Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

Expect – One Word Prompt

To expect and not get what you expect leads to disappointment. TRUTH!

To expect anything in any relationship is a torture when it does not materialise. TRUTH!

I expect trust, honesty and sincerity in a boy girl relationship. I AM STUPID HERE! 

*Face palms self* – this is so archaic as these days, it is about how much value one is to the other!

MR EX wanted to present self to me at 4.30pm but arrived fashionably late at 5.30pm. This is his attempt to patch up whatever “ship” he thinks he has with me.

As usual he asks of me for a favor ie to take a video of him asking for donations for his latest charitable cause. 

For a pauper that he claims he is, he can afford to do all this to get more fame. 

Like Jack in a box he pops up and like Houdini, he disappeared in the blink of an eye within 1 hour.

His alien space ship of business moguls arrived it seems.

I heard noise but did not register what he says. Selective hearing and strategically tuning out is what I do best with this character.

For anything he says is almost never ever truthful, I learnt to expect nothing from MR EX.

To me, MR EX is kinda like Jack Shit 🤣

Meanwhile….I can see he has grazed the whole side of his Mercedes 300.

Obviously he is not a safe driver. For that, I am glad he is alive as he loves to text and drive.

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Succumb

Despite more than 16 surgeries of which 3 were life or death, I refused to succumb to any of my lemony issues.

To be fair, I did not fight either to live.

Instead I resigned self to what will be, will be.

I entrusted my life to a team of 12 surgeons and great physicians.

They played GOD since the real GOD decided to go on vacation and has been, ever since.

After more than 30 hospitalisations, I am not bitter.

I just accept that 🍋🍋🍋🍋are a part of my life and my destiny lies in suffering pain, being diced and sliced, often losing my ability to breathe.

For the surgeons more faint hearted, they surrendered their FRCP MBBS degrees to me and said those belonged to the waste bin.

For that one surgeon that loved me so much, he was so hurt that he could not function. I could not love him back.

I often wished I succumbed to illnesses plaguing me. It would remove all my pain, suffering and or enquiring mind on the proverbial “WHY”

I have no answers.

I did not succumb.

I wish I did.

But till then, laugh….and more lemonade anyone? 🍋🍋🍋

Lemon pie perhaps?

30 Comments »

Superficial – One Word Prompt

I dislike being superficial or knowing that a “friend” is being superficial.

MR EX fits the ambit of being superficial.

There can be no loyalty from him, only utilitarian usage.

If you are of use, he will fake interest, buttered with superficial actions to confound you into believing a warm and generous man lies within.

He can create stories like Walt Disney without making us realise we are conned into his thinking.

There are many MR EXs amidst our lives in social circles or at work.

The trick is to see through “superficialness” and act in remembrance of the message shared here.

*Pardon the “French” or “F” word below!

Take care and treasure good friends and discard energy sucking vampires like my MR EX!😉

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And So The Story Goes #70

Aargh I hate Mondays😣

Drats! My hair is like a mop! I hate it when I am trying to outgrow the length and it does get shaggy like an unkept dog’s fur LOL!

I have stopped going to my regular hair stylist as parking at her shop’s location and her short operational hours were not conducive to my work schedule when I used to work crazy hours. So, off I trotted to try K Cuts, a Korean chain of salons which is fuss free, no frills and we are processed like an assembly line. I have been happily using them for almost a year now and am happy with them.

A ticketing booth which doubles as a cash collection point would swallow the $10 bill and $2 bill and spits out a receipt. A big sign reminds you to provide exact change as the machine does not provide chain!

Off I then go to sit docilely like a child on a row of simple chairs. Nothing like Corbeau sofa seats, no comfort padding but cold hard chairs. There is no luxury of magazines and so, the patrons queue and entertain selves on their handheld android or iphones to while away the time, waiting for their turn to come by.

I can twirl my hair and I keep doing it whilst driving when I am forced to wait for the traffic lights to change to green. I must look like a maniac to the other driver that pulls alongside my car. It gets even more dangerous when I flash my pearly whites whilst twirling my hair for inquisitive stares.

Anyway, I am quite sane. Just selectively insane when I feel like it LOL!

Mr EX has text me to say that he does not want me out of his life. My reply to him was that I am tired with his behaviour. I am the “go to person” when he needs my help and then I am persona non grata. This is not what friendship entails. I shot off a rude message really and 2 blue ticks indicated to me that he read it.

Silence ensued after I whacked him on his usual hogwash reply that I did not understand him and the issues that he faced. Try explaining that to my inanimate furball Garfield who would just stare back at his inane replies.

Gawd! Do I look like I care….LOL!

I am in a mean mood I guess. But hey, I have had enough of being the nice moron who gets the short end of the stick each time I am there to attend to his royal hinny’s needs.

If I need any help, his royal hinny is never there to offer help and he would bluntly tell me so.

One way street relationships cannot work and I have woken up from my lala land to know that I have been a silly twit to believe in humanity!

Sigh…I am now a meanie ;-( blah!

I need to chop off my hair to destress! It is unlike me to so mean but I have to! Aaargh!

Waiting for clock to strike 5.30pm so that I can high tail out of here to get my mop trimmed.

*an extra post….pardon me whilst I vent*

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Love Or A Business Decision? You Decide….

I met MR EX in my first job. Actually, this was taken by me as an interim job, whilst I waited for my work papers for Hong Kong to be approved.

He was technically my Lord and he was always looking in on me as I was taking care of an office of about 60 people.

I appreciated his kindness as a Lord and not once, did I know that he liked me or was interested in me. I felt he was a good Lord.

So, after a short stint of 3 months in his office, I resigned and left for Hong Kong once my work papers were approved.

I still appreciated his care as he then started to fly over to Hong Kong to see me on weekends. It then dawned on me that his fella was interested in me and I began to look forward to his visits. He had a wicked sense of humor that appealed to me.

Whenever he was in Hong Kong over the weekends, he would take me to see the seedy sights of Hong Kong. He always felt that I lived in sterile world. I call it being cautious as I do not like to put self in harm’s way. If I knew that a locale was unsafe, I avoid it at all costs! This, to me, was street smart!

My 3 year stint in Hong Kong came and went rather quickly and soon I relocated back to lil red dot.

MR EX did not let up and ramped up his wooing.

He then proposed with a handmade grass ring!

I did not accept as I was intent on climbing the corporate ladder. I was not ready for marriage, neither was I keen on having children. It is tough to be a parent and harder to be a wife, I felt. Besides Mr EX exhibited traits of now you see me, then you don’t! I call it, his Houdini Act.

I remember not declining but just crying. He took it as I ‘rejected’ his offer.

2 months later, he told me he was marrying a girl she met in church. This girl had an only sister who was dying of cancer and she had a ready business to take over. He wanted to be a part of that business.

At this stage in my life, I was starting out. I did not amass a huge fortune and was a struggling employee paying off my first property housing loan. I was not lucrative for him to pursue I guess.

He went from rags to riches and that was it.

In between the years, he kept coming back to me. He has often shared that he has found his soulmate in me.

I wondered at his reasoning of things!

If I was his soulmate, how come he quickly married a girl who had a dying rich sister with no other living relative?

He commented that if in this life time we could not be together, he wants our next life time to be together.

My reply to him was “oh gawd no!!! This is my last life on earth and I ain’t returning!”

Love and money do not go hand in hand.

One may love another but when money presents itself, it becomes vital to choose money over love.

A friend of mine used to quip..”no money, no honey” and he is right too!

Having MR EX always hanging around weighted heavily on my shoulders. I believed in friendships and thought he could be a sincere friend as we bantered, laughed and cried together.

I cannot be always his fall back gal as he has to decide on his priorities. The girl she married is savvy with dollars and hung on to the wealth with her dear life. He is very much kept like a slave, beholden to her as she holds the purse strings.

This is a good tactical ploy of hers as without access to her wealth, MR EX cannot go far.

As I look back at our past, I am very glad that I did not accept his marriage proposal. I could not fathom an understanding as to how any man can marry any girl in 2 months. I thought about worldwind romance and it could be possible! Or he two timed me, which is plausible.

But if that was the case, I heard enough grumblings on him about how difficult this girl is and how demanding the family is.

All I can say is I wish him well. He chose his life and made his bed. He now has to lie on it.

We may have loved each other. We may have cared for each other. But I believe, the love, faith or trust is not enough to hold our relationship as there was none to begin with.

Perhaps I am a hopeless romantic or as my female friends tell me – I think like a man! Decisive and no room for second opportunities.

I think they are right as I am cut and dry. I assess a situation like any management problem, do an analysis and decide straight away without wasting time.

I tend to solve or make decisions using management standards. If I suffer losses, best to cut it, rather than have a piece of rotting wood that will infect the rest of the body. LOL! Good or bad? Do tell me….LOL!

As to if MR EX is truly happy, the answer only lies with him.

 

 

 

16 Comments »

Love Gained Or Love Lost

I pondered on the term “love” between a man and a woman. 

Romantic love that leads to marriage, family and the proverbial happily ever after!

A big price it seems to me as 2 strangers woo each other and legalises a union through the term “marriage”

Is he or she a serial killer? Proverbial liar? Con person? 

It is a game of chance. 

Sometimes true love, other times nightmare from hell!

Sometimes man chooses woman or vice versa who is well connected, wealthy and successful so that he can be instantly successful.

Sometimes man chooses woman or vice versa to look good..ie a commodity to be held at arm to present self before a business scene.

Regardless, man or woman pays a price.

Not all man or woman are as what it seems. It can really be a match in heaven…true love and happily ever after with kids in tow.

Sure….married couples bicker for the silliest of things – toothpaste caps not closed, toilet seat not raised, who to run kids to school…laundry and the list goes on.

Who can be more selfish? 

Man or woman?

As a woman, I feel the men I have met do not get to know me for who I am but instead for who I can be to them.

I am not eye candy to be draped on their arms but a powerful prop to gain media attention, Dukes of Yore, solution provider for business or networking.

Men I knew needed a leg up in society. I did not hesitate to share or help as I knew what it is like to struggle.

I ask self if I have the come hither look that says “come tell me your woes and I can help you”

I was put to the test yesterday.

After running an errand for my folks, I took them for a meal at a food court.

Whilst lining up for my dad’s favorite chicken rice, I smiled at the good court helper. He nodded his head as he cleared used utensils and collected food waste.

As we settled down to eat at a table, he hovered near our table and nodded at me again. I smiled and returned a smile again.

The 3rd time he approached me, he put 2 packets of unopened pocket tissue paper on my table for our use.

I saw for the first time his badge which read,”I am deaf” – he was also mute!

I asked and gestured if he had eaten lunch. He pointed at watch and used 4 digits to wave his end of shift.

He signed and shared how he was bullied at work.

Mum held out $5 as a gift to him and he quickly pocketed it.

I felt for this man. If he is married will he be bullied too by his wife or relatives.

Why did he approach me to tell his woes?

Did I have the come hither tell me your woes and I can help you look?

Or am I a purpose of higher forces to listen and hear the man on the street?

I get strangers coming up to me to just talk or be told their burdens. 

I guess I am a vassal for their refuge or release valve?

Marriage or relationships are tough. It takes hard work and open communication to be sincere and honest.

Once there is no sincerity or honesty, I feel any relationship is doomed. Anyone can have a glib tongue but the savvy wooing and fake traits will ultimately surface.

This is why I am single I guess because I am critical and analytical. I pride self on being honest and sincere and this scares people.

They know that once I find them dishonest after 3 times, I will make a “business decision” to call it quits else my heart is smashed.

But being a sentimental fool, I tolerated a friendship with Mr EX for decades.

 I reflected – it was something I had chosen not to do with him.

He is a recalcitrant liar and a gold digger for wealth, contacts and looking good to others by striving for awards to stride in society.

Entrepreneur of the year award, businessman of the year award, most charitable man award blah blah are his coveted medals but in truth….he has no friends as he used all and threw all once the utility ceased.

He is charitable only if he gets a letter from a statesman to state his donation.

S Man was sharp and last night he shared with me that MR EX is a pragmatic guy. If he sees one he meets without merit, he stops talking to you.

Spot on S Man! I thank you for sharing this and opening my eyes.

By walking away from MR EX I am now free from pitying or worrying for him as he never needed it. He only wanted my contacts. He saw me and used me to gain entry to my inner circle of who’s who! *Not that I had many except for social charity work I like doing* ☺

Friendship and love exist for its monetary worth is the motto of Mr EX and I am clear now.

Pity party is over!

Love gained or love lost? Neither….as there was no love to begin with so how can it be lost?🤔

Ha ha my Sunday attempt at wisdom folks….hope it makes sense and happy Sunday to you all🤗🤗🤗💕💕🐾🐾

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Friday Thoughts – Life Vicissitudes – Come Drink, Laugh Or Cry With Me

I am in one of those moods that make me sit and reflect on life’s vicissitudes.

My philosophy is simple.

I live because I was born.

As I start each day of life, I began my journey towards death.

Living is part of dying and dying is part of living! Why?

I eat, I live, I work and I die.

I die with the understanding of life experiences as felt by me. The lemony parts, the happiness, the sadness, the bitterness and the moments like these that make me reflect constitute the journey called life.

I am unsure how I will die, when I will or the process of dying – will it be painful, painless, draggy or swift? If I knew, I would make millions of dollars! Think of the royalties for movies and books!! LOL!

Born a cradle Catholic, I have lost all faith in Catholicism. I prayed religiously, obeyed all 10 commandments (*maybe not all as occasionally the easier ones are broken) but felt the loss of spirituality from my daily life and experiences.

“Ask and you shall receive” is as easy as “if you do not get it, it was not good for you” typical answers did not gel into my thinking.

“Love everyone like you would yourself” – heck I did all that and all I got in return was betrayal, false trust and basically being used and tossed like yesterday’s newspapers! Aargh!

Ok ok I know, it is said that we do without expectations. I did not 10 out of 10 times, those I help disappear and heavens forbid if I were to ask for help, they bluntly tell me not to ask them for help.

It can be easily said that I chose carelessly to help. I should help those that only need help! Sheesh….they all needed help and without the assistance, they would have badly suffered.

I am contemplating throwing out the icon of Mother Mary with baby Jesus into the waste bin! Let me burn in hell! 😀 as it is no different than being coursed through a life that is filled with rocks – boulders and not like the lovely colorful pebbled beach of Brighton UK!

As my parents age, I see the merits of my mother helping many others and the “friends” she has over on weekends. But I doubt they are all “true” friends. Still, it is left to be seen as she is a believer in being 100% kind. It keeps her busy and she is happy.

I cite an example – for those who have been following me, will know that I have 2 siblings who are 100% apathetic. They cannot be bothered if any of their family members are in trouble or die except for the reading of the will. Money rocks in this unit called family!

I was asked once to whom will my monies go to when I pass since I am single. I replied without batting an eyelid, ‘not to you’ – politically wrong answer!!

Some years back, my dad had a benign meningioma that required urgent surgery. Dad loves only 2 of his children…yup I am the blackest of sheep in the family…maybe I hail from Garfield heritage!

I had to beg either of the 2 children to see him before undergoing the knife as risks were there. The eldest, my sister, after much cajoling said ok she will show up! Big mistake, she did not tell me when.

On the date of surgery, she was nowhere to be found. Surgery proceeded and thankfully it was non eventful and dad pulled through. Sis appeared some weeks later. It was only when mum was bathing grandson that she found suction bruises on his back and the little toddler told oma that he was caught in the suctions of the Jacuzzi at a Bali resort. Aaah the truth was out – they had proceeded to have a holiday first before going along the way to see dad!

Wow! I was floored.

I cite another incident. Bro hates Singapore with a passion. He believes in China and HK, SAR – why? Oooh because his beloved Lizard hails from HK!

My siblings will always claim they have no money when we meet. So we all pay for their expenses when they visit.

But ohhh you should see how my brother feasts on the finest of cuisines and would turn his nose up against what we eat. Hey! I ain’t a connoisseur of fine foods and the last I checked, I eat to live and not live to eat!

So, forget about truffles, caviar blah blah….it does not make any material difference to my life.

It is hard taking care of dad who hates me with a passion but is devoid of love from the 2 urchins he dotes on.

I told him matter of factly that he caused and created the family politics and deepened the rift amongst children as he condoned and fueled their animosity towards me. In his aged days, he apologized but words as his heart still stands for the other 2 and will not speak to them to be nicer to me. Does not matter now, as I have given up being nice afterall all the things they put me through really. I am better off greeting a stranger off the road as a brother or a sister!

I was nothing more than an ATM machine for them when required and a pair of useful hands to take care of things or sort problems. I am a middle child and middle children are worst off. Something about us – maybe we are insane as alluded by my delightful brother. He said that I was insane but when I last checked, he has no credentials as a psychiatrist, much less a psychologist to certify me sane or insane!

Thankfully, I am grateful for mother’s love who bore the brunt of arguments that she took my side. I felt like I was an independent between the Democrats or Republicans. Sheesh!

When word leaked to me that Bro decided to buy a property in HK, I was not surprised as he never loved the lil red dot. He is not conversant of HK SAR laws and I will leave it. He stands to lose everything if his cohabitant common law wife decides to take all like a winner.

I wondered why he did not choose to invest in Singapore property that gives good rental return and property value that does not get snatched by government.

To all of the above, I salute the wisdom of my mum – it is his money, why do you bother? Do not mention their names as they are of no value to you, other than making you angry and upset.

I reflected – it is true. Money is theirs, choices have always been theirs!

But the sad part is neither of these 2 urchins made a choice to care for their elderly parents. To my sister, it is an expectation that her parents must give her, her due inheritance upon death.

To my brother, his sole duty is to finance and care for the family of the Lizard. All monies and time must be dedicated 100% to Lizard and his new found family.

I live a life that is exciting, dramatic and I wonder if Hollywood, Bollywood or any film maker will make a movie out of – I will title it “Trials and Tribulations Of Sibling Rivalry”

It is the last lap of my parents journey in life and for one without choices, I will have to do my utmost best to care for them and see them through.

As for my dad, I feel sad for him as I know how it feels to love someone but someone does not reciprocate their love for you. As a father, he has failed me and in turn, his children failed him.

Life…complicated and not easy.

Life…challenging and yet sometimes invigorating.

Life…when the end comes, will I go out with a smile or a curse?

I hope I have the continued strength, courage and patience to see it through the marathon of life😉

15 Comments »

Unique Blogger Award Nomination

I am honored to be nominated this award by Karen Beatrice of https://writerkarenblog.wordpress.com.

Do give her website a visit 😊 to read her lovely posts.

Now…I have to work for it! 😉

1. Who is the most influential person in your life right now?

Honestly right now, I am the one holding onto sanity, being the “adult” for my elderly parents as my two siblings have chosen to ignore on basis that they live in another country.

If anything, my two siblings drive me up the wall as financially they do not offer any help to care for parents. But are arm chair CEOs. They tend to make things difficult.

No money and no time but if there is any inheritance, they are both first in line. Typical I feel of children these days.

Sis told me not to call unless they are dead.! So there!

I needed her to sign a document…she said wait for 5 months! Gee if I am going senile and needed her help, I would have to wait till December.😞

So….hmn….right now I have no one that positively influences me. 

I have a list of morons who influences me to think cynically, give sardonic comments and laugh.

Except hmm maybe my inanimate furball Garfield who gives me warm hugs, does not betray nor hurt me.😃

2. What is the experience that has changed me?

A near death experience in 1991 and recent surgeries showed me how ugly my family can be. 

I am nothing more than an ATM machine or of use…then I am remembered😃.

I also saw how “friends” are actually acquaintances and what is the meaning of “true friends” – I feel one has “friends” when of use. Once of “no use” nary a soul is a friend – fair weathered friends aplenty!😞

I became cynical and sardonic, using humor to turn lemons into  “palatable foods” or flavorings or seasonings of my life!)

I Laugh to cope with all my pains😁

I Laugh to forget all the ugliness😞

I Laugh to acknowledge betrayals by friends and family.😣

I Laugh to recognise fake friends.😲

I Laugh to know in my heart that my family is nothing more than the blood from my gene pool. Nothing more and if I ever need blood, heavens no way jose would they spare me a pint!😝

I Laugh when I meet the horrid Lords I meet at work!😝

3. If I would have to choose between new love and old which would I choose and why?

😞No new love but heaps of old loves or I should call them “victims” 😂😂😂

MR EX is quite well described in my And So The Story Goes series. 

Do pop by and search “And So The Story Goes” on my site, Garfieldhug, to know my ulcerations and happy moments! 

Yup he wasn’t all evil😉just a moron that is selfish and self centred most times.😞I had to do his bidding and avail self whenever he expected me to be there.

I believe all good men are taken; married, dead or gay 😔! Scraping the barrel here as they are just “lost” or on endangered species list😂….sigh😔

Nominations Of Other Blogs

There are so many good blog sites on WordPress and to ensure no one is left out, this nomination also goes out to all of them!

Blog….vent!

Blog…share!

Blog….laugh!

Blog….cry!

Blog…celebrate!

Blog on anything or everything…do not stifle creativity!

Thanks again for this nomination. I am humbled.

Garfield hugs🤗🤗🤗

22 Comments »

Awakening

It is hard to walk away from family. 

No religion teaches this nor any well meaning person does this!

But if I don’t, my sanity may go and or I will suffer major illnesses.

I suffer from an autoimmune disorder, amongst other ailments.

My rheumatologist and immunologist has often asked me years ago if I am under extreme stress. Stress sparks my disorder.

I lied. 

But deep in the depths of my heart or stomach as Asians would say, I knew that what my siblings and own father did to me, left me dumbfounded.

I asked self if I was indeed their blood child. Regrettably I was. That was not an excuse I could use to explain their behaviour towards me.

Jealously? Probably as they expected me to be down and out on the streets when they chased me out of a home. I was like dust which refused to go away.

Like a pariah, I walked out with a suitcase of the clothes I had. 

All my other things were left behind and I knew sis scavanged and took what was left. Earthly things did not bother me as I can always buy once am back on my feet.

Within a year of leaving the home, I worked furiously to amass wealth. Survival instincts kicked in and if survivor series was available back then, I would do well to forage for food 

The pressures of life caught up with me and I landed up in hospital.

As the doctors unravelled my illness, I was left like a guinea pig to be given biopsies etc.

When the diagnosis finally concluded, they pronounced my death sentence. As usual, nothing can be done. 

Years have past. I continue my physical fight. I beat the odds to live. But my mental fight is waning.

I need both mental and physical health to tackle life.

I gave up on religion and I have cursed God for whatever HE has given me. I have been pious. I tried to be a God fearing person.

But I no longer fear God as God to me, is a creation of man to seek comfort and solace. I still seek a plausible reason for life’s lemons.

I am beyond that.

The trials I have undergone have not given me meaning and sense. The only lesson I learnt is that blood does not make a family.

What makes a family is empathy, compassion, being there for one another when needed. Friendship and love. These were non existent.

Instead I faced verbal abuse, threats of physical violence from both my bro and father. They wanted me out of the house 

I have kept my promise throughout, regardless of how difficult family made it for me.

I did not fail as they expected. A large part of them felt I should die. This way, I am a nuisance out of their way.

It will be a hard journey ahead as I walk away with my back facing them. In my parents’ declining years to lose my support is sad to me.

I know bro will never return to lil red dot to care for them permanently and neither will he spare change to provide for them. 

His Lizard would never approve as he is beholden to her and her family in HK being their money bags.

As for sis, she is too engrossed in life in NZ and always putting her son first to care about her parents. She has often told me to dump them in an old folks home. That is her duty as a child practising filial piety. 

She did not attend her mum in law’s funeral as she saw no need to do so as her son is pivotal.

I doubt she will offer to pay the hefty fees for our parents’ old folks home stay. 

Plus the conditions in our old folks home is not the standard of NZ or developed countries. 

We lag behind in this and that is why I furiously volunteer to help seniors to get policy makers to improve. We are getting there, but not quite just yet.

Too many lemons really….

10 Comments »

Harmony Is A Word I Cannot Fathom

I go through much of life without much harmony. 

Ironic right? 

I laugh because it is better than crying.

I laugh to forget the things in life I go through.

I laugh to remind self that it is okay for my brother to shout and say I am the curse of the family.

Ok…I know that my siblings and I are not hunky dory. We have family politics.

Dad dotes on elder sis and youngest bro. I felt it and whatever I was deprived of, was made up by mum to me. Of course bro and sis despised my mum for caring about me.

Of course this angered bro, sis and dad. So, believe it or not, I was ousted from family home after college. 

Life goes on. I have a family name but I kid you not, I have no family.

Now that bro lives in HK with his partner I fondly call Lizard and sis moved to NZ, dad has no one to rely on but yours truly.

Still, I am as bro shouted at me today “a curse” when he showed up at their home when I visited.

Bro does not appreciate all the sacrifices I made in life and I personally blame this on dad for fuelling the politics.

Despite being thrown out of the family home at a young age, my dad did not bother if I had food or money to survive on. Neither did my siblings. I was blessed for 2 church friends who provided me with food.

Those were my hardest years as I worked many jobs to earn enough to put downpayment on a smallish unit and not worry about where I live.

I forgave them for what they did to me and stood in to tend to dad if he fell ill as neither of his 2 preferred children bothered.

Lo and behold when I popped in to see mum and dad, bro showed up from HK to pick a fight. I had demanded an apology from him for all his deeds and he refused. 

To him, I was a curse to the family and that all the suffering I went through was made up and existed only in my mind.

A shouting match ensued and I relived the ugly politics as dad as usual took his preferred child’s side.

Labor Day and I made a decision. Enough is enough. Since bro wanted me classified as mental and evil, so be it.

Family may be classified as blood related but certainly all my life, my bro nor sis has treated me as family.

I am family only when there to pay for things.

I am family only when things happen and no one knows how to resolve.

I am family only when needed.

So…there you have it folks. The reason why I laugh.

Life has given me lemons. Huge painful lemons but each lemony item, I mask with laughter.

Only those closest can hurt me and the emotional scars left by my dad, bro and sis are deepest and ugliest.

Harmony…..I come from the same tree as my siblings yet why am I treated like a plague my entire life?

So much for a loving family as I assure you I have none.

Maybe I am mental.

Maybe I am a curse.

Maybe I should not continue to be a part of a family that does not want me?

I do not regret walking out of this family. 

As I told mum and dad, I have no family and walked out.

I wished them well and sincerely hope that dad’s 2 preferred children will tend to them when in need.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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