Life at any age is fragile and precious to loved ones..
Regardless of human form or animal form, a life is a life and when they pass, it hurts.
I know, I lost my pet dobermann, Gretchen, in 1989 whilst I was working in the land of the Fragrant Harbor.
I remember returning to lil red dot at past midnight, seeing her blind and crippled from heart worm disease but wagging her bob tail on hearing my voice. I spent 10 minutes stroking her head and telling her I was home.
The next morning, I found her body in rigor mortis. She must have passed after I spoke to her and retired to bed as I was unwell, with bronchitis.
Mr Kind texted me last evening to share that his father (90 years old +) woke up from bed, fell and had a stroke. He did not tell me anything about it till 48 hours later, when his dad was stabilised.
He continued to send me daily memes for those 2 days and acted as if nothing was wrong.
I felt bad as during that last Thursday, I was still talking shop to him and he did not cut me off on text. His kind demeanour continued to let me ramble on.
I apologised for my insensitivity as I could have been more reserved in chatty chats given his mind on his father, overcoming the sudden stroke.
When one is at such an old age, do we celebrate life or mourn death?
I too have aged parents and often wondered – my conundrum, celebrate their lives or mourn their deaths?
I took my mum and dad for our usual weekly dinner.
I felt bad that I am unable to do more often on account of work as well as my swollen foot.
Getting up at 4am or 5am. Being at the office at 6am so as to go home by 6pm and get ready for the rigorous cycle the next day is my norm.
Each time I take mum and dad out, I am only able to put head to pillow by 12.30am and this takes a huge toll on my spine as I get tired out.
So when mum started her whining on her “bad life thus far” I lashed out at her.
She has no debts. She has money compared to the homeless. She can afford to eat whatever she chooses and declines whatever she did not like eating. There is no banker waiting to repossess her home due to unpaid mortgages is another example of how lucky she to be financially able.
Basic needs are there for her and she is fairly well for a woman of her age.
I reasoned with her. The homeless have no choice in lodging or food choices.
Since young, I have had orthopaedic issues with my spine and am living in much pain on a daily basis.
When she moaned about no one helping her, I rebutted. It is her choice not to have a live in helper. It is not the case where she cannot afford one, but a mindful choice of not wanting one.
As to why none of her other children bother to care about her, I ticked her off too. She did not wish to speak up and I have been the bad guy, going after my 2 other siblings to remember their parents.
My parents continuously make excuses for the other 2 urchins to console self that they are busy, live overseas (out of sight, out of mind philosophy) and have their own lives. Thank God, I am not a mother as I will never kotow to this mentality. Filial piety must be guided and taught.
Perhaps on knowing my 2 siblings, I felt that children should not be born as they will only grow up selfish and unappreciative of parents.
None of my other 2 siblings were victims of financial budgets. Only this black sheep was. But I feel it is to my advantage as it taught me hardship and the ability to work hard for my own money.
Alas, I am the one that is direct and obtuse.
When each of them wanted to live in a land other than Singapore, she did not object.
When I fell in love with my economics graduate teaching fellow (he is 12 years my senior) in the university it was either I relocated to USA or he moved in Singapore.
He tried to get a job in Singapore but was unable to do so back then.
I had to let him go as I was the only idiot left in Singapore and if I flew the coop, what would become of the 2 elderlies?
My brother nor sister batted an eyelid to up and go, leaving their parents behind.
They could not be bothered with their parents and till this date, also do not care. The only thing that ties them to my parents is the windfall they will get once they both keel over.
Such is life, rightly or wrongly.
So when I heard from Mr Kind of his family supporting the incident in the family, I felt the loss of warmth in my own family. It made me reflect on my own community of “family” and it made me very sad.
I was sad as it reminded me of how I would struggle on my own to ensure my parents are well to be discharged from hospital when they fell ill. I had no family support. I had to ensure my dad was safe, trudge off to work and report at the hospital nightly or catch doctor’s ward rounds between 7am to 8am.
The last critical heart condition of my mum, required me to blast the 2 urchins to return else they regret not saying goodbye to mum if she did pass.
Life is fragile.
I want to celebrate the life of my parents and not mourn their deaths when the time comes. It is easier said than done but what else can I do?
Mr Kind was right to revoke his father’s driving rights back then as it would have been worst if an accident occured from a stroke.
Meanwhile, I pray hard for Mr Kind’s father to recover from the stroke with minimal impediment to motor skills else it will be frustrating for his feisty and full of life father who likes independence.
May the deities above, bless and guide Mr Kind and his family to overcome the health issues faced by his father and sister. Grant them both good quality of life and the tenacity to overcome.
May all families stay safe during this covid 19 pandemic.
