Challenges of taking care of elderly parents has taken a toll on my mental and physical well-being. There is no expected gratitude and I live on tenterhooks, with my heart skipping a heartbeat whenever my cell phone rings or if either parent is feeling poorly.
The unending medical appointments with doctors consumes my annual vacation days. I live for them and do not have “self-time” to just leave and go for a long holiday.
It is tough as conscience reminds me that I am the only one they rely on as there is no one else – their other 2 children have distanced self and uses the reason of not being in Lil Red Dot as an excuse to wash hands off them.
I feel guilt trapped as I cannot say no.
Mum has been thwarting every reasonable way of getting things done for hers and my dad’s care. A live in helper would be reasonable but I know that there will be a lot of friction between my mum and helper as my mum is very caustic and critical. I also envisage trotting off to the authorities whenever the helper seeks refuge in their embassy on basis of being chided. These days, with so much hype on human rights, it is incorrect to even tell the helper where they have gone wrong.
I can understand Mum’s frustration on her hearing disability and her spinal issues. But I reminded her that she caused the spinal issues as she refused to elder proof the home when I wanted to and ignored my pleas telling her to stop climbing up ladder. She fell 3 times and this caused her spinal issues.
Mum is unco-operative.
Dad is muted and wooly in the head. All he wants is to eat, sleep and continue to forget things as he does not want to put in effort to try and be engaged.
I feel sad that I may be forced to quit my job to take care of them as full time helper. This will thwart my own savings plan for my own retirement when time comes. It is hard to get a job once I quit as employers tend to hire younger, cheaper and people in the thick of things.
It is hard to talk sense to Mum as she refuses to move into the new digital age. She lives in the 1930s when she thinks that old folks homes are located in the forest areas and that cost to live there is cheap and that she will be well taken care of there.
Today’s pricing for private health care facility is SGD7,000 per person and it excludes medical care, transportation and consumables. It means I still have to be driver, medical attendant and take time to travel to the home to get her to see doctor and back to home. With both parents, this will set me back SGD14,000 for 2 parents per month.
Public nursing homes cost $4,500 per parent and I am still out of pocket $9,000 per month. Without a job, this will deplete my entire savings and I end up broke and penniless.
Live in 24 helper cum nurse is SGD21 per hour. I did the math
SGD21x24hrsx30days = SGD15,120 per parent x 2 = SGD30,240 a month. I need to be a tycoon as CEOs get paid SGD48,000 per month
I will grow old too and I pray that when the time comes, I can care for self and or have the financial means to pay for my own home care. I have no children, never married (even marriage does not guarantee a warm family with doting children – case in point, my parents) and will have no one to burden.
I live in challenging times and I am unsure how this will end.