Garfieldhug's Blog

This & That Including What Ails

All Good Things Come To An End….

My medical leave ends today and away I must…back to the workhouse on Monday.

I have been drowning self on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, enjoying murder mysteries of Mystery Woman, Aurora Tea Garden or Gourmet Detective.

When I get bored with that, I switch to Chinese kung fu movies and after that for feel good movies of boy meets girl and happily ever after outcomes.

I really enjoyed resting as it allowed me to recover and sleep more than my usual 6 hours’ routine.

I have been so deprived of rest that I slept like a log these past few days.

I did not have to awake to my alarm clock and need not do laundry at midnight on work days.

I enjoyed the solitude of me, myself and I. It allowed me to think clearly as to how my retirement plans ought to be charted.

Financial advisers have always reminded people to start retirement planning from day 1 of work.

I started year 2 of work. Slogged like a cow to get a set of wheels to zip to 3 jobs and a roof over my head.

Still…retirement may not be lucrative as I thought $2,500 a month was adequate.

Crikey after factoring in inflation, gee $8,000 a month seems more realistic.

Saving is easier said than done. It requires strict discipline and the right financial instruments.

Besides cash savings, there’s insurances such as single premium savers or endowment pr plain buying of an annuity.

I was told by Mr Ability To Earn that $1,000,000 put into an annuity would give me $8,000 a month (*1 USD = 1.30 SGD)

There’s also blue chip stocks but these will carry risks if the market takes a hit if Dow Jones coughs and SGX gets infected alongside NIKKEI or Hang Seng indices.

Yes. I worked harder on sick leave sorting out personal thoughts and my future.

I literally stopped, breathed and smelt the roses alongside mothballs reminding me that I needed a financially outstanding retirement plan.

Aah yes…all good things come to an end but I am proud to be able to survive each whack by karma.

As to how long I can is left to be seen over time.


Conversant – One Word Prompt

I am fairly conversant of the efficacies of laughter.

Laughter releases endorphins. No need happy pills as endorphins released during laughter makes anyone happy.

Fat or thin, lean or slender…just laugh as we face facts that we will never go back to our original weight!

Laughter reduces wrinkle lines and it works those jaw muscles.

Yes, wouldn’t you agree with me that I am fairly conversant on the topic of laughter?

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Strange Request

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”
The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”


Buying Barbie Dolls For Daughters

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?”

The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95”.

The amazed father asks: “It’s what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls.


An Art Described In One Word


Assay – One Word Prompt

I love gold bars with assay rated 999.9 in gold purity.

In as low as 1gm ($88),10g ($550) or 20g ($1,200) these little ingots are encased in plastic with its own certificate authenticity stating assay rating of 999.9 in purity.

Minted by banks such as UBS or Credit Suisse, they do make good investment assets.

Most valued, these ingots which can go up to 1 kg bars can be liquidated quickly into cash at pawnshops or any goldsmith shop.

But ohh the price you paid versus what you can get back is usually at a loss unless the gold price you buy is at a substantially cheaper price than what is the selling price.

The jewellery made from gold is of a lower 916 purity.

999.9 assay gold is too soft to be molded into rings or pendants or bangles.

These jewellery items are made from an assay rating of 916.

I am a hobbyist for gold.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing gold ingots…hmm I lie…actually Garfield makes me happiest but then gold is practical fiscal asset that can pay for Garfield’s upkeep and baby clothes haha!

Now all I need to do is find me a rich dude who owns a gold mine haha…i think hell would freeze over first!


KFC Woes & Backup Plan

So we all heard on the news that KFC outlets in London were forced to close.

Here is the real reason why…

KFC’s back up supply…

London has loads of pigeons😁


Resuscitating My Money Plant

My singular pot of Money Plant looks forlorn and seemingly struggling for life.

I water it every alternate day and it sits like a guardsman outside my iron grille gate.

Shielded by a wall from extremeties of winds as I live in a high rise building, it used to thrive well.

In fact so well that it overgrew the pot, drooping down to climb onto the tiled floors.

I used to prop it up with wooden chopsticks as it thrived.

Mum who’s an avid gardener said it needed trimming and soon all its crowning glory became stubbles of roots.

This is when my Money Plant decided to give up its will to live.

Gardeners who know this plant well say that the Money Plant is sensitive to the grower’s state of life.

I fell ill. Money plant fell ill.

I lost the will to live and so did it.

I am living with little aim in life, tired of battling stuff.

I take whatever life gives.

I lost the spunk as it does not matter anymore.

If I have health issues, it is probably karma at work. Maybe it is my way of penetential reform.

The last time I checked, I did not set humans on fire nor did I kill anyone and so, I am trying to make sense of senseless constant and continual poor health.

So today, I went to the garden troughs downstairs and took some new shoots of Money plant to pot alongside my straggly never say die Money plant. Perhaps seeing the new shoots, the struggling old ones will rejuvenate and find new will to live on and on.

Either that or I blame it on my thumbs….I do not have green thumbs and that is that!

Meanwhile breathe you Money plant!

Experience the wild side.

The growing years will pass….


Smart Old Geezer

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
He went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Aaagh! This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor Young: “Oh no you don’t, that’s Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!”
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so. Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $500…”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story: Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer “


Bull Talk

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”
Second Bull: “I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m keeping all my cows.”
Third Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I’m keeping all 10 of my cows.”
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they’ve ever seen.
At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend.”
Second Bull: “I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: “Son, don’t be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
Third Bull: “Hell, he can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull.”