Flowers Taken In India

These pics were shared with me by the photographer, Samy, my physiotherapist. He told me that he photographed these flowers that were happily blooming in the gardens of the sidewalks! So pretty!!

I love the daisies one most as Samy used it for his screen saver and it was very pretty!

Samy is from India and is working in Singapore under a work permit.

He is hoping to be able to bring his mum over to live with him in Singapore as his father passed away recently and his sister has a job offer to work in Czechoslovakia and his other brother is working in Qatar.

Samy will soon be match maked to a bride and he will marry her as he has been unable to find true love. He is nos in his forties.

I hope he is able to have his mum over and his future bride too.

All the best Samy!💞💞👍👍😃😃😃

Photos are courtesy of Samy

Felix The Cat Is Dead…

Remember Boy who adopted 17 year old Felix from the shelter at a month or so ago?

Felix began to show his age and despite Boy giving him vitamin jabs, Felix went to Kitty Heaven last week.

Boy was sad but he was glad he spent the last month with Felix and was with him, till he passed.

I consoled Boy. The relationship was not long and his parting will not be too bad compared to if he had Felix since it was a kitten.

At least he still has Emma to keep him company.

Rest in peace Felix. Though you scared me, I am sad I never got to hold you nor offer you a treat.

I will remember your feisty character and prefer to see you as that spunky cat instead of how Boy described you as a feeble and weak cat when you departed.

❤❤❤🌻🌻🌻🍃🍂🍃🍂Rest in peace Felix.

Why Lil Red Dot Did Not Shut Up On Ukraine’s Situation

Many netizens have come out on social media to ask our men in charge not to say anything about the war between Russia and Ukraine. Their thinking is that we are too tiny and being tiny, we may aggravate the great mighty Russia to take action against us.

Whilst I can understand Lil Red Dot being a tiny sovereign country, the fear of antagonising the big and powerful is real. But the argument our men in charge held was that, being a sovereign state, what happened to Ukraine and also happen to all other small sovereign states. Hence the need to speak up and against this atrocity waged on Ukraine. The laws must be upheld as no country should invade the other without provocation.

I am sad that in this day and age, war is taking place. I would have thought with round table peace talks, arbitration and mediations will suffice and treaties brokered between any warring states.

As a non Ukrainian or Russian, I can only hear “she says” and “he says” – some of which I pondered over.

So and so is described as an actor. As an actor, publicity can be drummed up.

Someone reminded me that with Russia given all its might and power, it could have taken over Ukraine in days! Yet, we see photos of women walking to get groceries and garbage trucks still collecting rubbish.

What is the real truth behind the war?

I do not know. Only Putin and the Ukrainian leader knows.

Isn’t there enough loss of lives on both sides?

Isn’t there enough strife for those evacuating and seeking refugee status in Poland, Hungary etc?

I was told that men are not not allowed to leave Ukraine, just women and children.

I am sure both sides have seen casualties.

Russian soldiers commanded to wage war on orders. What is in their hearts to commit to fighting this battle?

In one of the news circulating on the internet, a soldier wrote to his mother and was subsequently a victim of war.

So Lil Red Dot has joined in to impose bans on the financial Russian institutions here and prevent funds movements – economic sanctions if you will.

I do not understand geo politics.

All I want is world peace – cheesy Ms Universe quips as uttered by Ms Sandra Bullock when she went undercover in that Movie, but real to me.

World peace equals prosperity and progress for any nation.

We have enough on the war front with Covid-19 pandemic, yet why must a deliberate altercation ensue between the 2 warring countries.

I sincerely hope that a country, any country can intercede and broker a peace pact for both. OR by some miracle, Putin decides to withdraw troops, not as a sign of loss but on a magnanimous approach that Ukraine has suffered enough.

Uncertainties In Life

I wanted a swankier eye grabbing title but then I got confused as should it be “so much uncertainties in life” or “so many uncertainties in life.”

Grammatically, it seems both suffice but I am puzzled as if uncertainties are countable or are they not? I suppose it can be quantified and when it can be, it becomes “many” and if it is unquantifiable, it is “much”

I cannot deny that the Ukrainian episode is garnering a lot of world views and I am actually sad this is happening in my era of life. I would have thought with a more educated and worldly view, world leaders would be more restrained and not head into war just like that.

I am unsure who upset whom and my only question is – did it warrant a war that is seeing unnecessary loss of civilian lives or even the soldiers fighting a war because they are directed to do so?

If it was such a deep seated issue, why could not mediation or arbitration resolve the issues?

Our world is today, still reeling from the effects of Covid-19. We are still not out of the woods from battling this “war” where people dropped like flies till vaccines were created and people got covaxxed!

First there was Kim, North Korean leader with this trigger on nuclear arsenal. Now we have Putin.

I cannot imagine should the 2 like minded persons become bosom buddies, then the world will be in a big frightening world.

I worry for countries surrounding Ukraine and if they will be affected should the one waging war gets angry with them for giving shelter or food to the refugees.

I wish this ends, peacefully and amicably.

Seriously, I do not know who is the bully here?!

Anyone know what caused this blow up?

Chap Goh Meh – Sobering Reminders

Today is the last day of 15 days of Chinese Lunar New Year (CNY) celebrations. Yes, we celebrate 15 days of CNY. Tonight it will end with Chap Goh Meh (in Hokkien dialect, literally translated to mean 15th night).

This is not as elaborate as Reunion Dinner and most families do not bother about it, unless it is a multigenerational family structure.

I, for one, does not usually make a big hoo ha about it, but given my mum’s request to pop by, I will go over this evening and celebrate Chap Goh Meh with both my parents.

My mum has a large family and have have passed. I remember how my maternal grandmother passed away on eve of CNY or Reunion Dinner night. Contrary to Chinese superstitions that people will not visit wakes or attend funerals, I remember the lavish ceremony and the number of well wishers who came by to offer their condolences.

My maternal grandma passed away at age 72 years. I suspect she may be younger as the Chinese usually pile on a couple of years to inflate her age at death. I think she should have been 68 years when she passed. Comparing to today’s longevity, grandma passed at a relatively young age. Given the medical science and poor diet, she lived long compared to my paternal grandfather, who passed away in his 50s.

Today, people are living longer – like the Energizer battery, well into their late 90s and some beyond 100ys.

I disagree with living so long as it becomes a burden to family and society especially if the person is sans good mental faculty or decent health.

I will not want to live long. No point as no dignity, plus I do not have family support. I will be at the mercy of society and pretty much a burden to tax payers.

Even the best of friends will become exhausted I feel.

So my sincere wish is good health for all. Good health is so important as without it, we are nothing.

Good health is wealth, as without good health, how can one earn continued wealth?

Good health is happiness, as without good health, how can one be happy lying in a hospital bed or hospice, intubated and tube fed, not tasting fave roast meats, chewing veggies or eating blueberries?

Good health cannot be bought! Correction…yes, one can buy organs or receive donor organs but these may have life spans and the possibility of rejection of the organ by the body.

A sobering thought to end a celebratory period. But I thought good to share and remind good people, don’t do drugs, drink moderately and do your best to go for walks.

I ought to start going for my walks again….slow ones say the onco surgeon but where is the fun in that as brisk walking erodes fats!!! LOL!

This & That….Health Care By White Coat Continues

My White Coats are racking their brains to “fix” me.

Basically, I have a rheumatologist, Prof Fong; bone fixer upper, Dr Clever; onco surgeon, Dr Bodoh (Malay word for Silly); Pain/Anaesthesiologist, Dr Boey; Eye surgeon, Dr Eye and gastroenterologist, Dr Lui.

I have more White Coats but these will do for now as they are the main cast in my plot for today’s blog.

All in, I have undergone 30 surgeries, with Cancer topping the molehill like a caramelised cherry!

Mr Ability To Earn and Dr Eye has commented that I ought to write a book on my escapades in these 30 surgeries (all considered major as I underwent general anaesthesia with each procedure at minimum of 3 hours and maximum at 16 hours).

Who would want to read it?

If I was a weakling in mind, I would have gone bonkers literally as each time, I get sentencing, I just calmly tell the doctor my decision and sign off on the permission slips.

So, if a doctor does not know me well, they will think that I have “not accepted” the diagnosis and would want me to think through before deciding. This was the case with Doc Bodoh, my onco surgeon. She was insistent that I have not accepted the Cancer diagnosis and wanted me to speak to a medical social worker who can offer me “support” Sheesh!

I am a practical person. If I did not agree to surgery, will Cancer go away? Of course not! Worst case scenario is that it will worsen and begin to spread!

Will talking make my Cancer go away?

Of course not! So when I faced Dr Bodoh after Radiologist spoke to me on the outcome, I immediately gave her my decision instead of her offering options such as chemotherapy or radiotherapy.

I guess I did not give her a chance to spew her options and she felt that I was hasty in decision making during second week of December 2021. But hey, I solve problems for the company I work for and I have identified my problem, did my feasibility study and weighted the pros and cons. In my case, the pros outweighed the cons and it was a no brainer decision to remove the cancer where it resided.

Like a manager, I made an informed decision. I relied on research and read by googling, asking my other doctors and made a rational decision all in a couple of days. All done before I faced.

I survived Cancer surgery but struggling now with chest spasms. It takes time to heal. And no, I am not having heart attacks although Dr Bodoh’s team of nurses highlighted potential heart attack to me and to consider seeing cardiologist.

Meanwhile my autoimmunologist and Rheumatologist, Prof Fong, feels that I might need some Prednisolone for a couple of months to bring inflammation down.

Well, I am already FAT and if I ingest Prednisolone or steroids orally, guess what!!! I will get FATTER!

No thank you! With more FAT, I will be a victim of diabetes and I do not need more issues.

So, I will abstain from Prednisolone (going against Prof Fong’s orders) and hope for the best.

Like any sane person, I constantly ask WHY ME?

No amount of meditation will enlighten me to the path of Nirvana really!

The Monkey Brain in my brain box cannot be tamed and there is no logical answer.

If I choose the reason of karma then I must have been the most horrid and or evil person in past lives to be suffering bad karma now.

If I choose the positivity of things, it is divine intervention to tell me to slow down and smell the roses. Live a less rat race life and forgo a rank at top management and be a rank lower than minion hood!

I have no answer and as I journey on in my life….I get to meet kind White Coats, strangers who become friends and no lack of compassion or empathy in what I am going through.

Thankfully, I am sane. By a sliver of good luck, I stay strong to be sane. Else insanity takes over when a rationale answer cannot be delivered to me.

I often ask myself if I was a hypochondriac? But sheesh, each MRI or CT scan will show something not right. Neurosurgeon scanned my brain and found a tumor. Thankfully it has calcified and looks benign. I was told it can regenerate and reminded to check in on it now and then to ensure it is indeed calcified with no new shoots.

So here is the low down on this worn out body –

Brain – meningioma

Spine – 10 titanium rods, implants and screws – over time, more sections will collapse

Foot – loose bones, already removed one

Buccal Cavity – on roof palate I have a bony growth, no surgery for now. Future?

Hands – 4 surgeries done, more to come in future?

Gut issues – fear of perforated intestines is real and exists so White Coats are all hands on deck when I have tummy issues

Autoimmune issues

Eye issues

Life goes on…….until I hang up my boots as they say and believe it or not, I have already procured my niche in a columbarium, koi pond facing and corner unit so that I might have a quiet resting place after I serve my term of 3 years as a cadaver for the medical school.

Oopsy Daisy!!

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”

On a more serious and personal note, suicides are not to be laughed at.

Each has their personal challenges and sometimes without a way out, they turn to suicide as an optional way out. I sincerely hope that if anyone is feeling depressed or burdened to seek counselling and help from the professionals so that by living, you are able to overcome your issues. Easier said than done as they say, but once you are gone, you are forgotten and is that not a life wasted. Stay and fight the good fight and come out stronger than ever.

I remember when in school, a classmate ran away from home as her mum would not let her date an older man.

Another was a colleague at work who was in an abusive marriage and would arrive at work with a black eye. She found love in another man whilst married and I never knew the true story.

As for MR EX, he claims to be chicken hearted to commit suicide and is struggling to make a living. I find this hard to believe as he has 2 grown daughters who are not economically viable by choice as parents can well afford their lifestyle and a wife who is a pastor of 9 churches.

A sob story and I could not be bothered because if he did truly love me, he would have won me over instead of marrying into money the minute I rejected his offer. Two timing? Definitely and the one with most wealth won his heart!

Another reason why I walked away from church as looking at MR EX who claims the Creator in every other sentence, I am sickened by the same Creator.

Religion to me has become a sorry excuse I feel for people to seek comfort in. If you really believe in a “God” that works for you, then this “God” will reside in your heart and not in your pockets and be used as a means to churn money or wealth which is sadly the example of MR EX and his pastor wife.

I know I need not bow or prostate self to this “God” and to step out of the holy church to see parishioners fighting over car park lots or gossiping about things.

I will die a sinner and I rather be a sinner than a hypocrite to use “God” in every sentence, when I know “God” has abandoned me a long time ago.

By praying for something and not doing anything is silly as like it or not, food or manna does not drop from heavens above. Hard work and earning a living does. It should not be the case of this same pastoral wife of MR EX buying a next Hermes bag from church funds isn’t it?

Bah! What do I know??? I only know Garfield who does not pee nor poo and stares back at me with his plastic beady eyes!

Yet Another Week End

2021 is hustling out the door real quick and I am not excited in wanting to holding 2021 back.

2021 was not good!

Covid-19 raged on and it claimed many lives, worldwide. I was secretly calling the Evil Wiper Of The Silver Tsunami as it was claiming the elderly in Lil Red Dot ranging from 60s to 105!! It is sad to lose anyone to Covid-19.

I am indeed thankful that at least with vaccination efforts, more are spared. It took awhile for people to get used to believing in the good of the vaccine as naysayers created conspiracy theories of wiping out the world of people with this vaccine.

Others cursed at Pfizer for raking in the millions and for faking a vaccine – my view was that Pfizer is a pharma and like all pharmas, they engineer drugs and conduct trials and they are not charitable organisations. So they are entitled to the profits for their concoction.

Fake or otherwise, its efficacy has proven to save lives and I happen to be taking their antibiotic when I am ill – Pfizer had produced Clarithromycin or Klacid. it costs a lot to buy this medicine but it has saved me form broncho pneumonia many times. If so many scientists around the world tested Pfizer’s vaccine and found it as a weapon of choice to counter Covid-19 then what choice do we have? Die from Covid-19 or live to fight the consequences?

Sadly the 60s and above are not so lucky too, especially with co-morbidities. They also succumb to Covid-19 as their immunity may not be as robust as a younger person without underlying health issues.

I wish life was hunky dory, people enjoying their travels, eating and dining with others happily and forgetting the nasty business of Covid-19.

But it is tough as businesses are still reeling from it. Tourist trade will never be the same again. On 29 November, Singapore will start its Vaccinated Travel Lane (VTL) with Malaysia, with Thailand, Cambodia and other countries on the card.

For now, there is hope for those Malaysians living in Singapore for the last 2 years to be able to go home and see their families through designated travel buses. But the process is a tough one as limited daily tickets are available and many are flocking to log into the system to book their slots, only to be met with an overload glitch.

I find it ironic that people yearn for company but when they get together, their eyes are glued onto their cell phone and busy texting or posting on social media.

Pfizer, Moderna, Sinvoac or what have you that comes out of pharmas give hope to sufferers of Covid-19 and a chance for them to fight it and live to see their families.

Whether it is a conspiracy to kill all humans, so are we all with carbon emissions, greenhouse gases etc. I am no activist but I use plastics carefully and recycle a lot to ensure that the plastic container is on its last leg before I have to bin it.

Life is never easy.

Life is never rosy posy.

Life has its uphill tasks and challenges.

The strong willed survives, the weaker ones languish but hopefully people are around to help them.

I sincerely hope that the meaning of paying forward lives on and that the stronger helps the weaker and together as a society, we bond, regardless of race, language or religion. This is to me, the meaning of life and the evolution of the human race.

Posting Glitch & Life’s Vicissitudes

I am sad.

We start life as a baby, mewing and puking as defined by Shakespeare. I call it the “bud” of life.

We progress on, well described again by Shakespeare in the 7 stages of life.

After going through the last round of surgeries, I thought life would hunker down and give me some peace till the annual pilgrimage to Bates Motel begins in another year. I get 12 monthly reprieves from the Grim Reaper usually.

But this time, it happened very quickly when a routine test for cancers resulted in “changes” that the radiologist “did not like and that it does seem like cancer and on the other hand, it may not be cancer. So I am labelled as indeterminate for cancer” and required a biopsy.

I pleaded with the radiologist to do it that same day not because I was scared of cancer but rather, I have no time to take annual leave and or be away from work again to recuperate. Luckily, the radiologist had the the time to slot me for a biopsy in day surgery the same day.

Biopsy was like a sci fi movie and after camping at the hospital from 8.30am to 4pm, I drove home shell shocked.

It does not matter if one is genetically predisposed or not, cancer is not selective. It takes on anyone or everyone they feel like it.

I have had bad medical news before and have not been as shell shocked as this because I am concerned about the cost of cancer treatment.

The biopsy and loads of images taken, has set me back by SGD3,500.

If indeed I am slapped with Cancer, then this figure is a drop in an ocean of cost.

I am still waiting for test results to deal with what I may potentially now have. Life goes on till the sound of the gong and I will know if “dinner is served” or ” am spared of more treatments”

I am also sad that our Olympic gold medalist Joseph Schooling’s father, Colin Schooling, lost his battle to liver cancer. I know that liver cancer exacts its toll on sufferers very quickly and from mid May/June 21 announcement of late Colin’s diagnosis and how he succumbed to liver cancer on 18 November 21 is a blessing shared by his loved ones as he is now pain free!

Cancer does not care who, as Cancer parks itself wherever, whenever it pleases – the poor, the uber rich, the ugly, the beautiful, the gifted or one with special needs.

Some take cancer in stride, living for the first 5 years from diagnosis to reach a milestone and told possibly cancer free till next block of 5 years.

I know of cancer survivors – at all costs of digging out pennies from everywhere to live for the sake of life.

What is life I questioned self?

I live.

I scrimped and I save for rainy days.

I work hard or rather slave for a job as a means to provide for my living. My only solace is that at least I have decent Lords, not unreasonable Lords who does not micro-manage and let us deliver results we need.

But at the end of the day, I asked self, what is life?

Is it about living a life for others and living a life of no choice as I have to pick up slack where others do not want?

Is it about living a life doing good and yet getting punished by the higher deities as they find me a source of good fun to poke at and levy out suffering?

I really cannot fathom the mysteries of life and what is in store for me, besides, more slicing and dicing or if I am lucky, I can stop living and end it all.

Will I be allowed to live out a natural life or will end it with a dramatic and painful exit?

I also had a posting glitch whereby my pre-planned posts did not auto post at the preset date and time. This caused my perfect non stop posting on WordPress record to be expunged. The couple of thousands blog posts since I started this blog site is now wiped down to 4 days.

Sigh….

Meanwhile I await sentencing from the hospital.

Will I live? If so, for how long?

Will I need to battle cancer? If so, at what cost?

I have not enjoyed life in as far as I know and have lived everyday by doing what is required for my folks or working like a dog or reporting to Bates Motel for annual slicing and dicing.

Seems like I know why I do not believe in any heavenly realm……

Trick or treating continues by the upper deities….their sense of “fun” bemuses me.

I am sad.

Feeling Sad & Reflective At Life

As human beings, I know that we cannot live forever or like the Ever Ready Energizer Bunny – plonk in a new battery and the toy lives on.

I watched a cantonese series called Life On the Life – about the daily lives of Ambulance Men in Hong Kong. Through the producer’s series, I was reminded of the impoverished, striking to lead a better life and struggling to live a life better than they were born with.

In particular I was really enlightened by an ambulance man who had a gambler for a father and lived in sub-divided units that were in squalid conditions, using the toilet as a kitchen as well. How this person overcame poverty to subsist and carry the burden of his father’s gambling debts and got badly burnt by debt collectors who threw Molotov cocktail into the mini bus that he drove to put food on the table for he and his dad.

He never ignored the father nor hated him, instead, the 2 bonded and went through weal and woe to see this chap take on the examination to be an ambulance man when his father regretted seeing his son’s badly burnt back and quit gambling.

I saw how a bunch of recruits became fast friends and how one of them lost his life when a call sent them to the run down flats and the floor beneath them caved. The deceased ambulance man had managed to push the elderly woman to safety and he fell 2 floors door and died from his injuries.

I was really caught in the series as I saw how the Supervisor of this team of ambulance men, suffered the loss of his wife through an accident and the irony of him saving the man who rail roaded his wife to death as he was drunk.

As fate would have it, the drunk driver then suffered a terminal illness and donated his cornea to a doctor who happened to see the 10 year old daughter of the Supervisor almost drowning in the swimming pool. The Supervisor found out only when the late donor’s wife showed up to meet the doctor.

How do we carry the hate and deliver forgiveness?

The Supervisor was devastated when he saw his girlfriend dying in a road accident too and cursed God. A miracle occurs and Lazarus Syndrome happened. His girlfriend has a returned heartbeat.

I teared up watching this 25 episode series of an hour each.

I saw the fragility of life.

I saw friendships.

I saw death of loved ones.

I saw the poorest of the poor living in Hong Kong, picking up cardboard cartons to eke a living and how the Ambulance Men helped the elderly collect the cardboard.

I saw a photographer with dementia called Robinson crying his eyes out when he happened to be in moments of lucidness over the loss of his wife.

I asked self the following questions:-

How will I deal with loss of loved ones?

How will I cope when I am alone, managing the wake and funeral of my elderly parents?

Will I end up dying alone as I am single?

Will I lose my mobility or mental health with age?

Loads of questions that burdens my mind as I do not have answers. I need to plod on as time flies quickly and soon 2021 is out the window.

What holds in 2022? No one knows!

Most importantly, like all Singaporeans, we are worried as to if we have enough savings to match our life span that is getting longer!