia!

The only memorable Christmas Past was when my late Host Dad brought me a 5ft Douglas fir tree (*it was actually the top of a giant fir tree that was struck by lightning) for my apartment during my first Christmas in Eugene, Oregon. It was a fun Christmas as I remember celebrating with Judy Hirotaka, Ron Ripple and friends.

Another Christmas Past worth remembering was when I returned from Hong Kong, heavily laden with bronchitis and seeing my pet Dobermann one last time before she reported to the heavenly realm. I was too ill to keep vigil with her and to wake up to find her rigor mortis body made my heart break into smithereens! I swore I will never have an animate pet ever as parting is such sweet sorrow!

I remembered also MR EX taking me for Christmas lunch and then disappearing, re-appearing like Houdini. Yes, I do remember him as we were a coupling back then. 

He is around like a fly still but largely ignored. He’ll need to find another “steak” to hover over. I just smacked him hard on internet on 21 December as he is worst than scum on the pond. He is anything but a kind soul. Creep!

Christmas Present no longer exists for me as I do not believe in Christmas now. 

To me, it is just a holiday season of snow, Christmassy songs and nothing more. Or in lil red dot…humidity heat and rain…snowless!

Christmas 2017 is spent planning for the relocation of my parents’ home to another location in lil red dot.

Christmas Future…I am not psychic and will not even postulate what or how this might be?!

In fact, I hardly know of a time when I am happy at Christmas as each Christmas it is never about me but others. I have not once, selfishly kept Christmas for self unless I am confined in a hospital bed.

Maybe I am Scrooge and that the nearest thing to Christmas cheer for me is to get on YouTube and watch Hallmark mystery and movies of how love is found at Christmas, or a Christmas miracle or a feel good movie!

Bah humbug…don’t let me spoil your Christmas as I reflect on my life!

 

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Meaning Of Life? – It Eludes Me

The Sunday Times, our local papers, carried a special 2 page spread on N.O.D.A – meaning “No One Dies Alone.” It made me felt morose and sad.

It covered the journey to death by a 53 year old loner who was dying of esophageal cancer. He was in his last week of life and sent to St Assisi Hospice. He has a sister and an estranged brother whom he has not seen in a long while.

The volunteers set up a roster of 2 hours each to do a bedside vigil for this man. One even felt it was apt to play from her mobile phone, a sutra chant as it helped soothed him as he breathed his last. Though the volunteer was not a Buddhist, she felt the calm too.

Dying is never easy. It is a somber, personal and silent act.

I spent Sunday clearing my credenza that contained this and that. I ended up throwing away 5 plastic bags, filled with useless things that I thought I would use, but never did. I tore up 8 albums of my own photos. Not much use, as only I, remembered myself.

I do not see anyone else remembering me and what is the purpose of keeping them. I came across some photos of my nephew when was just 2 years old. He is now working.

I saw a photo of my sister, bro in law and my brother. No use keeping this as I am nothing to them.

Reading the newspaper article reminded me of those I love and those that will die as they are not immortals. I know I will be hard hit when it is time for mum to report to the heavenly realm.

She is still feisty and a go getter. I am like her. I speak my mind when I find things being done unfairly or not right. I tend to speak up for those who should not get what they deserve.

But I am reminded that this trait bodes hatred. I do that to my siblings as I often remind them (in the past till 2016) of when it was time for them to wish their parents’ a happy birthday or special occasions.

I am the one to let them know whenever any parent of theirs is feeling unwell till I was chided by my sister that I should call only when anyone is dead!

Such cold and callous behavior!

Perhaps I have become selfish. I stopped caring for people lately. It made no sense.

I invested heavily in trying to care for people and often times, I get snide remarks or am forgotten like yesterday’s newspapers. At least yesterday’s newspapers can be recycled to the rag and bone man for $1 to $2 a month.

What am I? Nothing really!

I see self as one of those dying alone. Hmm..maybe with NODA program, I will probably have a rostered group of volunteers sitting by my bedside keeping watch over me, whilst I breathe my last breath.

Sadly, I am reminded that I am a mortal.

A mortal with a conscience and who deeply cared about people surrounding her.

I realise that life is not always pleasant.

But that is life!

 

 

 

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My Saturday Issue

I felt so smart saving $0.60 per Super Glue tube. I bought 2 tubes. I paid $2.40 for 2 tubes.

Had I bought it last Friday evening at the shop nearest home, it was $1.80 per tube or $3.60 for 2 tubes.

As I tore away the packaging to fit my tiny cupboard space, I wondered why the orange long snout like nozzle was not screwed on.

Not being very smart, I screwed it only but only to realize sticky glue on my fingers.

I droped the tube like a hot potato but too late the glue on my fingers set almost instantly and my left index finger and thumb were glued together at a point.

I tried separating them instantly but the skin tugged and short of ripping off my skin, it remained very glued together.

Trusty google advised me to soak in warm soapy water. I did that.

It did not work.

Google said use acetone nail polish remover. I did that. I poured it over the glued area. 

It did not work.

Google said to use lemon juice. Thankfully I have a bottle I keep in fridge for drinks. I like drinking lime juice with ice water.

It did not work.

I used paint solvent. I sploshed a whole bottle. 

It did not work.

Sadly, I tried to dress decently…hard with a paw which had 2 fingers stuck together!

I then drove off to Bates Motel to see the A&E doctor there. I felt the fingers needed to be surgically interferred to enable separation.

Sigh!

My Saturday got worst. I had to be up at 6am to get to Dad at 7.30am so that we could gate crashed a clinic without appointment as he had not collected his meds nor taken them for days.

His mental health is worsening and I was glad to discover that he was not taking his meds clockwork instead of him suffering a stroke as he failed to take 3 types of blood pressure pills.

Clinic said meds were collected but yet these were not in the house. I suspected he took the meds but left it at the food court.

So after all that hullabaloo and a shouting match with dad (*he claims that I am not helping him and that as far as he knows I do not do anything to help him) – The lid blew off my top. 

My father has always been the only parent that hates me. So despite anything and everything that I can do for him, including and not limited to kiling self, he would never appreciate me.

He threatened to jump off a building. I told him, frankly I wish he would. His other 2 children whom he treasures to ends of earth have disowned him as well as ignored him. 

Yet, like vultures they are circling to collect inheritance when he keels over.

I digress….in short I had a shitty Saturday morning starting at 6am.

I arrived at A&E. But before I arrived at A&E I berated God and all deities for giving me bucket loads of shit!

Honestly I cursed the Catholic God as being a devout Catholic once before I could not understand why my life is made so difficult.

Weekdays I get up early to get to work and evenings to run my father’s and mother’s errands.

Weekends, I have to sort out my own stuff plus whatever adhoc issues for parents.

I do not have the luxury to sleep in, surviving on less than 7 hours sleep a night.

So when my dad accused me of “not doing anything” for him in that sarcastic tone, I snapped.

At A&E…I greeted my regular nurses and said my fingers were glued together and I need help to separate them.

As I showed them the glued fingers…voila it separated.

I wonder if Google advice did work or was it the cursing at Catholic God that caused wifi bluetooth connectivity to that hoity toity GOD that led to a miracle?🤣

I prefer to think Google advice worked.

🍋🍋🍋🍋Lemon juice helped.

I am tired. Doing my best for an unreasonable father who is losing his mind is making my burden very heavy and the yoke on my shoulders hurt.

I am due to be admitted to hospital or Bates Motel but because none of my parents’ other children bothers to help citing living overseas….not their problem to handle, I cannot seek treatment till I complete their house move.

My life sucks. Even if I want to die, I must finish my tasks for my parents before I can die.

So much for the Catholic phrase…go in the peace of Christ! Hogwash!😂

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Neophyte – One Word Prompt

I am a neophyte to life. Why?

Life has always been a challenge for me. 

I have to battle illnesses, family, ruthless bosses and people I thought were “friends” or silly morons.

I have always believed in helping people unconditionally. My mum taught me to be compassionate, have empathy and always do good in life. I was once God fearing but I threw God out the window as there is no such thing as a God, at least not to me.

I know those pious will shriek at me. 

Hold your horses. 

I explain.

I was once pious. I went to church daily, prayed daily and realised as more awful things came my way that only I held the solution to my issues. Prayers are to comfort those and offer solace. The solution lies in oneself.

I have come to hate God. Why? Cos God created all the life issues I face. He will not let up and enjoy punishing me for God knows what I did?!

My life thus far has been giving “friends” and family priority. Still God punishes me.

I never put self first. Yet God punishes me.

I do not know how to put self first because it is never in my nature to do so.

Life is a mystery to me.

I believe in good work ethics. I never skive and always delivered class A work. I hardly go for my entitled lunch breaks and work through. I clock as many as 14 to 16 hours of work a day.

My end result is my health suffered. But I believe more so from the hurt and pressures of my awful family.

My sister who is the eldest only believed in putting self first. There is no room in her heart for her parents.

The same applies to my brother who is hen pecked by his Hong Kong common law wife. He cannot visit Singapore if that Lizard denies him of an exit visa from Ministry of Home.

I am tired of life and if I had a choice, I would opt for an exit. I often wondered why I survived each surgery.

It would be so great if I croaked.

I then can bow out of life happily.

Life is a complexity to me.

Goodness and kindness do not beget goodness and kindness. It is a fallacy!

I plod on in life. 

Each step is a heavy one. 

As a neophyte in life, all I can say is – it is tough, challenging and not usually rewarding nor filled with love automatically.

I do not wish my life example on anyone. 

It is too painful and horrid. 😭😢😢😢

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A Difficult Saturday

My was hospitalised for 2 days and no one informed me till I found out from a stranger.

Off I dashed to the hospital without breakfast as I was worried. 

Reached admissions only to discover she was discharged last evening. Off I dashed to her home.

My ex brother was in town and when he is in town, me the pariah or declared insane by my ex siblings (*this is why I ex communicate them as they bring me nothing but grief literally) have to stay away.

So when he visited for a week ending today, mum was hospitalised. He chose not to inform me. But neither is he going to extend his stay to take care of mum and so, I end up picking the pieces as usual as he merrily packed his bags and left for Hong Kong today at 12.30pm.

In recognising that the 2 elderly needed a family resolve, I asked him if he wanted to patch up the feud. He said NO and said I was mad.

I am done trying. 

I am done pretending that my father is a good man. 

He dotes on his son and other daughter. Whatever I do for him is and will never be appreciated. I do it for posterity.

The move to the new apartment unit of theirs will take place and both my ex siblings will not offer assistance. So be it! Nothing new to me.

Like I told mum, even if I wanted to die, I have to die at their behest not mine as things must be done before I can be sick or die.

Thankfully, I have asked S Man, Chicken and Mr Boy for help. All have indicated availability and I am eternally grateful. 

With a demented or lazy father, take your pick as the geriatrician told my dad off that he is not making any attempts to keep self engaged as all he wants to do is eat and sleep.

I must feed him at his precise timings. Just like changing of guards at Buckingham Palace, feeding him is precise. He is febrile and sups only the best.

So, I have me, myself and I to survive the next 1.5 months.

I am mentally sure now that my decision to ex-communicate with my siblings is a right one.

In their eyes, I am an obstacle to their family inheritance and hence to brandish me as mentally insane or mad is a good one.

I curse God for giving me this awful family. I never belonged, no matter how hard I give my all, financials and time. To this date, I am saddled with a bad investment made by my father. His 2 favorites disappeared and I bailed him out of it. None of my siblings offered to help me pay a substantial sum every month.

Ex bro said I was unreasonable. Why? Because I ask for communication. If there was no communication for follow up on my parents welfare, they suffer not me as I have to waste time hunting down the doctor to get updates. Time wasted which could have helped me understand meds and what to give or do.

I am mentally drained and physically tired. 

Still, I must plod on as the “holiday makers” flits in and out at their own convenience and will not be around for matters that need resolve.

Well, this is the state of affairs that my father has created. By creating a faction, by example since young he sets the tone to his 2 favorites that he detests me.

So if the father says so, they follow suit.

I truly hate my family. I wish I did not have to carry all the burden and when the time comes, to bury the father who hates me as no one else would. But ohhh when it is time to read the will, for sure the 2 will be punctual and eagerly awaiting if I was excluded.

Will they pay for funeral?

Of course not.

With a family like mine, I might as well be adopted by a pauper. At least the pauper will be grateful for a caring home or daughter.

For families out there, please treat all your children equally. There should be no favorites and do not evict any child at a young age as it is traumatising.

I know, because I was one such kid. I know what it is like to be hungry and work 3 jobs to build my own life.

Still, I am there for a father who now has no one by his side and yet he sees no wisdom.

Yes, it has been a difficult Saturday and I am sorry to share this bitter truth of my life.

I have never lived for myself literally. Sigh!

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋lemony stuff!

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