This & That And What Ails….

I hate it when part time help is not time sensitive and tells me within an hour of supposed arrival that she is delayed, hour every after hour. I gave up after having the appointment dragged from 11am to 3pm and cancelled. The reason I received was even more alarming as part time help then said her son in law passed away in Philippines. She did not even tell me her daughter was married!

I find people using death flippantly as an excuse. I do not mean any disrespect to any nationality but I tend to get this from people of 2 particular countries. It would seem that monthly, they would lose a relative through death. People around them in their home countries would be suddenly dropping dead, pre-covid 19 times when something is required of them to be done. If it was Covid-19 it would make sense but it is not and it is just wrong to do so!

If it was a genuine death, I would be deeply saddened but to have a family member dying monthly and on days of special requests for work to be done, seems to stretch my compassion or empathy a bit.

I also find it so weird that when Mr Nice told me he visited a mutual friend’s late father’s wake (age 93 years old) and I texted a note of condolence out of respect and care, this mutual friend immediately sent me a photo of the obituary and expected me to pay my respects and offer condolence monies. How presumptuous!

I had to apologise and explained that I had just been discharged from hospital and that my hands are heavily bandaged – basically I could not attend wakes, more so during Covid-19 it was not quite suitable for me to do so. I did not get a reply for me to say thanks and or for me to take care too. It felt to me, that since I was not going to the wake, he was not too bothered to reply.

Strange! I am unsure in your country if marriages or funeral attendances require you to gift monies but here in Singapore, it is customary to do so and recover their expenses for either the wedding or funeral.

Personally, I cannot attend anything “red” or “black” events as these are taboo for me – I get very ill when I attend such events and have refrained since as a child. So, I avoid it like the plague or in today’s new normal, avoid it like Covid-19!

My cousins too are not nice folks as one particular cousin is town crier for deaths in the clan and honestly we do not know these clan members and hardly have dealings with them. But once anyone of them drops dead or produces a grandson or child or great grand niece or heck who cares if it is the grand poobah of the clan, this Town Crier, will immediately look for my mum to milk her of a couple of hundred dollars. I did not mind this when my parents are younger and nimble on their feet to go about but with Covid-19 and mum having spinal issues and walking becomes hard, I worry for her safety.

I baulked when Town Crier hijacked my mum and made my mum pay for taxi fare back and forth so that my mum can “generously” donate to the death proceedings of an unknown clan member.

It infuriated me so much that one day I looked up the Town Crier and strictly told her to stop doing it. The whole village can die for all I care – this same village did not bother to visit my mum when she had major heart surgery. Nor did any one in the clan visit my dad when he was also very ill. I sat alone in the critical care area as my dad was in ICU, waiting in the dead of night till I could heave a sigh of relief.

I am not being mean. But I feel that the issue with death, births and marriages have become a lucrative means for people to show off lavish funerals or celebrations for keeping up with “face” and hoping to milk well wishers for monies through “gifts” of cash.

This is why I have adopted a from the freezer to the BBQ pit when it is time for me and my parents to leave this earthly realm. Actually for me, I will be in the freezer for 3 years as I opted to be a silent mentor to a medical school.

It simply riles me when a deeply meaningful event is trifled with for economic gain, useful excuse to get out of work or used for wrong reasons.

It is simply not right! Not respectful! This is how I feel.

10 Things Your Dog Would Tell You

A true ode from a dog to its owner…

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me- it is crucial to my well being.
4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment.
5. You have your work, your entertainment,and your friends. I only have you.
6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don’t understands your words, I understand your voice when it is speaking to me.
7. Be aware that how ever you treat me, I will never forget.
8. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I love you.
9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I might not be getting the right food, or I have been out too long, or my heart is getting too old and weak.
10. Take care of me when I get old; you too will grow old. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say: “I cannot bear to watch” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there, even my death.

2 Chinese Sayings…..

I am Singaporean, from Lil Red Dot, but my ethnicity is labelled as “Chinese” though I am not from mainland China. I am born and bred in Singapore or I fondly call, my Lil Red Dot.

My paternal grandfather was an immigrant from China. No one knows from which province or state in China, just China. He married a local Singaporean woman. I never saw or met him as he passed when he was very young, leaving my father to his own devices to survive.

My maternal grandparent was one that I did see and visit weekly with my mum. Unfortunately, my maternal grandfather passed when he was young after marrying my grandma, leaving her a widow at a young age with a brood of children. I never met my maternal grandpa and am told that they were immigrants, from Indonesia.

So when I use the phrase, “a Chinese saying”, it is literally a generic thing that we locals use to quote the historical teachings of philosophy to make sense of things.

I share a few and we can giggle, laugh or ponder the imponderables about it.

Every household has a difficult prayer book

It is true that each household has it silent issues and problems. Each household is unique but the stories when shared are similar. Alcoholics, addicts, gamblers, struggling to make ends meet, illnesses, struggling to pass examinations, womanisers for spouses and the list goes on.

If you can pick it up, you must also learn to let it go

This old adage teaches me about letting go of things that hurt me or caused me to hurt. It tries to tell me that forgiveness will release me from the anger and frustrations that come with the “thing” – my only 2 grouses of work lords and MR EX:-

Work Lords, also known as Bosses from Hell – I have had my fair share of them; Scorpion King topped the list with the least knowledged of empathy, compassion, kindness or gratefulness. I will never forget the life’s lessons he taught me.

Electrical Lord is another moron that I have learnt things from – good things i.e. to take photos of things so that it becomes a item to follow up from e.g during site inspections, what is broken or requires fixing. I find this useful for me when at work and at home.

As I matured, I learnt to toss out Lords that I find no joy in working with. The minute I find them dubious, unkind and taking me for a slave, I vote with my feet.

As for MR EX, he is or was the only person that I thought was genuinely kind, compassionate and with a heart of gold. I was oh so very wrong.

There were 2 personaes and it took me a while to see a money grabbing man with a huge streak of womanising in him. He used his wiley charms to get what he wants, uses and dumps.

I was useful as I had specific things he required. Economically and exposure to the Dukes and Duchess of Yore.

MR EX would always sell his story of rags to riches to the outside world of wheeling and dealing. But to me, he was always a down and out guy, trying to so hard to make ends meet.

One word, liar! But that is him. I am very glad that I did not marry him as after the wedding proposal, he found instant wealth in a lady who had a dying sibling with a business to be handed over on a silver plate. You see, I had none! I only had Garfields, my inanimate furballs and to me, each of them is priceless.

A friend sent me a video clip of a famous Buddhist Monk in Taiwan who gave teachings to audiences and I enjoyed his 5 minutes of wisdom. I do not know his name, but when I forwarded the clip in Mandarin to Neighbor, she replied and told me, this Monk is famous in Taiwan and has a huge following.

I will never be able to get onto the echelons of wisdom as this man. I am still a work in progress, like every human being.

I wish to believe that in each of us, there is a kind and loving person inside that is lost or is afraid to be depicted for fear of weakness.

I was also told that even in hardcore murderers, they have kindness too.

But the honest truth is, as a work in progress, I am not a saint and am not in line to be canonized anytime soon as it is hard work to strive and be that being.

Neighbor is nearer to being a good being as her generosity and kindness has shown me how to be kind and caring to others. Her concept of sharing food is a good one and I understand where she is coming from. She loves to cook but unfortunately, no one appreciates her cooking and she gets motivated when she sees me eating and enjoying her food with gusto.

So the moral for me is, spend time to see the good in people.

Spend time to stop and say thank you.

Spend time to stop and smell the roses and remember that I am alive…at least for today as tomorrow is another day, another battle, another bucket load of issues to handle.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

A Feel Good Post

Just a beautiful story , well worth reading : One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. ‘Really?’ she heard whispered. ‘I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!’ and, ‘I didn’t know others liked me so much,’ were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in
Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. ‘Were you Mark’s math teacher?’ he asked. She nodded: ‘yes.’ Then he said: ‘Mark talked about you a lot.’

After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

‘We want to show you something,’ his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket ‘They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.’

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.

‘Thank you so much for doing that,’ Mark’s mother said. ‘As you can see, Mark treasured it.’

All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, ‘I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.’

Chuck’s wife said, ‘Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.’

‘I have mine too,’ Marilyn said. ‘It’s in my diary’

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. ‘I carry this with me at all times,’ Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: ‘I think we all saved our lists’

That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don’t know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

Question Of Do We Mourn Loved Ones Or Celebrate Their Lives?

I am admittedly different in thinking as I age. I used to see things as they are and left it at that. It is either black or white, but as I develop in mind maturity, I see grey areas and I also begin to understand that we all have decisions to do what we want and not be dictated by societal norms.

No, I am not asking all to be social deviants or start protesting in a march or making things difficult for others. But I ask for discernment and how to assess things.

I started with the thought of mourning loved ones when they pass. I hate funerals. In my entire life, I have only been to my grandmother’s and that was it. I avoid funerals.

I do not do it out of disrespect for the dead but I asked self, if you value the person when alive, is there a need to show the outside world that you cared for this person?

Funerals – and I do not mean any disrespect to the dead and their families but I find it filled with so much pretense and “show off”

In the chinese culture, a lavish and grand send off tells your families, friends and acquaintances of how rich and good one is in doing the right thing for the dead.

“Right thing?”

Will the final journey of a “right thing” wrong the avoidance, lack of care or daily visits or providing for the dead?

I have seen how families fight at funerals over the expenses. Chinese operas, feasting, gambling of mahjong at wakes or doing show and tell….but in life were horrid to their loved ones.

I am not the best of daughter to my elderly parents. I blast them for not listening to my advice and they get into trouble with health or have a fall or miss medication and feel unwell.

But I do it not out of malice but out of love and prevention is better than cure mindset.

I make the time and effort to take them for their unending medical appointments, queue and get their medications, do what they tell me to do for them.

I cry each time quietly in the night to myself as I know the journey of life will end over time.

I will not see them as I age and I will be all alone in this cold world that Garfield only keeps me warm with his inanimate hugs. Outside of work for keeps, social work and caring for my 2 seniors, I have nothing.

When they undergo surgeries or are hospitalised I am at my sharpest wit to do battle with whatever comes my way.

So, as I mourn them daily, I prefer to celebrate their life when it is time for them to pass.

The longer one lives, the more one will outlive usefulness I feel.

With all my medical ailments, I am already 70 years at age 28 years old. I should have died at the operating table, but unfortunately, I lived.

I have an annual “staycation” at Bates Motel with White Coats and Florence Nightingales. I make friends with the butler who comes to serve me my meals, the chef who cooks it and the CEO who collects my payment.

I have learnt to make the best of things, out of the worst of things.

Life is about living and dying and dying is about living.

One has to live to die and one who dies, have lived.

I prefer to celebrate life, the legacy one leaves behind – the good deeds, the errors of their ways and a perchance meeting in the next life if my karma is not fulfilled and ripened.

In my own mind, I keep telling self this is my last journey and my karma must end as I do not wish to be reborn to go through samsara again. Enough!

I have seen ugliness of family, work bosses, colleagues and how people can be, including lovers or potential spouses.

I chose to be single because I could not find the right Prince Charming as the bugger got lost without GPS and we never met.

I chose to be single because if one has gone through my childhood and life, they will never want to bring another life into this world to go through the same. Government must realise why people do not want kids but prefer furkids. I do not blame couples like these.

I will have no one to mourn me when I am quite dead and gone. But I hope that somewhere, someone may just clink a glass and celebrate my life.

Sometimes, out of the blue people will text me and say they thought of me. I liked that very much, thank you!

So, would you mourn the loss of a loved one or celebrate their life?

No right or wrong answer.

No unfilial deeds.

Just me, being practical and do things within my conscience. I am not one to pretend to wail, beat with my fists to chests and bawl my eyes out only in the presence of others.

I prefer to drop my nightly silent tears as I remember that my parents will not be with me until I die or likely if I go first before them. Hmmmm….

Miffy Poses & Miya Tales #62 (Final Tribute To Miya)

Ms Feisty cremated Miya and showed us the little container that is now the new home of Miya.

Rest in peace Miya…27 June 2021

Life started for Miya as a small little furball. How quickly she grew up, outgrowing Miffy.

This is my tribute to the life of Miya with Ms Feisty.

She was cute, so full of character and life. She made the funniest poses and indulged Ms Feisty to give great fun photos to share with me.

Miya was the only cat that begged for food

Miffy Poses & Miya Tales #61 – Rest In Peace Miya (OBITUARY)

It is with sadness that Miya passed away at the vet this morning, Singapore time.

She was just 1 yrs old and couple of days.

Ms Feisty sent her to the vet early this morning as Miya had labored breathing. It was very sudden.

When Ms Feisty went to see her at 10am, the vet was performing CPR.

Miya passed away peacefully, not in the arms of Ms Feisty.

Ms Feisty is heartbroken and no words can console her for now as she needs to grieve.

Below are the last photos of Miya, the calico cat, with Miffy.

Rest in kitty heaven Miya.💖🌹💖🌹you left us too soon.

Glad This Civil Engineer Is Gone For Good As He Did No Good With His Qualifications

In memory of the innocent lives lost and celebrating this horrible person’s exit from Earthly realm.

Kindness of Neighbors In My Block & Yes, Ugly & Sad Ones Too

I have lived in my apartment block for many years and the long stayers like me, who do not flip apartment units to make a profit and move on, have stayed good neighbors.

Mr Power Utility and his wife were the first occupants of the block.

I am considered a 2nd generation occupant.

I have seen his children grow up to be a teacher and a general practitioner. He had a cancer scare some years back and we both sat down to go through medical care options as I shared my network of White Coats with him. Thankfully it was a mis-test that showed he had cancer. He did not have cancer at all!

He shared that his brother had cancer of the leg and thankfully is in remission now. His wife is a home based piano teacher. I love to hear the melodious sound coming out of his apartment block. But others consider it as “noise pollution”

My immediate neighbor is Mr Banker. A singleton, he is a nice chap and always the go to person to help me when I am in Bates Motel and recovering from surgery to check in and see if I am alive.

You see, I always shared with him that I did not want to be one of those who died rotting in my unit without anyone knowing till the stench arose. We laughed. He helps me. I am glad.

My immediate neighbor, Ms Aunty, across my unit is the wife of a successful business man. She is upset with her son who married a “woman” of the trade and gave her a hard time as they lived under the same roof. I listened to her tales and understood where Ms Aunty came from.

After her daughter in law gave birth, instead of being in confinement (our culture does this to protect the health of the mother who just gave birth, proper food, nourishment and care is required), she went to the bars and pubs and partied hard, leaving the newborn with her as “mother”to care for. She returned home nightly intoxicated as this was the “trade” she was used to, which Ms Aunty felt was not right. Ms Aunty’s husband, the rich businessman did not believe in Ms Aunty’s concerns and this left Ms Aunty very lonely and she started focussing her love on me, by cooking for me.

Sadly she moved when her bungalow completed its reconstruction in the Beverly Hills of Singapore and she sold her unit. The last I heard was that she took to roaming the casinos to spite her husband by gambling away the wealth she gets. I felt for her but I could not do more.

Ms Tuition Teacher on the floor below mind is another sweet lady, sharing whatever cookies or sweets her students’ parents gift her. I remember her kindness when she used to cook for me too in 2018 when I underwent major surgery at Bates Motel. These days, she does not cook for me anymore as her helper is driving her up the wall! It is hard to find good helper.

Ms Neighbor, started cooking me scrumptious meals some 3 months back when she saw me with hands in braces and trying to get groceries out of my car. She emphatized with me and immediately said that she would share food with me, as afterall she had to cook for her family and grandsons. I offered to pay her for the food as a long term plan would set her back I felt in costs.

Ms Neighbor refused to hear any payment. In turn, I could only buy her fruits from time to time or biscuits or snacks. She keeps reminding me that I need not buy anything for her, neither should I be obliged to do so. Her kindness is heartwarming as she reminds me of the humanity and love in mankind – one that I don’t often get. She has her worries and concerns too as one of her grandsons is not speaking nor doing things that normal children should at the same age.

Further, she shared with me that she is a cancer survivor.

I could offer her a listening ear and told her that should she need to vent, please do so as I would be happy to hear.

I have had my fair share of rotten neighbors too. I used to sit on the committee and head it for the estate. Mr Power Utility was also a member. Mr Journalist was a nut job and I quit because of his idiotic attitude of doing things with common funds that benefits him only.

The other group also did the same and I made the right decision of letting them run the estate when it got acrimonious as they wanted to spend common estate funds frivolously.

Factions arose and I never saw more divisive neighborhood than this.

Strangely enough the deities sort to put things right, but in a strange and painful way.

The Indian Chief of stirring or stoking the flames suddenly suffered the loss of her husband through cancer. Within months of diagnosis, he passed. She attempted to commit suicide and I found her sobbing in the car, engine on and windows wound up. I left her consoled. I need not do it, I did not forget her nastiness but I empathised with her. She moved out shortly after as I think she was embarrassed at the things she did. I did not. instead of me being nasty back, I offered a listening ear.

Next, the other member of the opposition was suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer, She was Ms Hospital CEO. She told me she was stunned and that she did her mammograms religiously every other year. She had less than a year to live as it was end stage. I sat with her and left her with a jar of ginseng.

Ms Australian PR returned to her penthouse unit and told me that she was also dying from lung cancer. Her partner, an Australian, also succumbed to lung cancer some months before she was also diagnosed and they were both non smokers. She told me that the highly suspect cause was gas heaters used in her Australian home. She has since passed.

The neighbors who passed were not old but in the prime of their life in late 30s or 40s.

It reminded me of the fragility of life and that statistics of cancer is real – 1 out of every 7 will have cancer.

For my current neighbor who has been generous in love and care by sharing her food with me, the best gift I can offer her is love and friendship. I take her like a “sis” and respectfully know that I cannot impose my will on her.

Listen, care and suggest – she has the key to her own troubles and being a mother, a grandma and a wife is tough on her.

What about your neighbors? Any interesting ones?

Latest Trend In Obituaries – I Could Write Mine Now….

I have noticed of late that the obituaries in the papers have been more light hearted. This is especially so for those who live to a ripe old age.

Well, I for one, will not be living to a ripe old age! Heaven’s forbid! Another day of suffering! Enough I say!

I can almost hear the booming voices of deities! “Ain’t your choice human! It is OUR Choice” – hmm they are right as I do not control my end time. Though technically I could, but it is illegal as suicides are against the law in Lil Red Dot.

Posthumously, I will be charged and “caned”.

I vote for euthanasia but it is against the law here.

I digressed. I meant to write my obituary….as if anyone will post it for me when I am a goner.

Here goes…

“It gives me great pleasure to announce that I am a goner! Yup! I left for the upper or lower realms. Unsure where at the moment as my soul has to be weighed? Hmm..perhaps the standards of post death have also changed to meet with new normal.

No angels lifted me. I kinda just left and I guess my cause of death may be medically related as it certainly cannot be due to euphoric happiness!

I lived a life working and doing stuff that most others did not feel responsible for. I was the gopher, a servant, if you will.

Aaah but I have one great inanimate companion – Garfield. He is now rather raggedy and thin from flattened stuffing. For those who grew up on digital toys, a soft toy is a huggable and yes, it is passe as these days the young ones prefer the gadgetry of things.

I am old. I guess I died old. Or older.

My next task is to revolutionize wherever I end up.

If in the upper realm, then I must have done something good. HAH! I will then have alot to complain to the heavenly Lords for giving me the short end of the stick whilst on the earthly realm.

I could change the “filing” system and digitise it. Put checks and balances in place to ensure that no legit humanoid has to suffer. Surely there must be better ways of delivering learning points for them on earth.

If I am in the lower realm – gee the shovelling of coals must be automated. Really…no one break backs doing this menial task anymore. Let’s get Thomas Edison, Stephen Hawking and whoever in the scientific world to assist by asking the Lords above to loan us their services on contract basis. Their way of contributing some good to the dark lower realm.

Yes, I am gone.

Mourn not. Honestly, I know not of anyone who will mourn me, except my inanimate furball.

Relatives – none worthy of mentioning. They probably will turn their noses up on me when they realised that I have not left them any pennies. Not that I have a lot of pennies to give. You see, I am not Elon Musk nor was I Bill Gates.

No wealth really.

So, what is the purpose of this obituary? Not much except to let you know that this person is not around to be used, of use and or for use.

I could be missed for my sardonic humor or silly memes.

Laugh, live and know that I am somewhere around…

Boo! As Casper would say!

And guess what! I lost all my FAT cells – now light as a feather – the only consolation.

Good bye.

C’est La Vie!

Adieu.

Zai Jian!

TO BE FILLED IN DATE….