Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Judgemental As Loyalty To Owner Only

Dogs are fiercely protective of the owner.

I know as my dogs were.

They were ferocious guard dogs and other than the occupants of the house of the owner, they were judgemental in that no one else is a person they like.

Dogs are precious and after losing my last dog to heart worms, I swore never to own another live dog.

Hence Garfield my inanimate furball came about. Garfield lives on and on, just shabby from over hugging!

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Fragility Of Life – A Dedicated Prayer

How Odie and Garfield send selfies to each other. I love the unique love they have for each other. Garfield shows tough love whereas Odie is his old slobbering and innocent naive self in showing Garfield unconditional love.

Life at any age is fragile and precious to loved ones..

Regardless of human form or animal form, a life is a life and when they pass, it hurts.

I know, I lost my pet dobermann, Gretchen, in 1989 whilst I was working in the land of the Fragrant Harbor.

I remember returning to lil red dot at past midnight, seeing her blind and crippled from heart worm disease but wagging her bob tail on hearing my voice. I spent 10 minutes stroking her head and telling her I was home.

The next morning, I found her body in rigor mortis. She must have passed after I spoke to her and retired to bed as I was unwell, with bronchitis.

Mr Kind texted me last evening to share that his father (90 years old +) woke up from bed, fell and had a stroke. He did not tell me anything about it till 48 hours later, when his dad was stabilised.

He continued to send me daily memes for those 2 days and acted as if nothing was wrong.

I felt bad as during that last Thursday, I was still talking shop to him and he did not cut me off on text. His kind demeanour continued to let me ramble on.

I apologised for my insensitivity as I could have been more reserved in chatty chats given his mind on his father, overcoming the sudden stroke.

When one is at such an old age, do we celebrate life or mourn death?

I too have aged parents and often wondered – my conundrum, celebrate their lives or mourn their deaths?

I took my mum and dad for our usual weekly dinner.

I felt bad that I am unable to do more often on account of work as well as my swollen foot.

Getting up at 4am or 5am. Being at the office at 6am so as to go home by 6pm and get ready for the rigorous cycle the next day is my norm.

Each time I take mum and dad out, I am only able to put head to pillow by 12.30am and this takes a huge toll on my spine as I get tired out.

So when mum started her whining on her “bad life thus far” I lashed out at her.

She has no debts. She has money compared to the homeless. She can afford to eat whatever she chooses and declines whatever she did not like eating. There is no banker waiting to repossess her home due to unpaid mortgages is another example of how lucky she to be financially able.

Basic needs are there for her and she is fairly well for a woman of her age.

I reasoned with her. The homeless have no choice in lodging or food choices.

Since young, I have had orthopaedic issues with my spine and am living in much pain on a daily basis.

When she moaned about no one helping her, I rebutted. It is her choice not to have a live in helper. It is not the case where she cannot afford one, but a mindful choice of not wanting one.

As to why none of her other children bother to care about her, I ticked her off too. She did not wish to speak up and I have been the bad guy, going after my 2 other siblings to remember their parents.

My parents continuously make excuses for the other 2 urchins to console self that they are busy, live overseas (out of sight, out of mind philosophy) and have their own lives. Thank God, I am not a mother as I will never kotow to this mentality. Filial piety must be guided and taught.

Perhaps on knowing my 2 siblings, I felt that children should not be born as they will only grow up selfish and unappreciative of parents.

None of my other 2 siblings were victims of financial budgets. Only this black sheep was. But I feel it is to my advantage as it taught me hardship and the ability to work hard for my own money.

Alas, I am the one that is direct and obtuse.

When each of them wanted to live in a land other than Singapore, she did not object.

When I fell in love with my economics graduate teaching fellow (he is 12 years my senior) in the university it was either I relocated to USA or he moved in Singapore.

He tried to get a job in Singapore but was unable to do so back then.

I had to let him go as I was the only idiot left in Singapore and if I flew the coop, what would become of the 2 elderlies?

My brother nor sister batted an eyelid to up and go, leaving their parents behind.

They could not be bothered with their parents and till this date, also do not care. The only thing that ties them to my parents is the windfall they will get once they both keel over.

Such is life, rightly or wrongly.

So when I heard from Mr Kind of his family supporting the incident in the family, I felt the loss of warmth in my own family. It made me reflect on my own community of “family” and it made me very sad.

I was sad as it reminded me of how I would struggle on my own to ensure my parents are well to be discharged from hospital when they fell ill. I had no family support. I had to ensure my dad was safe, trudge off to work and report at the hospital nightly or catch doctor’s ward rounds between 7am to 8am.

The last critical heart condition of my mum, required me to blast the 2 urchins to return else they regret not saying goodbye to mum if she did pass.

Life is fragile.

I want to celebrate the life of my parents and not mourn their deaths when the time comes. It is easier said than done but what else can I do?

Mr Kind was right to revoke his father’s driving rights back then as it would have been worst if an accident occured from a stroke.

Meanwhile, I pray hard for Mr Kind’s father to recover from the stroke with minimal impediment to motor skills else it will be frustrating for his feisty and full of life father who likes independence.

May the deities above, bless and guide Mr Kind and his family to overcome the health issues faced by his father and sister. Grant them both good quality of life and the tenacity to overcome.

May all families stay safe during this covid 19 pandemic.

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Mortality – Fear It Or Choose To Embrace It?

This post is written for someone I know who seems to be afraid of the thought of those dying before him and thereby reminding him of his own mortality and days left!


Words like, “my dentist is my good friend and is dead and he is younger than me!” made me see how terrified he was of facing death.

I am not holy in any way nor am I a person with capabilities to spout the bible. But as a lay person, my words to him would be “that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh.”

If a person has served his or her dues on earth, then his or her dues are done and the person leaves the earthly realm. This is my simplistic way of looking at life and suffering.

I have gone through a lot in life. Horrible bosses of the Ogre kind, the love of my life showing me that I was not worth 5 cents in his life and unending surgical procedures – what did all these taught me?

I could wallow in self pity and lose self in the commonly and erroneously used term of “depression”

Nope, I fought tooth and nail.

I was recently reminded by Technician that in some way, God stood with me for this fight. He put these obstacles there and must have a reason for it all to happen to me, but offered solutions.

So there goes, my beating of breasts and crying “Why me O’Lord?” – Out the window!

Each surgery I underwent, took a toll on my body yet, each surgery left me without major disability. I have a brain that functions, legs that walk (although in pain sometimes) and hands that move (did I mention my scapular hurts) – others do not have this luxury!

My doctors may be financially paid to heal me but each of them have become my good friends that truly care for me when I am ill in hospital or require surgery.

Yes, I could be a transaction; a financial transaction at best and I respect the lines.

But for Doctor James to offer me masks when I had none is another touching point of caring. 

He need not do it but he did out of the compassion of his kind and giving heart.

There is also Technician who cares enough to help me understand all my pain and suffering and explaining to me trials and tribulations of life when he could be earning bigger bucks slicing and dicing another patient.

In life I have given to people and not looked back. Giving need not be a monetary act but an act that translates in giving the person in need of whatever, a solution (interim or otherwise).

Being human, I often angst over those I feel I have given but not bothered to acknowledge my existence or abused my love and trust. I learnt that in giving, it must be unconditional.

I feel I am alive, despite all my issues, that I still have undone work left on the earthly realm.

I believe that once I have delivered all that is expected of me, I will leave.

Hence my philosophy and way of life is to live each day like my last. Do no harm to anyone.

As for the love of my life, I will browbeat this person to recognize that what he did to me was wrong.

I am someone’s daughter and sister.

I hope he realizes that his future generation could face the karmic deeds of his and may suffer the same way as he made me suffer.

But I know I will never get to hear his words of remorse which exudes sincerity in any form as he firmly believes he has done no wrong. To him, I am expendable and of use, that is all!

So, I will let karma resolve that. Past life I may have owed him, so this life, I have repaid my debts in full.

Meanwhile death is nothing to be feared.

It has to come – some sooner than later. Others before even life can begin as they are still borned, no chance to even give a shrill cry of life!

As for “good friend” – I will take it with a pinch of salt for the words “good friend” used by the person who feared death and prompted me to write this post.

“Good friend” to the person who feared death is used loosely. He feels he will die a death that is surrounded by thousands of his “good friends” – illusion or reality, we will never know till it happens.

I am less enthusiastic, I will die and if I am lucky, surrounded by Garfield and hopefully 1 or 2 “good friends”.

So my words to the person fearing death is “Stop whining! Man up!”

Let’s please not use the words, “I am in depression” loosely as it makes the real ailment of depression a joke!

Depression when diagnosed is a serious disease and the right support and treatment is required.

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So Valentine’s Day Is Over…

So Valentine’s Day is over.

I have little to say.

Neither did an expensive meal for self did I pay.

Nope, Garfield did not roll in the hay.

He sat quietly on my bed with his plastic beady eyes, looking happy and gay.

Garfield is nice, he just stays where he lays.

I hope you lovely people had a lovely Valentine’s Day!

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Bates Motel – Day #10 Passages Of Time

“A winding landscaped path…
All too perfect in an imperfect world…
And I wonder why the wild chooks and cockerel cross the road!”

Life is a passage of time, I feel.

As I lay in hospital, I hear of the health care cleaner’s sorrow of losing her 88 year old mum in law (MIL)

She had nothing but good things to share of the elderly relative citing how she came to her dream that early morning saying this is her “last day” with her.

Her MIL passed away that very day.

A far cry from Ms Selfish who does not appreciate her MIL for helping her mind her 2 year old but would hail curses and unnice words. A stark difference between 2 persons and how each sees to value loved ones.

I was just told by MR EX that he is in USA to “walk the last journey” of his “adopted mum” – it is not as if I cared because he is not a good man. He never was.

MR EX’s motives were always clear to maximize utility of one’s stature to get ahead. He gets headwinds by being calculated.

He carefully chose to align with this American lady to stand and gain a foothold in a mega billion industry of hoopla and motivational hoo ha.

Also he silently wished to gain a portion of her wealth bequeathed to him once she passed. She is in her 90s and he waited most patiently for his reward. So he is doing bedside vigil. I must admire his ardent desire to get ahead.

From what I heard, MR EX desperately needs SGD 3 million to retire.

It is a shame to be nice to people to get financial gains or stay ahead of the pack.

I am caustic.

I am cynical and I would not hesitate to tick off people who appear false to me.

I tolerated MR EX in hoping he realises how nasty he was to people and stop pretending to be kind, generous, setting up charities etc when he can ill afford.

I fell victim to his words and was sane to guard what little dollars I had as he asks for millions at a time, as if it was roubles or Monopoly monies.

It is the glamor and fame he thrives which is his downfall.

On one hand he laments his poverty and on the other hand he is wining and dining in Marina Bay Sands looking at taking banned substances to look “slim and handsome” He is a cad and a con man. I now know.

Passages of time has taught me disease, health issues and discern amongst those who need help, compassion and kindness versus those like MR EX and Ms Selfish for being genuinely selfish, self centred to the point of saying wicked things.

Only Lucifer can salvage the soul of MR EX as he will never know kindness, sincerity or true love as he loves and worships money too much and his ego precedes him.

I end with a quad stick as I will age. I am aging before my time and have used walkers, frames etc
What I will never forget is the love, care and concern of blogger Piglet who is really generous in time and money to think about me always.
It takes a village to care for others. I am blessed to have that one villager, Piglet, who cares for me.

Though my own sister is in Singapore, she will not attempt any effort to visit me in hospital. Unlike my brother who will.

I guess she is not one of those who will take public transport to visit me and is against Grab or Gojek (ride sharing app)

It takes the different traits of siblings to make a family.

I never had familial love and am used to it.

Love comes from within and though I looked for it through MR EX, I realised it wasn’t the case. Better late than never and I feel sometimes that if I could slap him across his face for all the lies he spun, I will feel better releasing all the hatred I have of him. But he is unworthy of soiling my hands and will let karma deal with him over time.

I am glad I removed self from his clutches else I will be saddled with his forever debt and philandering ways.

I lived.

I learned.

Such is my passage of time.

I am tired of being strong.

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Bates Motel #3 – Preparing For Surgery #2 During This Stay

I am doing better than expected.

I am ever so grateful to (1) Dr Boey Wah Keong, my anaesthesiologist, my orthopaedic “technician” (2) Dr Lim Yi-Jia of Ortholimb Bone and Joint Surgery and (3) Dr Lui Hock Foong my gastro doctor. It makes a huge difference when I have surgeons who care and not out to choke us for every penny we have.

I am largely alive because of their dedicated care.

Tomorrow I need to do an MRI to assess my foot and how much of a damage is there.

It means going back to the operating theatre and being sliced again.

Thanks to the creativity of Nurse Marites, she put crushed ice into this rubber glove to use as an ice pack over my swollen shoulder. Slipped into a paper matting sleeve, it sits on my freshly operated shoulder.

I must get a photo of him as he looks nothing like a surgeon but a rock climber and rocker. Awesome in humor and keeps me going to face the health issues that face me.

I have to remember this!

My mum in another hospital is stable and doing well. I am relieved as my worry was with her. If I do not fix my limbs, I cannot help her.

I think my rocker surgeon would dare to wear this T shirt haha!

I am sad about aging parents. I saw how Dr Boey reacted to losonv his mum recently and how Dr Lui lost his dad in the middle of this year.

They were calm accepting their death due to aging. I believe their professional training has helped them.

Don t we all wish for gold coins and nof chocolate ones in gold foil haha!

I too must let go when if is time and hope to celebrate their life instead of mourning their deaths when the time comes.

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Solitude & Friendships

I had the support of my blog friends during this difficult last 3 weeks. For that, I am grateful for your kind wishes and prayers.

I was running on full adrenalin ignoring all physical pain of my body till I froze whilst crossing the road to my mum’s hospital.

My legs went into full rigor mortis as I called it and thankfully there were no cars. Else I could have been flatter than a pancake.

I hurt so bad from my spine that I could not move.

Tiredness knew no bounds as I gritted my teeth to carry on. My mum needed me.

Finally I managed to convince my siblings to come down and look in on mum and help me with dad.

Bro did come rather quickly but my sis took a while as she is a hard one to convince for help when needed. She is westernised in her thinking and she feels that living in Kiwiland need not require her to care for her parents.

I may be western in thinking but I believe in filial piety. I could not let my parents down as they have no one.

I was also worried at work as Ms Feisty had to work alone as Ms Selfish broke her 5th toe and decided to take her maximum hospital leave and refused to do a handover.

It was Christmas and with coming New Year’s and her house move she just wanted to switch off.

She could wear a boot and return to work but when I pleaded with her she was rude and aggressive and refused to help. What hurt me most was her lack of empathy or compassion that my mum was at death’s door.

She snapped back implying her mum died when she was 19 years old so what’s the big deal.

LOL…Easier to snip off!

She used to curse her mum in law when at work and shared how her classmate became enemies with her after her own wedding.

I now realise that Ms Selfish has a long road ahead of her to learn empathy, compassion and kindness. She is not a kind person and would report to work late and take long lunches. As her boss I accommodated these as she has a young toddler and I felt she needed support.

Life is funny sometimes. I relish in humor to drag away my lemony experiences. Laughter keeps me sane and gives me strength.

Some take a one way street and feels the world owes them a living.

I never felt the world owes me a living. I work hard and bear consequences of ill health all the time. I questioned God and dug deep to find answers.

I found none. I am non the wiser but realised that the world has the good, the bad and the ugly.

I take it in stride and will learn life’s lessons as I plod on.

Life goes on…lemons and all.

I am preparing for my 2nd surgery in couple of weeks on my leg. From my last 5th toe fracture and now the bone on my foot plate has loosened and needs to be removed and ligament realigned.

My orthopaedic surgeon calls self my technician. He dresses in attire that like a construction worker, no airs and no frills. Just a straight talker. I like it!

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Funny Thing About Love & Marriage

Many would disagree and tell me it is better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all! Hmm…

I am not a love expert.

I have dated a few men and stayed longest in a relationship with “boyfriend” MR EX as “girlfriend”.

I never took the plunge as I had a different but practical view of marriage.

Marriage is more than lovey dovey sayings I feel.

The romance, the wooing is fun and exciting but to me, it does not last.

The practical aspects of marriage are real.

One marries not just a spouse but the entire village.

There are in laws or I call this category as out laws.

Then comes children, work life, outlaws, getting to know your spouse etc….stressors add burden to it.

Male spouse is always sandwiched between mother and wife.

Mortgage, loans blah blah and if I had married MR EX, his business trials and tribulations too.

As I look back at MR EX now, I see a broken and lonely man.

Children spoilt rotten by his spouse.

All his wealth garnered by his spouse.

His boom and bust in business, owing millions like in Monopoly money.

I am glad I am single.

I owe no man and no man owes me

I tolerate no man and no man tolerates me.

When hungry, it is my own tummy – not my spouse, nor children nor outlaws.

I eat simply. No airs, just Garfield and I.

I will die alone, maybe hopefully not quite alone.

Maybe out there, is my soul mate…lost in horizon, sans GPS, sans homing device to find me.

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Frustration #2 Of The Day – Emotional Blackmailing Me

Mr El Depressed texted me to say that he was hallucinating and going berserk as he took weight loss coffee and chocolates that contained harmful substances that could induce heart attacks, strokes and liver failure.

Mr El Depressed is not psychotic but vain and stupid. He is leading a contingent to the South East Asian Games 2019 in Philippines and his vanity urged him to look slim – he is not rotund at all.

Receiving first of all an earlier series of text messages that said he was suicidal and that he was going to do silly things did not amuse me. In fact it made me anxious and worried for his well being.

Then last evening receiving bits of pieces of information of where he is, showed me that indeed he is not suicidal nor going after any deep end.

I did not feel happy as Mr Docile was correct in saying that Mr El Depressed was jerking me around and that he was emotionally blackmailing me.

Fame and fortune comes at a price – I always feel that the rich and famous are more afflicted as they have no happiness and are lonely.

Mr El Depressed is no different. He has a string of businesses and famous in his own way as he sits on a lot of boards and is always in the limelight.

But he is not kind hearted. He is hard hearted, is what I felt.

I finally had enough of his nonsense and sent him an email to say that he ought to stop all this nonsense as the next time he sends me such messages, I will call (1) the police and tell them that I have such a person who sent me such a message and if they could check on his well being and (2) then call his wife.

If he is as sick in the brain as he claims he is, then it is best his wife is aware of it and reach out to him.

I feel this is the best I can do to help this soul.

As to why he feels the need to irk me or get me all anxious, I really do not know and do not care.

Sigh…not a good start to my weekend really.

I need to deal with my physical pain and snuff out this mad man.

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No Fun To Be In Pain – 1st Frustration

Last night I went to bed with a sore shoulder and painful scar from my parotid gland surgery done in July 2019.

This morning I woke up with a shoulder pain tipping a perfect 10 on the pain scale and an even more painful scar.

Off I trotted to see Dr Surgeon and he was so full of himself to say that his parotid gland surgery was perfect and that the pain from the scar is not from his operation.

Geez….talk about pushing away blame or being egotistical. His rationale is that he has done thousands of such surgeries and no one has complained about the symptoms I feel.

I retorted that I could be that anomaly!! Can he not just research, check the books and figure out why my scar feels like skin being ripped whenever I turn my neck?

I assured him that I was not after a witch hunt but a solution. Dr Surgeon is so stuck in his perfect ego that he can do no wrong that he refused to put his brain to figure out when my scar hurts so bad.

I literally burst out in tears.

I asked him if there is NO CURE, tell it to me in my face.

Or if I am an anomaly and that it takes 2 years (arbitrary speaking here as I pulled number out of a hat) say so.

But stop saying “not me” or “cannot be me” statements.

As a surgeon he should be more open to listen and stop blocking out the symptoms I am trying to tell him.

I asked him why my skin feel like ripping whenever I turn my neck?

No answer but “not from my operation”

I asked him when my left cheek’s swelling will subside? It has been 4 months since the operation. 2 years? 4 years? Forever no cure? What?

No answer but “not from my operation”

I was frustrated.

I told him of constant food stuck on left side of my jaw and that with the swelling I kept biting my own cheek. I spent $321 for my dentist to help me clean and patch the tooth abrasion cavities in the area as I brushed so often to remove the stuck food.

He is so dense as not to know this as the neurologist did warn me about this.

But he was insistent, “not from my operation”

My left ear lobe on top and along the sides of the face hurt. Why, I asked?

No answer but “not from my operation”

He is so stuck in his ego state of I am a perfect surgeon that he did not allow any consideration for my pain.

He grudgingly prescribed a steroid cream for me to apply onto the wound.

I left his clinic. Surgery was done. There is nothing he can do and will do to assist me.

I do not think I will go back and see him anymore as afterall I pay for a session which only says,

“Not from my operation”

Looks like I have to find my own solution and heal thyself.

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