What My Epitaph Could Possible Read When I Am A Goner

Oh..I am not dying anytime soon but you never know right, as to when me as a product is recalled by the maker. As I am in spiritual limbo, I do not know which upper being in the sky above is the claimant of my soul!

Anyway, read this with a pinch of my usual sardonic humor or just remember I am an oddball who loves hugging my inanimate furball Garfield..

My supposedly fun epitaph or eulogy (if it gets wordy then it becomes my eulogy)…

EPITAPH

I lived.

I cried.

I cursed.

I swore.

I was on a 484 day streak on WordPress (as at 9 Sept 18) when I was recalled as a product!

Most importantly, I laughed & hugged Garfield.

EULOGY

My time on earth was not the funnest of times.

Often times, it was filled with strange thoughts of why my life is as it was – filled with pain, suffering and horrible Lords at work.

I cannot complain about Monkey Lord now as he has been pretty decent thus far, alongside with Eunuch and Mr Kojack.

Others would work lesser for more wages but it seems that wherever I worked, I was milked like a cow. I slogged for my wages and was often asked to do more.

More is good the Lords would quip. I see self as being intelligent to be asked to do more I suppose. The less intelligent will be ignored and so, I often looked less intelligent to avoid being asked to do more these days or till the day I was recalled.

I supped. Most times sparingly as I was afraid of getting FAT – my lifelong battle of the bulge and I was so afraid of getting diabetes. I do not need another chronic ailment, other than Sjorgren’s and other rheumatoid diseases. I wanted to stay free of diabetes and at the time of my death, I am glad I am not.

Disease is such a bad word – hmm I should say it was a condition of sorts.

Did I love? I did love someone a while back but the idiot became MR EX as he was just a perennial worm of sorts.

Money featured highly on his totem pole of life goals among fame and fortune.

I could have settled down with a guy but I am picky and not any guy suited me as I liked a buffet spread. Each guy I had dated had a unique quality and if I could have all of them in one guy, then that would have been the guy I would have married.

But alas, such a character is not possible. I prefer to think this white knight on a horse is desperately lost without upgrading his GPS system or his road map is warped.

So I threw out the marriage card.

Regrets?

I do not have any regrets..but hey if you think loss of riches and wealth is featured then I find self not comparing with the Joneses. I am pretty happy where I am. Too much wealth is a concern, just like too little of it.

I suppose I regret not eating alot during the time I was alive. If I could eat all the chocolates I wanted, then I would have died happier without fearing repercussions of diabetes or contracting it.

Did I harm, kill or neglected anyone?

In my dreams, I could have killed those morons who made my life miserable. But I did not. I have not knowingly harmed or deliberately plotted to make others’ (* In my mind, who deserved it!) lives miserable.

I would have loved to make some idiots squirmed. But unfortunately I did not!

Aah well…if my life could be best summed it would simply be….

I lived,

I could have supped like there was no tomorrow, sadly I did not!

I cried and killed several trees in the process, used to make paper towels or tissues.

I worked, I cursed at Lords and I collected my pay cheques.

I was not a drop dead beauty, just a simple girl with a simple heart without millions in her pockets, just Garfields!

Live, love and laugh!

Happy Day Ahead Folks!

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Classical Escape

Mystery Aura Of Women

So That’s Why No Unicorns!!

3 Months Into The Job & Where Am I?

I have crossed 3 months out of my mandatory 6 months work probation.

I hope I am doing ok and that the remaining 3 months will go by without dramas!

Money Bags has avoided me..actually truth be told, I have been avoiding him and letting Ms Fesity interface with him. He likes to be around pretty young things and Ms Feisty fits the bill and so I push her forward and she does it with gusto!

Monkey Lord is truly a better Lord than the Lords I have encountered. He is fairly decent and not unreasonable.

This is because I feel he is an employee too, like me.

The owner’s son is not as visible and perhaps because he is born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he keeps bragging about wanting to retire early.

Monkey Lord is the seat warmer for the Owner’s Son and as to if the Owner’s Son will step up to the plate, is largely left to be seen.

Profanity is largely how the Owner’s Son like to spew, peppered with profanities. I know he is well educated but that is his style.

I am let on to believe that he is the father’s pet and so, compared to the older sibling, what he says take precedence over what anyone may suggest.

Work life goes on and I am not bothered as to who says what and all that. I am zen about it.

I will not go 100% at finding the best deal as the best deal is not what they might want as there are people with personal agendas and motives.

My motto is simple. Work each day with a good conscience, keep my nose of out other’s business and wait each end of the month for my monthly pay cheque.

I cannot be bothered with the office politics and will keep a low profile to get my daily work expected of me done and over with.

Eunuch has his agenda and it is showing. I would understand why he wants to change things to personally benefit him or let him score brownie points. He too, has to clear his probation period of 6 months.

Work life is like that. I understand why people want their friends and or network to benefit from their presence in the company. I have learnt to decouple and owe no allegiance to anyone as there are linkages within the company and I do not wish to step on anyone’s toes.

The Owner must have personal contacts and they have the right to offer contacts to their friends. There is no room for us to think we can influence.

So, I do wish Eunuch every much the luck he needs, if he thinks he can muscle in and bring in his contacts to make financial benefits for them.

Seriously, take a queue number as it will not be that easily to penetrate this fort!

After Death Checklist

Life Extent Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.
How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform.
How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said,
“You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said,
“Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years?
Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I’m doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

Typhoon Mangkhut In Hong Kong

Mangkhut is Thai for “mangosteen”, the fruit.

As to why the MET has so named this super typhoon after a humble, harmless mangosteen fruit, befuddles me!

My friend, Herman, and ex colleague who lives in Hong Kong (HK) shared with me a video clip whereby the glass panel on a high rise unit shattered and the whole unit is ruined with broken shards of glass and the rain beating in with the strong winds. I pity that owner as the cost and clean up is going to be a pain on physical work as well as cost.

I have not heard from my bro just yet. I was told he had moved to his new home (actually on resale market) just yesterday, despite the threat of Typhoon Mangkhut overhanging. He has lived in HK for many decades now and I have no doubt he is smart about these things to stay safe, taping windows.

As to why they only tape an “X” also makes me wonder. Why not the whole glass panel? Is “X” really enough?

For the first time in 60 years, HK has raised Typhoon Signal 10 – the full force it seems!

I have lived through the experience of Typhoon 8  when I worked in HK some years ago and I was only on a 3rd floor apartment unit – it was not as scary as my friends and colleagues who lived on higher floors.

Philippines where Mangkhut has barreled through and already killed 14 people, is still causing destruction from the following rains post typhoon.

The world’s weather has gone bonkers. Florence has wreaked havoc in USA, forest fires else where and now Mangkhut.

Singapore or lil red dot’s weather is eerily calm. The sun is not seen and today, the winds have picked up. I have decided to close the windows as the howling winds are not helping and I worry if my windows fly off!

I have come to see the pattern of post typhoons weather after it hits Taiwan or HK and Singapore has lots of rain and stronger winds. I could do with cooler weather and rain!

Lil Red Dot is located on a continental shelf and we are safe from Tsunamis, earthquakes of typhoons. Given the last Tsunami following the earthquake in Indonesia that killed thousands, our lil red dot commissioned a study to see if our island and the resort isle of Sentosa would be affected like Phuket or Bali?

There was talk among netizens that Singapore would be sunk!

I was glad when the study showed that it will be a ripple in the ocean by the time it comes to us.

I guess over time, the weather will change again as what nature gives, man (generic term) will destroy though deforestation, over harvesting, wanton waste disposal of plastics etc.

I hope for the sake of mankind and its survival – the future of our future generation is at stake.

Let’s do out part and try to conserve through re-using, re-cycling and not waste anything, including food!

Uno Or Quattro…The Same Frustration

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.
Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them:
“I can’t let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind.”
“Quattro is just the name of the car,” the driver replies disbelievingly. “Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.”
“You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you’re talking to here,” she replies with a smile. “Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can’t let you onto the ferry. It’s more than my job’s worth to let you all on.”
The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, “I’ve had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence….!”
“Sorry,” responds Tracey, “but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno😂😂👍

Can You Tell The Time?

I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, “I can’t believe how sloshed you are.”

Denying it I said, “I’m not drunk.”

She said, “Yes you are.”

I said, “Naw, I’m not.”

She said, “Can you tell the time?”

So I walked up to the clock and said, “I’m not drunk.”