Bloke walks into the pub and asks the barman for a pint of anything but Stella Artois.
Barman asks “whats wrong with the Stella?”
Bloke says,”i had 12 pints of Stella last night and when i came round i was fucking SKINT !”
Barman says,”12 pints of anything costs the same ” bloke replies,”SKINT is my dog’s name……”
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease, it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay.”
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mum.”
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his shopping.
“That comes to £121.85,” said the assistant.
“How come so much? I only bought 3 items!”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things too.”
The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him:
“What’s your name?”
“John.” The new bloke replied.
The Forman scowled. “Look, i don’t know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It’s weak and wastes time. I call my
employees by their last name only Smith, Jones, Baker, that’s all. If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or
Jones, do that. Now that we have that straight, what’s your last name?”
The new bloke sighed. “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly…
“Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is…..!” 🤣
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